Chicago Hash House Harriers

Joint Chicago Roadtrip and Sin City (Cincinnati OH)
by Chicken Stiffer

Boner, Lifa, and I meet up with Nickelback and Hoof N Mouth from the INDYSCENT hash in Cincinnati this past weekend to Hash and Watch the Cubs!! I am happy to report that the trail Chicago set Saturday afternoon was met with the obligatory shitty trail comments so I think it was a success? Boner and I left on Megabus at 2:30 pm from Union Station Friday and after a sweatbox of a trip due to a faulty air-conditioner, we were picked up by Sin City hashers, Serving Seamen and Unalicker and guided to the pub-crawl. I called four girls that I knew were going to be down from Chicago and persuaded them to leave their hotel room and join us for the crawl. When they arrived at said crawl there was much rejoicing from Boner and John Wayne Hobbit. Boner proceeded to use his rub the back move and it seemed to work again because later in the evening I couldn’t tell where Boners face ended and the young ladies face began. After the crawl was over and the Cubs had lost the game Friday we went to Hot Tub Sluts place which had a pool on the roof. Horny Again and her boy toy Just Tom were already in the pool half naked. The rest including the four young ladies were working up their courage to join them in the pool when disaster struck the hash. Humpback, the GM from Lexington visiting with Dances with Mules from Kentucky was walking near the edge of the pool when one of the young ladies gave him a nudge that knocked him into the pool. He emerged soaking wet and said, "YOU F*CKING BITCH MY CELL PHONE WAS IN MY BACK POCKET!!" I can still see this happening in slow motion in my own mind because immediately after this incident the four young ladies circled up and decided to barricade themselves at their hotel for the evening leaving the pool count at 7 men and one spoken for woman. Five minutes later I got a call from Peterbilt asking is anything wrong because he had felt a disturbance in the Hash Force. I looked skyward and said, "BONER HAS BEEN COCKED BLOCKED AGAIN!!!" Needless to say if and when Humpback comes to visit us he will be known in Chicago as Cockblock. With profound disappointment the party died down and most sought refuge in Hot Tub Sluts place for a needed rest.

The next day came quickly and after Hot Tub cooked us a nice breakfast I got a call from Lifa saying he was ten minutes away. He arrived and we went again to the pool deck with a cooler full of beer and began to lighten Lifa’s load. Fluffer called and he picked me up an hour later and we went out to scout trail for the Hash at 3 pm. We found what he believed to be virgin territory along Mill Creek west of downtown. The trail ran through an industrial area and over, under, and across what we thought were abandoned railroad tracks, which proved to be false when a freight train came roaring through later. We even put the beer stop on top of a rock pile about 100 ft in the air. Quarter barrel has the embedded stones in his ass to prove it. This was a live trail and we took off with Serving Seamen as well and proceeded to lay an acceptable trail. We got back to Sluts place and ran circle for about 1 hour. Blue seemed to keep everyone in beer and the RA, Vomit Dog? ran a great circle. The hares drank many times and punishment was doled out. It was 6:30 pm and Boner, Lifa, and I took of for the ballpark but not before we stopped for a Nathan’s Hot Dog on the street corner. We were treated to a CUBS spanking of the Reds with Derek Lee, and Fonzie hitting a two and three run homers. The final score was 8-1 Cubs. We must have had 35 hashers at the game and smaller Hashers were seen body surfing the crowd. Fluffer played the part of Boner tonight and picked up some pretty young thing at the game. After the game we ended up at Rock Bottom Brewery with Nickel Back and Hoof N Mouth for food and then on back to Sluts place for more beer. I don’t remember much more than this but the next day Boner and I were on the Megabus at 10 am and during the trip he fell asleep on someone’s Double Cheeseburger. THANKS GOES OUT TO SLUT AND UNA FOR A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM