Here’s pic from Lottie’s at the Circle Closing Ceremonies (yes, there is alliteration in the hash) where one of our hares Giddy Up is expressing some serious nonverbal commentary on something I did not catch because it was behind my shooting angle. Probably lost to history now, but the rest of the past is now captured in current perpetuity in the Fujirazzi pix on the website and at http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.6214odv7&x=0&y=rb8h3t&localeid=en_US

OMG WE had 52 hashers at Mondays run!!  Since there were so many please let me know if i missed someone on the list below so I can included them in the attendance sheets.  Great work by our NEW RA THE Enema Canal and much thanks go to our hash cash and beer mistress CUMS on I LEAN.  HOPE TO SEE you next week on CH3 MONDAY night 30th anniversary Hash.  933 W. Wolfram.  YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS THIS HASH!!!!  Many special things are planned!!!

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

——–

Laying Trail Sucks. Literally.

Hashed 16 June 2008, 7PM
Lottie’s (Dottie, We Likes to Party)  

By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times 

 

CHICAGO #1549 –  Just ask GIDDY UP. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything she’s ever experienced, she discovers that her co-hare, VIRTUALLY HUNG, is a vampire.  And Surprise! Now she’s one too.  For some hares, the whole running-and-drinking thing would have been a deal breaker.  But VIRTUAL and GIDDY UP are hashers, and they vow to work through their Checks. 

But word has it that the hare who initially laid trail wasn’t supposed to be recruiting.  Even worse, VIRTUAL’s erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a red-haired Austin call girl named (duh) BRRR!  And that really sucks.

If you recently picked up the literary gem “You Suck” by Christopher Moore, not only did you have an instant savings of $3.49 from Borders but THE ENEMA CANAL now has your book for safe keeping since the staff at 1925 W. Cortland will watch your bags but they are not keeping a library.  

With the weather getting warmer one has to wonder if Hashers actually have some legal form of employment because the number of hashers showing up for Monday night is getting to the point where we are taking over the bars.  “Now seating party of 40!”  There are always your familiar faces like CUMS ON I LEAN, HORN-E, and JUST I LEAN.  And there are the less than frequent like INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN, UP LOADER, MOLDY MAN SAC and JUST AMANDA.  But now we are getting people we ran out of town like PRICK OF THE LITTER who lives down in Nashville town.  It doesn’t matter as long as everyone pays their Hash Cash and makes an attempt to get lost (which is why you pay first.)  

We also had a high number of virgins, 7 total (Mohammed has 4 and 20 virgins [with comments like this I’m going on the naughty list like Salman Rushdie]).  JUSTs RENI, MANDY, MARTHA, EVA, ANDREA, EMILY, and JENNA for one reason or another showed up with probably not the slightest idea of what was to happen.  Of course they should be okay as VIRTUAL’s explanation of Hash Marks is always easy to understand.  I still believe that DR. FUCKS A LOT from Buffalo (He didn’t go to 4 years of fucking medical school to be called “mister&rdquo was still confused how we did things here.  We introduced ourselves to the virgins while TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS tried to blend in with them.  And then we dispersed like a flash mob hopped up on caffeine.    

The day that JUST JOHN was introduced to hashing, the FRBs must have taught him all the wrong things ass he was passing up THE PORCELAIN GOD and CROP DUSTER on the trail.  Meanwhile JUST AMY was busy chatting about awesome yoga stretches with her virgin.  W’ALL BANGHER was looking very determined to be one of the front runners as she was prepared with her blue knee pads.  As for CHICKEN STIFFER and HORN-E, if past experiences serve me well, they were probably far off trail hoping to find a short cut. 

The hares, whom still suck, were particularly mean today as they circle jerked and zig-zagged the trail back and forth.  LIFA enjoys these trails while R-TARD-E is just trying to be the DFL, again and again and again.  Which brings us to our non-descript beer stop which at least one hasher almost ran right by.  ENEMA played a cruel joke on HORN-E by handing him an empty beer (acceptable hash behavior) to which HORN-E replied by opening his slightly shaken beer into ENEMA’s ear (also acceptable).  CUMS ON I LEAN somehow beat all the other bimbos and was actually the FBI to the beer stop which means that all the others should be ashamed on themselves to losing to a “ Walker ” (Not that this is competitive by any means.)   

So let’s fast forward to the On-In.  Multiple hashers decided to harass our waitress with food orders thereby preventing the free flow of beer, shame on all of you involved especially JUST ALEXIS who should feed her tapeworm before she leaves the house.  Amazingly a lot of NRB showed up to include MOUNT SCHWIINGA , TOO MUCH HEAD, WRAPPER SNATCHER, SALTY GASH, JUST CLAIRE, and I LIKE DICK (who oddly enough was behaving).  BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CUMS ON I LEAN were of immense help keeping vessels wet with the good stuff as the very noisy circle was going on, exhausting the Apprentice RAs repertoire of songs.  Speaking of songs, we all learned it is hard to say “THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER has two but very small” fast enough to get to the next line.

HARES (2.5): Giddy Up, Virtually Hung, Giddy Up’s Driver
VIRGINS (7): Just Reni, Just Emily, Just Mandy, Just Martha, Just Eva, Just Andrea, Just Jenna

VISITORS (3): Dr. Fucks a Lot (Buffalo), Prick of the Litter (Nashville), BRRR (Austin)
HASHERS [with almost half being NRBs] (39): Two Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lockness Cockster, Its Too Soft, Chicken Stiffer, Horn-E, 867-5309, Too Much Head, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porecelain God, Sit-n-pee? (Just Ed), The Enema Canal, UpLoader, Salty Gash, EZ on the Ass, Likes it on the Bottom, R-Tard-E, W’all Bangher, Batteries not Included, Cums on I Lean, Just I Lean, Mouthful of Meat, Just Alexis, Just Claire, Just Nettie, Mount Schwiiinga, Just John, More Tail, Moldy Man Sac, I Like Dick, Just Amy, Mudsucker, Sir Poops a Lot, International Virgin, Crop Duster, Risky Business, Just Brett, Just Amanda, and Lifa

TOTAL: 52 Peeps

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Hashers are placed in alphabetical order by favorite movie.

Favorite movie of Two Tickets is: Annie

Favorite movie of Lifa is: Waterworld

 

 

___________________

Hare(s): Giddy Up & Virtually Hung
Venue: Lottie’s Pub - 1925 W. Cortland Ave.
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite losing lotsa $$ betting on Big Brown’s spectacular Triple Crown flameout at the Belmont Stakes.

Hollywood glitterati welcomes the new comedy team of Virtual and Giddy Up as they combine forces for a trail we kit up for outside the Green Zone in the Eastern Kandahar Province. Max out on grenades & ammo cuz this one’s probably going to get "hot".

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to Armitage, pause briefly to gaze at the Lincoln Park Trixies and Chads before boarding the Armitage #73 bus to Winchester, hoof it a couple blocks South to Cortland. Da bar iz @ Cortland & Winchester a block from where Flash used to live. If you get to Damen you spaced out and missed the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, walk northernly about a quarter of a mile, then east on Cortland one block.  Lottie’s Pub is on the southwest corner.

Driving

Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Armitage and Damen and find a place to park.  Lottie’s is one block south of Armitage and one block east of Damen.  Parking is a pain despite being this far outside of the Green Zone, but usually available.