Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Chicago Hash, 8 Apr 2007 by Horn-E          From the home of Virtually Hung with the great cooking and food prep by his Co-Hare, Cum In My Ass Fault. This was the 6 9 Easter hash. That is six wankers and nine bimbos. After a few beers to lubricate out knees and ankles, we talked a bunch of hashers into wearing bunny tales and ears. No I didn’t, but Its Too Soft had his tail declared to be too soft. We then mustered up in the alley for a chalk talk. White arrows made with drywall. Funny little checks. Falses and splits. Then we run off on trail and find all of these pink marks and white lines drawn hastily off of splits and checks. Confusing. But what else is new.     We started off through Truman College Campus with Chicken Stiffer threatening to turn this into a sprint. But a few of Virtually Hung’s loops and he seemed to realize that no matter how hard you run, the trail always loops back to the back of the pack. Or so it seemed at the start. I ended up spotting Chippendale heading south down an alley, so I headed for Montrose. Nothing. I ended up paralleling the pack for blocks as they seemed to hit a few checks or splits and they finally headed my way. We hit a check at Montrose and Clark and I headed west. False. But Virtually Hung waved me on south and sure enough, Chippendale came by leading the pack heading west. I got to meet our visitor along here, Piss N Hole from Seattle. We have several mutual friends and some stories about them. But that came later. We ran to a split and Chippendale and the few in front of me were heading north, Wait, he is coming back on the other side of the street. I headed that way and led us to another split and then a check on Ravenswood. Here I found another False. Chippendale went west and apparently was on because this time he didn’t return. But by the time we figured that out and individuals went after him one at a time, we got really strung out. I think Just Mary was one of the first to follow. I was running with Magnetic Muff, Stab ‘em And Slab ‘em and Bloody Thighs about here. We wandered around for a bit until we hit another check, back on Montrose. There was a line on the check pointing north. We headed that way. Then hashers started coming back. Sounds False to me, so I headed back to the Check and west. Nothing. Chippendale was coming up the other side of the street and on one mark. He passed me and went to the next corner. Then he headed south. Huh. Is he On? I went to the corner and there were no marks and Chippendale was disappearing two blocks south. I think I’ll skip that False. I headed back to the Check and saw the pack and sweep heading East. That was a gimmie. It was the only direction left. Was that Erect da Red and Canned Pussy leading the pack? They got a down down later for being FRBs, if only for a short spell. Virtually Hung was sweeping and pointing the way. I passed Cheap Date as I tried to move up in the pack. Wasted on this trail. After out next split we headed towards the El tracks. I saw Bloody Thighs leading, and then there was Its Too Soft sitting there watching her go by. Where did he come from? But we were just in a short loop and Its Too Soft let us all do the loop. Hey, the loops are there to let the back of the pack catch up. It doesn’t help to make them all do it too. Whatever. We headed north and there was Chicken Stiffer at the end of the alley and Piss N Hole following. We somehow regrouped and headed to Lawrence and the back porch of Bloody Thighs for a beer stop.     Here the bloody one asked if there were any guys who could fix her door. I headed in and was working on the problem. Then Chippendale joined me. Soon we heard this loud cry of the wounded Chippendale as I crunched his finger in the door. Ooops, major ooops. Never mix two wankers, tools, and beer and give then a chance to impress the bimbos with their skills repairing things. Injuries are imminent and guaranteed. Hey, Chippendale, has your flat finger regained its round shape yet? Sorry.     We were soon off to the finish and a circle in the basement. Warm and dirty. Spill all the beer you want. And no body did. But Chicken Stiffer led is in the circle and all went well. Very well as he eventually invited our visitor, Piss N Hole, into the circle and asked for a song or a body part. Very nice. Very, very nice and with a nice spin around for everyone too. We have now identified the biggest jerk in all of Chicago, and he wasn’t in the hash, but that is a tale for those that were there.     Next came the Easter Egg hunt where Bloody Thighs almost found them all. She has been teaching young kids to long. She was really into it. Mount Schwinga got an egg with a stuffed chicken. I got a chicken that I stuffed into my mouth. Hey, we were supposed to crack them open and eat them weren’t we. That little chick didn’t offer a peep. There was also at least one condom found. Used/unused? Lubricated?       We then went upstairs to Virtually Hung’s pad where good munchies were provided, And lets not forget the delicious ham, potatoes, veggies and home made cupcakes. Thanks hares.