Let it be known that the Calvin Klein’s birthday beer-stop-less death march all the way out to the former Casa De Smell This @ Wolcott & Division in Wicker Park will not go unnoticed but at least you can catch Just Jenny’s naming video (it was dark so more audio than anything else but still funny).
Hash Trash: 1/27/08
Hares: Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joes on Weed
VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Stepanie, Just Taraneh
VISITORS:
HASHER- Just Rob, Just I LEAN, R-Tard-E, Super Stuffer, Chicken Stiffer, Dykey Old Hooker, Batteries not included, Mouthful of Meat, Mount Me Please, Just Balz, Horn-e, Frosted Discharge, Just Saud, Chip-n-dale, Its Too Soft, PackHer Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, KGB, Just Tyrone, Virgin Banger, Peterbilt, Just Jenn, Just Luke
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 28
The Birthday hash commenced on a fine spring day of 45-degrees? CALVIN KLEIN and JUST ROB explained the marks to our new virgins JUST STEPANIE, JUST TARANEH, and JUST ROB. The pack was in for a longer hash then usually even though CALVIN was hung over from the shots VIRGIN BANGER bought for him the night before. We welcomed back DYKEY OLD HOOKER from Florida and I hear that she is making Chicago a more permanent home, which is excellent news for the Chicago Hash. The chalk talk was over and the hash was off. JUST I LEAN and I went left on Kingsbury but the trail went right and I believe SUPER STUFFER was on. The trail wound around Old Navy and crossed North Avenue. JUST TYRONE stepped out into traffic playing the traffic cop for us and holding back the traffic.
R-TARD-E kept the virgins company at the end of the trail while the middle of the pack-running north Down Kingsbury was made of MOUTHFUL OF MEAT and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. JUST ROB II found trail going west on Armitage and the pack was soon across the river. The pack got to a check and I went left and CHIP-N-DALE followed me, why I do not know because I was not on because true trail cut right. BALZ was near the front of the pack at this time as well. The trail soon passed an accident at Armitage and Ashland so MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE felt compelled to play traffic cop and hand out tickets to the offender. CHIP-N-DALE and I were off after a check with JUST ROB in tow. JUST ROB and I found a check on Milwaukee Ave. He went west and I took off south down Milwaukee Ave. I found the marks near division and was off on trail. The trail crossed back over the river at Division and we were back to the bar.
Calvin soon had the circle going and had to punish himself and JUST ROB for a shitty trail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RA punish themselves before. JUST ROB II was called in for the whitest legs at the hash but JUST TYRONE thought he had ROB beat. JUST SAUD, MOUNT ME, FROSTED DISCHARGE and KGB were our reboots and we do miss our missing in action hashers.
PETERBILT brought his roasted nuts and sat down for a cold one. PACKHER ASS got a chivalry down down for saving the GM’s faux pas for wearing his shirt inside out. ITS TOO SOFT drank all the beer as usual and shot a wad of film. SUPER STUFFER feigned sickness and had his woman drink his down-down for him. What a whimp! JUST BALZ decided to drink a full pitcher down-down; maybe we will call him “no suck all swallow”. MOUNT SCHWIINGA was unusually quiet today but our haberdashery artist was there along with our t-shirt God VIRGIN BANGER. Eventually CALVIN closed the circle and people went on their way.
A few hashers stayed behind like JUST JENN to talk and drink. We got to talking about the song “Jenny I’ve got your number”, and she informed us that she sometimes gave out the number 867-5309 as her own to unwanted guys at bars. The GM picked up on this along with the RA and HARERAZRS so we have now named JUST JENNY, 867-5309. See you next week and check out the hash counts on line for 2007.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
Well Calvin was too hungover from his birthday celebrations the previous Saturday night to add some colored carpenter’s chalk to the white flour he set trail with so guess what, white flour marks on white snow. Above is a picture from an actual mark on trail (red circle added so you can see the damn thing) this is what the pack had to contend with for like six miles of trail on Sunday!
Hare(s): Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joe’s Bar - 940 W Weed St.
Hash Cash: Still only $6 despite the Hash taking a $2.4 billion writedown in the Fourth Quarter in our portfolio of subprime mortgage-backed securities thanks to an emergency hash cash infusion from a consortium of KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)-based sovereign wealth funds.
$6 pitchers and pizza, we’ll hang out in da back room. Can’t go wrong with that and we’ve never a bad time at Joe’s...
Come out and help celebrate the hares getting closer in age to Horn-E (on a percentage basis).
CTA Alert: If taking the L to the hash leave extra time as I noticed the Northbound Red Line is running on Track #4 (normally Track #3) meaning platform work is being done again at Fullerton & Belmont i.e. there will be delays so allow extra time for CTA 3-Track Construction. I almost missed my own hash last week due to this hoo ha.
Weather forecast is currently expected to be a relatively balmy (compared to last week’s Frostbite-stravaganza Ice Bowl hash) 33 degrees and we may see some of the Permafrost melting on trail or a polar bear or two passed out from heat stroke (not down downs)
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to North Clyborn, hoof it two blocks West to Fremont, a block South to Weed and a 1/2 block West to the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, hoof it a 1/2 block North to the North Ave #72 bus which runs about every 10 minutes that time of the day on Sundays to Sheffield, hoof it 1 block South on Sheffield to Weed and East on Weed to da bar.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie whilst contributing to ongoing polar bear habitat decline as the Arctic ice sheets melt away and cruise to Weed St. between Sheffield & Fremont. Parking is usually kinda scarce on Weed by da bar but can usually be found to the South in the ‘hood like on Blackhawk or Eastman st.
but
What? I thought our slush fund was based out of Kuwait.