Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Chicago Hash 7/30/07 by Horn-E

I got there first. Yes, me. But soon I was joined by Virtually Hung and the pack started to assemble. Our Hares were Lower Wackoff and Bloody Thighs out of the Gladstone Inn. After the two hour trail that Lower Wackoff set last Fri for the Full Moon hash, and the subsequent write-up, it was interesting to see who showed up. Naturally, all four of us from Fri showed, expecting another great trail. It was good, but it was still light out when we got in.

We anticipated another woods hash and it was a bit of street running to get to the woods. Or G was one of the early leaders and leaders throughout and Virtually Hung was near the front the whole way. I did my best to stay up with them and the other Full Moon hashers from last Fri, Spotted Cock and EZ On The Ass were up near the front too. We just love the woods. The other hasher near the front was Just Allen on his second hash. He loved the woods too.

We entered the woods near the storm drain to the west of Central. From here we ran along the river to the east and Central Park. We crossed the bridge to the north and found a Check. I was heading for the river when I heard the On call. We headed further north in the woods. Eventually we came to the end of the woods where we headed west along a road. We finally headed back north in the woods, but on a wide path. At Devon we had a Check. Or G was returning from the west saying he heard Spotted Cock yell On to the east, and across the track. A train was coming, but you know those famous last words of everyone ever hit by a train, "I didn’t think it was going that fast." That was Or G as he beat the train and left us all behind. Across the tracks we had a short little T and E Split. I headed into the woods and with a small pack behind me, we did a short loop and were back on the tracks behind the Turkeys. They were On a mark on the railroad ties. But there weren’t any more marks. So we returned a bit. Apparently there was a not so obvious turn arrow hidden by an old T-Shirt. At least that is the story I got from Calvin Klein. Naturally the Hare had a different explanation. But I didn’t wait for them. I headed through the woods and found several arrows on the parking lot driveway. We were on and I blew my horn. But as soon as I got in the woods, I lost the trail. Eventually the pack arrived and Virtually Hung spotted some mark on a log. Then EZ On The Ass got us going in the right direction. I had ranged in that direction and led us through another short loop and back to Central at the bridge. Yes, the same bridge we crossed some time back, but on the other side of the road. Virtually Hung and Or G passed me on the bridge and at the other side of the bridge we entered the woods again. Virtually Hung found a Split and led us through this short section of woods with Just Allen right behind me. We entered a clearing and we were soon at beer with our favorite beer bear watching over the beer. And Bloody Thighs too.

We gathered over some beers and watched the rest of the pack arrive. Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs and Mouthful Of Meat arrived last. yes, Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs ran, with a shoulder harness for her broken collar bone and a chest harness for……You know. Mouthful Of Meat always says she doesn’t like shiggy, but she enjoyed this one. Maybe we can get her back for another. As long as there is no deep water. Mid thigh is high enough. Anything higher is unsanitary. I’ll try to warn her in the future. Batteries Not Included and Erect da Red got in just before them. Chicken Stiffer got a hold of the block of ice cubes frozen together and decided to ride it down hill. He did. No one else was able to do it and he did it twice. Can you imagine those lanky drumsticks and wings flapping as he tried to keep his balance with this hugh block of ice shoved up his……Well not quite. But he did it and no one else could. Lower Wackoff finally retired our beer bear. His B. O. was getting intolerable according to Bloody Thighs. He will be missed by the Moon hashers. He was released to the wilds and promptly headed for the porta potty. He was a bit early for hibernation. I wish I could have seen the next human type to open that door and see a polar bear sitting there taking a dump. Well, that should answer the question once and for all, "Does a bear shit in the woods." Not when there is a porta potty available.

We finally headed back. The long way. EZ On The Ass led us on our last little shot through the woods. When we finally emerged, Chicken Stiffer was back in his element and led us out of there. But he took a wrong Split and I followed Or G, Just Pitt and Just Heather back towards the bar. Eventually I pulled up to Virtually Hung and we walked the last hundred yards together.

Calvin Klein called the circle together and Virtually Hung headed out the door. He was afraid of all of those down downs for being FRB, so Or G got it. The hares got many. I got o few. We all got a few. And then we finally settled into $4 pitchers of beer. The last to leave were the EZ On The Ass, Spotted Cock, Or G, myself, Lower Wackoff and Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs. A good hash and a nice little On In.