LONG SONGS
Along with your typical down-down songs, hashing also has a tradition of singing songs that can go on for quite a long period of time thanks to any number of optional verses that are offered up by fellow hashers. Usually when this happens hashers will place their glasses or a fist over their head to signify that they have an addition to the song and one or more hashers will choose who should go next – members often learn a handful of verses to these songs and sing them regularly rather than learning every optional verse and attempting to sing them all. Every once in a while a long song may be used for a down-down in circle, with the RA determining how many verses will be sung before the accused must drink their beer.
There are also several long songs that include a number of specific actions that go along with the verses that are sung, whenever possible I’ve included the directions for specific verses immediately following the verse.
Since several of these songs have any number of optional verses, I’ve included several of my favorites for each song and what you see here is by no means an extensive list. It is suggested that if you’re interested in singing long songs you look up some extra verses online, write your own, or even try to ad lib them when we are singing.
ALOUETTE
Melody – Alouette
Actions: An unsuspecting female participant (often a virgin who is then scared away and never returns again) is needed for this song. When one is selected, she is asked to stand on a chair. When a feature is highlighted, all those singing then point out that part on the participant.
CHORUS:
Alouette, gentille Alouette,
Alouette je te plumerai.
Leader: Does she have ze stringy hair?
All: Oui, she has ze stringy hair.
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, aah, aah, aah . . . (chorus)
Leader: Does she have ze furrowed brow?
All: Oui, she has ze furrowed brow,
Leader: Furrowed brow,
All: Furrowed brow,
Leader: Stringy hair,
All: Stringy hair,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, aah, aah, ahh . . . (chorus)
Wooden eye (Yes I would!) . . .
Broken nose . . .
Blow job lips . . .
Two buck teeth . . .
Double chin . . .
Swinging tits . . .
Beer belly . . .
Cum dumpster . . .
Furry thing . . .
Thunder Thighs . . .
Knobby Knees . . .
Cankle Fat . . .
Ingrown Toes . . .
Leader: Now isn’t she a nice-a girl?
All: Oui, she is a nice-a girl,
Leader: Nice-a girl,
All: Nice-a girl,
Leader: Alouette! Aah, aah, aah . . .
Chorus
BEASTIALITY’S BEST
Melody – Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Boys
Notes: For the optional verses the line is repeated twice.
CHORUS:
Bestiality’s best, boys,
Bestiality’s best – FUCK A WALLABY!
Bestiality’s best, boys,
Bestiality’s best.
Make a llama a mama, boys,
Make a llama a mama – BESTIALITY!
Make a llama a mama, boys,
Make a llama a mama, ’cause . . .
Optional Verses:
Stick your dork in a stork
Make an eel squeal
Rub your beaver on a retriever
Rub your box on a fox
Rub your clitoris on a hippopotamus
Rub your clitty on a kitty
Rub your cunt on an elephunt
Rub your twat on an ocelot
Grind your mound on a hound
Drip your juice on a moose
Give your milk to an elk
Fool with the tool of a mule
Anyway you can with a pelican
Be a queer with a deer
Be a rotter with an otter
Be very pleasant to a pheasant
Bring a flea to her knees
Chuck your sperm in a worm
Do an illegal with an eagle
Do it funky with a monkey
Down the throat of a goat
Drop some goo in a shrew
Ejaculate in a snake
Get a suck from a duck
>Get in deep with a sheep
Get it out for a trout
Give a lickin’ to a chicken
Give your milk to an elk
Go a rounder with a flounder
Go and defile a crocodile
Be a pimp for a chimp
Have a frig with a pig
Have a fuck with a duck
Have a goose with a moose
Have a lark with an aardvark
Have a rape with an ape
Have a shag with a stag
Have a squirm with a worm
In the Bahamas with some llamas
In the sack with yak.
Have intercourse with a horse
Make it limp in a chimp
Make it twirl in a squirrel
Make love with a dove
Make some porn with a unicorn
In the bog with a dog
On a train with a crane
Part the hare of a mare
Put it in the mid of a squid
Put your cock in a peacock
Put your noodle to a poodle
Put your thang in an orangutan
Shoot your load in a toad
Shove your log in a dog
Shove your willy up a filly
Sixty-nine with a swine
Stick your dork in a stork
Stick your needle in a beetle
Up the ass of a bass
Up the fanny of a nanny
Up the hole of a mole
CHICAGO
Melody – The Bear Went over the Mountain
Notes: This song is rarely, if ever, sung in Chicago. In fact, it is strictly forbidden for visitors to use this song to serenade the hash. That being said, if you travel you’ll probably be asked to sing a few verses of this, so it is in your best interest to learn it.
CHORUS:
I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don’t work there any more.
Optional Verses:
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
Carpet she wanted,
Laid she got,
I don’t work there any more.
A lady came in for some nails,
Some nails from the store,
Nails she wanted,
Screwed she got,
I don’t work there any more.
A man came in for a balloon,
A balloon from the store,
Balloon he wanted,
Blown he got,
I don’t work there any more.
A man came in for a lollipop,
A lollipop from the store,
A sucker he wanted,
Sucked he got,
I don’t work there any more.
A lady came in for drain cleaner,
Drain cleaner from the store,
Drano she wanted,
Clean pipes she got,
I don’t work there any more.
A lady came in for a pony,
A pony from the store,
Horse she wanted,
Ridden she got,
I don’t work there any more.
A man came in for some wheels,
Some wheels from the store,
Wheels he wanted,
Rimmed he got,
I don’t work there any more.
A woman came in for a doughnut,
A doughnut from the store,
Glazed she wanted,
Creme-filled she got,
I don’t work there any more.
A lady came in for a throw rug,
A throw rug from the store,
Rug she wanted,
Rug-burned she got,
I don’t work there any more.
GANG BANG
Melody – “Billboard March”
Notes: This song begins with the chorus and the Verses are played out like a knock-knock joke. All optional verses end with “at the gang bang.”
CHORUS:
I love a gang bang, Oh yes I do,
‘Cause a gang bang makes me feel so good.
When I was younger, and in my prime,
I used to gang bang all the time,
But now I’m older, and turning gray,
I only gang bang twice a day.
Leader: Knock-knock
All: Who’s there?
Leader: Ida
All: Ida, who?
Leader: Ida want another gang bang!
Optional Verses:
Ranger,
Arranger for best entry …
Oliver,
All of her clothes were off …
Dolly Parton
Dolly’s partin’ her thighs …
Yurin
Yurin for sloppy seconds …
Tijuana
Tijuana bring your mother to …
Kissinger
Kissinger great, but fuckin her’s better …
Orange
Aren’t you glad you’re …
Aspen
I spend too much time at the …
Irish
I wish we were …
Shelby
She’ll be sore after …
Police
PPPPPlease take me to …
Platypus
Plenty O puss …
Howard
How were the tits …
Extinct
It stinked like fish …
Maybell
Maybe she’ll do us all …
Ilene
I leaned her over the couch …
Heada
Had a lot of sex …
Shirley
Surely you got laid …
Ima
I’m a glad we had this …
Eisenhower
I’s an hour late for …
Gladiator
Glad he ate her out before …
Dixie
My dicks erect …
Kenya
Can ya give me directions to the..
Abbott
I bet you won’t be alone at the…
Charlie Pryde
Charlie pried her legs apart at the…
JESUS CAN’T GO HASHING
Melody – Battle Hymn of the Republic
Notes: This song usually begins with an optional verse before the chorus is sung, but I’ve still listed the optional verses afterwards. For optional verses, the line is repeated three times before “Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves” is sung. At the conclusion of the song hashers usually fall to their knees and pray with the refrain “Jesus we’re only kidding.”
CHORUS:
Free beer for all the hashers;
Free beer for all the hashers;
Free beer for all the hashers;
Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!
Optional Verses:
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s nailed upon the cross;
All the harriettes love Jesus ’cause he’s hung like this (spread out arms);
Jesus don’t need flour ’cause he lays the trail in blood;
Don’t give your beer to Jesus ’cause he’ll turn it into wine;
Jesus won’t come hashing because Judas pissed him off;
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause he’s only got 12 friends.
Jesus can’t go hashing, he’s got shiggy on his head.
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his wood is just too big.
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his dad knows all the trails.
Jesus can’t go hashing ’cause his wife is such a whore.
LIMERICKS
Melody (Chorus Only) – Mexican Hat Dance (Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay)
Notes: The chorus is sung, the insults spoken. The object is to take turns telling limericks, with everyone singing the chorus between limericks. Whoever said the previous limerick usually yells out the personal insult in the chorus.
CHORUS:
Aye, aye, aye, aye,
(insert personal insult):
So sing me another verse that’s worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around by my willie.
INSULTS:
Your mother and father were brothers
Your brother fills empty cream donuts
Your father eats your brother’s cream donuts
Your sister eats bat shit off cave walls
Your sister leaves slime trails like snails
Your mother does squat thrusts on silos
Your brother eats grandfather’s donuts
Your sister douches with Drano
Your sister swims after troop ships
(and catches them)
(and swims back)
Your sister’s in love with a carrot
Your sister goes down for a quarter
Your sister sucks moose cum off pine cones
Your mom uses Frisbees for diaphragms
Your sister got turned down by hashers
Your mother’s vibrator is made by John Deere
Your mother uses hamsters for tampons
Your sister rides bikes without seats
Your mother’s so dry the crabs carry canteens
Your brother eats green spots out of birdshit
LIMERICKS:
There was a young man from Australia,
Who went on a wild bacchanalia,
He buggered a frog,
Two mice, and a dog,
And a bishop in fullest regalia.
There was a young lady named Anna,
Who stuffed her friend’s cunt with banana,
Which she sucked bit by bit,
From her partner’s warm slit,
In the most approved lesbian manner.
In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Just stroking the butt of his madam,
He was quaking with mirth,
For on all of the earth,
There were only two balls, and he had ‘em.
A mathematician named Fine,
Always showed her classes a good time,
Instead of multiplication,
She taught fornication,
And never got past sixty-nine.
There was a young dino named Barney,
Whose treatment of kids was quite smarmy,
He’d probe every hole,
Then swallow ‘em whole,
Till his shit looked like children con carne.
There was a young lady from Munich,
Who was ravished one night by a eunuch,
At the height of her passion,
He slipped her a ration,
From a squirt gun concealed in his tunic.
There once was a woman from Phlox,
Who set dynamite off in her box,
To describe the sensation,
She cried with elation,
“It’s better than elephant cocks!”
A woman from South Carolina,
Placed fiddle strings ‘cross her vagina,
With proper sized cocks,
What was sex, became Bach’s
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.
A certain young maiden from Babylon,
Decided to lure all the rabble-on,
By dropping her shirt,
And raising her skirt,
Exposing a market to dabble-on.
There once was a rabbi from Keith,
Who circumcised men with his teeth.
It was not for the treasure,
Nor sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath.
There was a young man of Koblenz,
The size of whose balls was immense,
One day playing soccer,
He sprung his left knocker,
And kicked it right over the fence.
There was a young lady named Alice,
Who used dynamite for a phallus,
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
Her arsehole in Buckingham Palace.
There once was a lady from Arden,
Who sucked a man off in a garden,
He said, “My dear Flo,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said (swallow hard)”I beg pardon?”
There was a young lady named Alice,
Who thought of her cunt as a chalice,
One night sleeping nude,
She woke, feeling lewd,
And found in her chalice a phallus.
There once was a villain, so feared,
He tied a girl to the tracks and leered,
But he tied her up the wrong way,
Not sideways, but longways,
And a forty-car train disappeared!
There once was a priest form Boston,
Who found a pub he liked to get sauced in,
But, in walked a boy and a mule,
And he started to drool,
For he didn’t know which ass to get lost in.
There once was a man from Kildare,
Who was screwing his lady on the stairs,
But on the 35th stroke,
The banister broke,
So he finished her off in the air!
MAYOR OF BAYSWATER’S DAUGHTER
Melody – The Ash Grove
Notes:The additional verses take the place of the first two lines of the first verse – the second two lines of this verse are repeated every time.
The Mayor of Bayswater,
He has a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dickie-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
CHORUS:
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs, (And the hairs!)
And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
One black one, one white one,
*And one with a bit of shite on,*
And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,
Hang down to her knees.
Additional Verses:
I’ve smelt it, I’ve felt it,
It’s just like a bit of velvet.
I could not believe my eyes,
When I peered down between her thighs.
I she were my daughter,
I’d have her cut them shorter.
I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it,
I’ve lain right in between it.
I stroked ‘em and poked ‘em,
I rolled ‘em and smoked ‘em.
You’d need a coal miner,
To find her vagina.
She says she is not a whore,
But she bangs like a shithouse door.
She married an Italian,
With balls like a fucking stallion.
She divorced the Italian,
And married the stallion.
She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard.
She divorced the Spaniard,
And ran off with the bloody lanyard.
The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers.
She sat on the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt.
She went to Arabia,
And got camel drool on her labia.
She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn’t marry her.
MONDAY IS A WANKING DAY
Melody – Itself
Notes: Each line is repeated back at the leader of the song. For the last line of the chorus all members raise their cups over their head and dance around in a circle. After each new Verse, the last line of all previous verses are repeated before the chorus is sung.
