Trash 7/20/2007

Chicago Hash House Harriers Sheffield Garden Crawl for the CPD Memorial Fund!!
by CHICKEN STIFFER

The weekend started with the dawning of a beautiful day on Friday, and in fact this would be true of every single day this weekend. When do you get four days of 80-degree weather in Chicago during July with low humidity? BONER was dropped off by PRINCESS LABIA at old party central and BONER and I went down to the Mega Bus stop to meet our visitors from Big-Hump and Sin City. Maybe it was a foreshadowing of how well things would run the next two days but when I called each bus at 3 pm UNALICKER and PLOT MY G SPOT both said, "I can see the Sears Tower!!", now that is not much information because anyone can see the tower from 50 miles away? It turns out that the Big-Hump bus got in late but the Sin City bus was on time each bus arriving within minutes of each other. We shook hands with SOGGY SPARKS, UNA, FLUFFER, DO YOU FEEL PETER? , LOCK NUT MONSTER, PLOT MY G SPOT, TLS, ELVIS, SERVING SEAMAN, and a few others. We conducted our friends to the Quincy/Wells stop and got them on the brown line. The trip took ½ hour and we were at Fullerton and ½ mile away from the Arlington House. BONER and I got most of these visitors their giveaways and told them to get a sandwich at the Bourgeois Pig for dinner.

The day went by fast and we were closing in on the 6 pm, start time of the Sheffield Garden Crawl. I got there and many of our visitors were already drinking and having a good time at Kelly’s. They were surprised that the el ran so close to them and every minute or so conversation had to stop in the beer garden to allow a train to pass. Kevin Kelly was there. He is a Chicago Cop and the son of the owner so he allowed the drink specials to commence. $6 pitchers of beer began to flow and more and more people began to show up. Before we left for McGee’s ITS TOO SOFT arrived along with JUST CARRIE, JUST CHRIS, QUARTER BARREL, and ELVIS. McGee’s was packed with the usual DePaul crowd and more people began to arrive. POOPER SCOOPER and the ED’s had arrived from the fine kennel in Minneapolis. FLUFFER was in fine form hitting on all he young co-eds. Can you say sensory overload!! BONER MALFUNCTION was ripping thru his rum and cokes faster then the Captain could make his well-known Pose!! The Crawl left McGee’s and went to Slainte, we were selling more wrist bands and we saw HOOTERS and TWO TIKS join the crawl with JUST JIM. SEX LUTHOR and DAVEY CROCHET were bringing up the rear of the pack.

Things from here on out became more and more fuzzy. I began to change from CHICKEN STIFFER to FRIED CHICKEN, but we made it to Halligan where Rhonda and BALLSALOTAPUS our contacts from the CPD Memorial Fund showed up selling t-shirts and hats to interested buyers. The crawl rolled on down Lincoln and took over the Clarke Bar. Someone here bought me a thank you drink I believe it was HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT along with his entourage JUST TOM and FUCKO THE CLOWN? SERVING SEAMEN was ready to spew from the deck of the ship but she did make it out of the bar at least and home safely.

The night got darker and some crawler was wearing a flashing belt buckle that said "FREE SPANKINGS", which were administered frequently. The crawl was waiting in anticipation of our friends from INDY and the crew from BIG-HUMP along with DMB who missed the early bus on account of her hair appointment she just couldn’t miss!! The Gin Mill was next and TOO MUCH HEAD showed up with friends. TOO MUCH HEAD looked like a different person this night with done up hair and a pretty smile. This is true about most of the hash though, when you get us out of our sweaty running clothes, "We clean up well!! The crawl marched on and rolled through the last bars. The arrival of CLIFF BANGHER, LAZY ASS, SEXORCIST, PMS, POSTAGE, MOAN ON TRAIL, C NO, THE MESS, NURSE HASHCHET?, GAGGING ME SOFTLY,TWO PUMP, ORGIE O’QUEF, etc. gave us at least 50+ hashers in the crawl to go along with the 150+ pup crawlers already.

The hash ended up at the Union at 11:30 pm and proceeded to drink and dance the night away. Memorable moments at this bar included MOAN ON TRAIL with legs wrapped around some unknown guy get spun around the dance floor.

The crawl was a great success and I believe we rose well over $600+ dollars for the CPD MEMORIAL FUND!!! Stay tuned for a free night at a local pub so we can present Rhonda with the money raised for charity from the Chicago Hash House Harriers. I was ready to call it a night by 1 am and went home but not before taking PMS, POSTAGE TRAMP, and DMB to La Bamba for the burritos as big as their cranium. POSTAGE ATE two!! I believe we should have included that as the 11th stop on the crawl as most people needed food by 1 am. Rumors abound that the BIG HUMPERS played pool to the wee hours of the morning and that a large group of hashers were seen drinking on the ITS TOO SOFT’s roof deck until the sun came up. All I know is that BONER got back to my place around 10 am the next day with a full rum and coke mumbling, "I am so Fucked up!!!"

Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM