Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit From Lincoln Park/Lakeview:Get on the Brown Line and head in towards the Loop. Exit at Quincy/Wells and walk North to Adams. Turn West and take Adams out of the Loop and over the River. Once you hit Canal St look for an entrance into Union Station – Metro Deli & Cafe is inside just off of the Great Hall. From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Hop on the Blue Line and ride towards the Loop. After riding through the Loop, exit at Clinton and head North to Adams and then head East. Once you hit Canal St look for an entrance into Union Station – Metro Deli & Cafe is inside just off of the Great Hall.
Hop in your hooptie and cruise to Union Station. There’s parking there isn’t there? I honestly have no idea</h4HASH TRASH Misremembered By Little Trojan Annie
Rhotan, overzealous at the prospect of breaking up the monotony of his suburban life, was determined to set a trail the Chicago hashers would never forget, and did so by nearly killing them all.
His first step was to confuse the hashers, which really isn’t all that hard to accomplish. He did so by changing the venue just two days before the hash. Granted, both places were located in Union Station, but he moved the hash from a bar to a deli, which really doesn’t make any sense. Many hashers were lost that day, literally and figuratively: they either couldn’t find the fucking deli or they just refused to leave the bar.
If that weren’t enough, Rhotan sent out a message that he was prelubing and others should join him, and then he didn’t show up. Little Trojan Annie was the only one stupid enough to fall for this one, and actually showed up an hour early to the hash. However, being the trooper she is, she made the best of it: a fine gentleman at the bar insisted on buying her a beer, and she accepted. He had a glorious mullet and eye patch, and introduced himself as Cletus, a dairy farmer from northern Michigan. LTA and Cletus spent a pleasant hour bonding over conversation revolving around beer, Chuck Berry, and tending cattle.
The smarter hashers (“smarter” being a relative term here) started trickling into the deli, and it was the biggest bunch of wankers and bimbos a hash ever saw, including String Theory, O’Shitty Runch, Dickens Cider, That Thing That Vibrates, Just Hattie, Just Kate, Just Adam, The Dark Kunt, Mudsucker, Lifa, Snatchsquatch, Happy Ass Grabber, Virgin Banger, Stab’em and Slab’em, and Just Mark. Rhotan, getting lost himself, finally showed up and started the hash late, which is apparently expected hash behavior, if not acceptable.
Chalk talk took place in a parking garage, and Rhotan’s excitement for this trail was just oozing out of his every orifice; he forgot what marks he used on trail and was practically drooling as he gleefully informed the hashers how he lost his balls while laying trail. After being informed the first mark for trail was a check at the chalk talk circle, no one was sure what they were getting themselves into that day.
Trail started out at the normal shitty level, but the hashers soon realized it was about to reach epic levels of shittiness. The first clue was the first set of stairs. The second clue was the second set of stairs. The third clue was the third set of stairs. The fourth clue was the fourth set of stairs…to be honest, there really just weren’t enough stairs on this hash.
Then trail went underground into hobo territory, which, as of late, is a favorite hangout among the hashers. Lifa got lost because his GPS didn’t function underground, but it worked out to his advantage: he organized a Hobo H3 and is now always their FRB. The Dark Kunt was lucky enough to find the mother of all trail treasure: an entire ham. String Theory found a bottle of mustard, so the two of them had a nice post-Thanksgiving feast with some of the local transients around a hobo fire. Unfortunately (though not surprisingly) the meal ended abruptly as a fight broke out over the last hunk of pig flesh. More than one innocent hobo got shanked; TDK and String Theory escaped by doing most of the shanking.
This trail made Just Adam realize his affinity for stairs; he proceeded to go up and down every staircase whether trail led there or not. This would have continued had he not turned a corner in a stairwell and caught O’Shitty Runch with his ginormous balls hanging out, getting ready to take a piss. The sight of Runch’s testes sent Just Adam into a frenzied, psychotic state, and his recovery is questionable.
Finally the hashers emerged from the depths of Chicago, and made it to Buckingham Fountain for the shot stop. Four and a half miles until the first alcohol stop was causing a low muttering of mutiny among everyone, but the hare supplied schnapps, so the resistance was quieted for the moment. Once everyone’s bellies were warmed, the hashers were off once again.
It didn’t take long for everyone to long for the hobo-riddled underground that made up the first half of trail; the weather was especially horrid, wet and cold. Going down a particularly nasty rape alley the hashers came to the first real shiggy of the day (if you don’t count hobo shanks, that is): an enormous body of water, blocking the shortest path to the beer stop. The wind whipped up rather fiercely at that moment, creating an actual current, so the question then became: to ford or not to ford? They decided to risk it, and plunged onward.
After fording the river, during which 12 pounds of food, 6 boxes of ammunition, 2 oxen and a wagon wheel were lost, tragedy struck again: O’Shitty Runch got dysentery. Luckily this happened right around the corner from the beer stop, and everyone soon forgot about the horrible pain he was in.
It was still well over a mile to the on-in, so this hash scribe is going to interrupt this hash trash and appeal directly to the hare:
9+ MILES FOR A HASH…RHOTAN, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND?!
(Hey, I just said what everyone was thinking.)
Despite the fact that beer was provided for everyone, the hashers trudged back to the bar deli with heavy hearts. There were, however, two Good Samaritans on trail, Just Mark and Stab’em and Slab’em. They helped a girl who was dragged by her scarf from a car, and stayed with her to call the police, proof positive that hashing people are good people.
Once back at the Metro Deli, beer was procured, circle was RA’d by Happy Ass Grabber, and Rhotan certainly did not drink enough for his shitty trail. Late comers to the hash, the Non-Running Bastards, included Soul Taco, Ass 2 Mouth and Wang Chunks, and they were also punished because they were spared the long-ass trail. Then stories of the trail were told, down-downs were given, songs were sung, and laughs were had by all.
After running over nine grueling miles, Little Trojan Annie decided that she’s tired of the urban hasher life, ran to Cletus’s open arms on his train platform, and took off to northern Michigan with him to elope and spend the rest of her days as a dairy farmer wife. Everyone else who didn’t collapse from exhaustion went to Aurelio’s to visit Tell It To My Nipples , who missed the hash because he was working. He was gracious enough to let everyone mooch a bunch of free pizza from him, so he was spared any down downs for not making trail that day. By the end of the night O’Shitty Runch had given everyone dysentery, and after consuming his fair share of free pizza, he promptly died. His tombstone simply read: Shitty weather, shitty trail, Shitty Runch.
Chicago HHH Run #1709
Sunday 2/20 – 2:00 PM Hares: Wizard Sleeves & R Tard E Venue: Shenanigans’ House of Beer – 16 W. Division St. Hash Cash: $8
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Clark/Division, hoof it 1 1/2 blocks East to da bar.From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to to Division, Division #70 bus East to Dearborn, bar is between Dearborn and State.Driving Hop into your hooptie and cruise to your nearest Red Line stop and take the L. Cheep parking is about as easy to find as Jager bombs in Mecca. If you must drive, your best bet is West towards Cabrini Green where it thins out a bit, for obvious reasons.
Hashers can arrive earlier at NOON or a little before to watch the Bears Playoff game until the hash.Hares: Virgin Banger, Poultry F*cker, and Chicken StifferVenue: Four Kitten Tavern 2241 W. Ainslie #1
Easy to find parking or take Brown line to Western walk three blocks north to Ainslie and turn east (right) two blocks to the address. Also You can take Western Bus to Ainslie or Lawrence bus to Oakley and walk north to AinslieHash Cash: $8From the hares: The hash is invited to arrive at NOON for the Bears vs Seahawks playoff game. There are two 40+ inch HD TV’s to watch the game on. After the Hash there will be food. Rumors say something about White BeanChicken Chili. Oh and there will be beer.
Hey ya wanks,
It’s been a while since we’ve had a MisManagement meeting, so I figure tomorrow is as good a time as any to have one.
The meeting will be at Lion Head Pub (2251 N. Lincoln) at 7pm on July 21.
Here are a few things I have in mind for the agenda so far:
State of Hash Funds
I still have Anthrax shirts for some reason. If you or someone you know HAS NOT picked theirs up, I’ll be selling it.
We bought extra PoP mugs in honor of the 10th anniversary. The left over ones will be sold for $5 each.
CH3 and TH3 teamed up to create a new moisture wicking shirt. These are currently on sale for $18.
Open dates for upcoming hashes.
We need a back up RA.
This is all I have so far as no one has brought any other issues to my attention. If you have anything you’d like me to consider discussing shoot me an email and we’ll figure something out.
Note our usual drinking practice specials – free food buffet 4-7pm, $2 domestic bottles and $2.75 beer of the month will be available also.
Questions? Comments? Email me at email@example.com
What: Chicago HHH Run #1666When: SATURDAY 6/26 – 2:00 PM
Where: 4660 N Winthrop Apt 3N
Hares: AssCapades & Snatchsquatch
Hash Cash: $8
C’mon out to dodge gangs and bullets in poverty-stricken Uptown! For 8 bucks, you get an foofdeck on-in with keg o’ beer, delicious grillables, and a REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY shitty trail (but still better than R-Tard-E trails)
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit:
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Lawrence. Head East towards Aragon Ballroom, then one block south to Leland & Winthrop. Look for the red brick building just past Leland on the West side of the street
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: HAHAHAHAHA. Western bus (49) north to Lawrence. Lawrence bus (81) to Lawrence Red Line. Same as above.
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Broadway & Leland. Street parking all around as long as you don’t mind coming back to it on BLOCKS!
Vegas has 6:1 odds that Snatch will kill R Tard before the night is over!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, hoof it four blocks South to Montrose and then East (left) on Montrose about a block bar is on the Southern border of Wells Park.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Montrose, Montrose 78 bus East to Western, hoof it four blocks South to Montrose and then East (left) on Montrose about a block bar is on the Southern border of Wells Park..
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Montrose & Western, then one block East to Claremont. On street parking on the side streets is usually very not bad.
Chicago HHH Run #1655
Sunday 4/18 – 2:00 PM
Hare(s): PokeHisAnus & R-TardE
Venue: Green Eye Lounge 2403 W. Homer
Hash Cash: $8
This is Poke’s last hare on American soil for about a year and the 3rd anniversary of the 54 back check trail. Should be a terrible trail. Come out and join us!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Brown Line to Armitage, Armitage 73 bus West to Western. The bar is just west and south of Western.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western. The bar is right off the auxiliary entrance/exit if you’re coming in on a north bound Blue Line. Or you can just walk from home to Western & Homer. The hash is not responsible for any WUI tickets on the way home tho.
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Western and Homer.
Chicago HHH Run #1654
Sunday 4/11 – 2:00 PM
Hare(s): Magnetic Muff & Just Do Me Slowly
Venue: Corner Bar – 2224 N. Leavitt
Hash Cash: $8
NOTE POSSIBLE HAWKS GAMEWATCHING AT NOON BEFORE THE HASH – STAY TUNED!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview “Green Zone”: Red Line to Fullerton, Fullerton 74 bus West to Oakley, hoof it a couplea blocks East and South to Leavitt & Palmer
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Western, hoof it a block North to Armitage, three blocks East to Leavitt and four blocks North to Palmer.
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Leavitt & Palmer. Parking should be okay as long as it’s not Resident Zone Permit.