Today is Monday,
Monday is a waking day.
CHORUS:
Leader: Are gonna have a good time?
All: You bet your ass we are!
Da da dut da da, da da dut da da
Today is Tuesday,
Tuesday is a finger day.
Today is Wednesday,
Wednesday is a hmmmm day,
Today is Thursday,
Thursday is a drinking day,
Today is Friday,
Friday is a fucking day,
Today is Saturday,
Saturday is a hashing day,
Today is Sunday,
Sunday is a day or rest.
Variants: Depending on where you are and on what days the local hash is run, the lyrics may be changed to make note of this fact – for example, at the Thirstday hash Thursday becomes a “hashing day” while Saturday becomes a “drinking day.”
THE S & M MAN
Melody – The Candy Man
Notes: The first two lines of each verse are repeated back to the leader of the song as members attempt to out-gross the other members. Since this is a particularly nasty song, it has been known to clear out more than one bar – sing at your own risk.
Who will run through shiggy,
Ripping up his flesh,
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess?
CHORUS:
(Oh!) the S & M man.
The S & M man,
The S & M man because mixes it with love,
Makes the hurt feel good, the hurt feel good.
Optional Verses:
Who cuts off your gonads,
Boils ‘em in a stew,
Later that evening,
He’ll feed ‘em back to you?
Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?
Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
Hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass?
Who can take your penis,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it in a door,
So you can’t fuck anymore?
Who can take a sander,
Make sure it’s Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker?
Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he roots her up the rear?
Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?
Who can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast?
Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?
Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch
And make Vagina Parmesan?
Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?
Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead
And then toss her in a bag?
Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Sneaks around the back,
Digs through the dumpster,
Until he finds a tasty snack?
Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Fuck goin’ around the back
Kick down the front door,
And eat it out her snatch?
Who can take a sawfish,
Ram it up yer bum,
Run it back and forth,
To make some rectal chum?
Note: The verse “Who can take a baby,” can easily be replaced with “Who can take an R-Tard,”, and should be done every time R-Tard-E is present.
WOODPECKER SONG
Melody – Dixie
Notes: The leader of this song usually pantomimes the actions being described with her index finger.
I put my finger in the woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Take it out, take it out, take it out,
REMOVE IT!”
I removed my finger from the woodpecker’s hole,
And the woodpecker said, “God bless my soul,
Put it back, put it back, put it back,
REPLACE IT!”
Optional Verses:
Replaced/turn it round/REVOLVE IT!
Revolved/turn it back/REVERSE IT!
Reversed/in and out/RECIPROCATE IT!
Reciprocated/slow it down/RETARD IT!
Retarded/once again/REPEAT IT!
Repeated/let it go/RELEASE IT!
Released/pull it out/RETRACT IT!
Retracted/take a whiff/REVOLTING!
YOGI BEAR
Melody – Camptown Races
Notes: The chorus is a re-ordering of the previous verse, with the name of the bear sung twice, the description is repeated, and then the name of the bear is used once again.
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
CHORUS:
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
Yogi, Yogi Bear,
There is a bear in the deep dark woods,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.
Optional Verses:
Yogi has a little friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo
Boo-Boo has a girlfriend, Cyndi, Cyndi
Cyndi has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly
Cyndi likes it on the ice, Polar, Polar
Cyndi gets what she deserves, Pregnant, Pregnant
Yogi has a girlfriend, Suzi, Suzi
Cyndi wears lingerie, Teddy, Teddy
Suzi likes it up the rear, Dirty, Dirty
Suzi’s boyfriend has no teeth, Gummi, Gummi
Suzi she has great big tits, More than, More than (I can bear)
Yogi didn’t use a condom, Daddy, Daddy
Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala (Koala’s not a Bear!)
Boo-Boo has a twelve-inch cock, More than, More than,
Boo-Boo’s only three feet tall, Yogi’s a lucky bear
Boo-Boo likes it up the butt, Yogi’s a lucky bear
Yogi didn’t wipe his butt, Brown, Brown
Yogi uses Afro-Sheen, Black, Black
Boo-Boo likes both black and white, Panda, Panda
Yogi got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy
Yogi’s got an M-16, Right to, Right to
Cyndi and Suzie are making out, Klondike, Klondike
Yogi’s got a cheesy knob, Cammum, Cammum
Suzie’s fucking vegetables, Cucum, Cucum
Yogi is a Northsider, Cubbie, Cubbie,