Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Thirstday Hash, 29 Mar 2007 by Horn-E          

Rhotan and Princess Labia were our hares out of a running store called Momentum. Rhotan provided a keg of Labatt’s Blue. So far so good.     After some pizza, Happy Ass Grabber called the circle together. He asked for comments on the hash. Chicken Stiffer said, If you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all." I wouldn’t want to say anything negative and get him pissed off, so lets get right to the circle. The hares were called out for their shitty trail and we all sang S-H-I-T-T-Y  T-R-A-I–L. This was the first of many down downs for the hares. So what else is new. The FBI was Flying Hooters and Calvin Klein won the hash as FRB. The award for DFL goes to, the envelope please, Just Mark and Ballsalotapus for a dead heat in a dead heap. Or G got an award for excessive checking for checking each split on the way back from the Beer Stop. Hey, isn’t that what you are suppossed to do, even when the finish is in sight. Just Shetha and Just Rachel joined us as virgins and left us deflowered. After many attempts by Rhotan to disrupt yet another circle with a Chinese Fire Drill, we finally wound down with Swing Low. Then the remnants of the pack hung around and around while the owner and his help waited and waited for the Hash to quit drinking. Hey, that keg wasn’t floating and the hash wasn’t leaving. What did he expect for selling Calvin Klein a pair of shoes?   /

All right, I was kidding about the trail and not having anything good to say. It wasn’t that bad. At least those that managed to find the whole trail said that it was fun. Occupied and Manage A Twat came in just before 9 and saw an empty store. They thought everyone came back, had a circle and left. That is how far behind they were. But not really, because the pack wasn’t back yet. Eventually after nine, Rear Loader arrived and looked like he was going to collapse at the door. They were making me glad that I missed that.

But what happened to me and why was it so late getting to the KEG of good beer. First the start got a delay. The hares went out and made marks about 7:15. then Rhotan came in and asked if we wanted a beer stop. Planning folks. Either have it or don’t, but decide before 7:15. So Rhotan had to go set it up. Then about 7:30 the hares were finally off, fifteen minutes late. Now the shit really starts. It wasn’t a good start. It started with a check and I went north with Virtually Hung. We found Falses on both sides of the street. We came back to the milling crowd and someone called on through an alley. We ran to Racine and Armitage where there was a clear mark heading east and just after the corner. Not to be. Oooops. After a block there were no marks. I returned and went around the corner heading south and around the next corner I found a hidden arrow. Huh! Whatever, we were On. I found another and then Chicken Stiffer came bolting out of an alley and found another arrow across the street. How did the trail get over there? A block later we had another turn, heading north that seemed to go no where. Again we couldn’t find marks and I finally ranged over to Sheffield and looped south. Two blocks later I saw Virtually Hung ranging and off marks. I went another block to Willow and saw Chicken Stiffer, ranging from a check. Huh!. I followed him back and as we approached this check, we heard On through an empty lot and an alley. Suddenly the marks where good. Real nice and frequent. I followed these marks in pursuit of the pack heading west down Cortland watching as the pack headed north behind some factories. I found them back there heading east. East? Someone finally told me it was a back check. But they weren’t On any marks. So I backtracked with Virtually Hung to Cortland. I crossed the street and found nothing. He went west and found marks coming out of an empty lot. ??? But we were On and we headed across Cortland to Southport and north. We covered both sides of the street until I came to some tracks and a Check. I headed down some tracks and found two marks and some spilled white stuff, but no more flour marks. Looping back I found the pack in confusion running every which way. So I headed north and found marks, but not three. As I crossed an intersection, I ran into Cums Anally, another infrequent hasher. We talked a bit and then I returned to the check. No one was in sight. Decisions. Fifteen people couldn’t find that check in over five minutes. How long would it take me alone? And once I did, how far behind would I be and would I have the same problem with the next check. The marks ranged from real good to "What the hell is happening now." I’m three blocks from a keg of Labatts Blue. I turned Blue. In defense of the hares, I understand that the trail was good and apparently the marks improved after that start. But I was drinking Blue with two non runners, Batteries Not Included and Pardon My Flaps. Eventually we all got back and we had a good time. Who else was there? Assman, KGB, Assflac, Mr. Cheesecake, and 69 Cent Man. We were eventually joined by the non runner Boner Malfunction and the hasher I met on trail, Cums Anally stopped for a beer and our circle. Thanks Rhotan for a keg of good beer.   On On
Horn-E