The Tale of the Trail Chicago Post 1500 Hangover Hash @ Party Central

Hash Trash 7/22/2007
Post 1500 Hangover Hash & bRUNch
by It's Too Soft

Sunday morning found the crew brutally hungover but many still wanting one last hurrah. My living room looked like Jonestown Guyana the day after they drank the Kool Aid, as it was littered with fallen hashers. Yet we were blessed with a third consecutive day of unseasonably awesome weather (thus guaranteeing the RA nearly limitless down-downs) which found a pack of just over 20 runners joined by several latecomers gathered at Party Central for one last go. The pack was almost all visitors as Chicago hashers pretty much said "I'm tired, hungover, generally feel like ass and I LIVE HERE so feck it - I can run around Fuji's place in Lincoln Park anytime, so I'm just gonna SLEEP IN". Fair enough. After they stowed their bags on the third floor deck which by that time was starting to look like baggage claim at O'Hare during Thanksgiving the pack gathered in alley between Diversey & Wolfram.

Chalk talk was led by GM Chicken Stiffer while Sin City's own Fluffer hurridly set trail thru unfamiliar territory with strict instructions NOT to exceed one statute mile (5,280 ft). I did not actually run his trail as once the pack left I hopped into my other car (the Interceptor smelled like a dead brewery after being used for two beer stops @1500) for a quick food run down to Dominick's as the pack would be expecting chow when they got back, and way some of these harriers run, we're talking ten minutes or less, hangover or not. RUN!!!

Anyhoo, Indy's C No Panty Ho graciously stayed back to help grab the grub and when we got back we were joined by  Assfault (who fired up the Skydeck's brand new (virgin) BBQ grille and cooked the bacon - first time I've seen that done but if you think about it it does seem to make sense) and Moan On who prepared a feast for the starving pack down belowdeck for when they returned.

As we were unloading, back saunters in our hare saying "I think these guys are going to kill me as I think the trail was well over TWO miles". Near as I can tell from marks I've seen in the hood since then the trail did a big clockwise loop first South and then West around Party Central as the hare returned from the North. Great - hungover, starving, and now pissed hashers were about to stream back to my house en masse... just can't wait for that!

When they arrived, we cleverly stalled them with beer and bagels on the Skydeck where keg #2 from 1500 the previous day finally gave up the ghost. Fortunately I had passed on Chicked Stiffer's instructions and gotten a THIRD KEG just in case. Hindsight being 20/20 that turned out to be a very good call. Calvin Klein showed us he still had it with yet another excellent circle in which people were called out for everything imaginable. Soon food was brought up to the Skydeck and the circle was paused as the pack pounced on BREAKFAST. Peeps hung out after that, some more Chicago locals filtered in (I think for the food) and circle was reconvened for yet another round of down downs and continued as folks slowly started to filter out for their buses, trains, flights, etc. Next thing you know keg #3 was floating but for some miraculous reason continued to spout forth pitcher after pitcher of glorious beer like some kind of Hash Hannukah miracle. Eventually the laws of Fluid Mechanics set in and some quick thinking hashers went to the corner liquor store for a couple more cases where we finished off the day with Chicken Stiffer escorting the late bus people (I believe it was Indy - after three days of balls out drinking I'm not 100% sure!) to Union Station. The keg hoist performed its final duties of the weekend admirably bringing back down the empty barrels prior to being stowed until my next party.

Fortunately, due to a surge in late registrations for 1500 itself we had enough money from the event to cover the cost of hangover so we waived our announced $9 hash cash for trail & breakfast and made this a FREE HASH which was an unexpected bonus for the visitors and lost opportunity for those who slept in and skipped the Hangover trail... literally, you snooze you looze (booze). But from those who made it out for the events it seems like folks had a great time overall so we will do something like this again (maybe use someone else's car for the beer stops next time tho as the cop car now reeks like Alpine Valley after a Jimmy Buffett concert!). Thanks to all our visitors - see all y'all next time and mad props to all the locals whose efforts helped us pull this one off and not to mention the RA's for the unbelievable weather-  sometimes it's better to be lucky than good!!!

Party on on,

It's Too Soft

Proprietor, Party Central Chicago

and someone who really needs to clean out the back of his car

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1500 Weekend and 1500 @ Weed's – THE MAIN EVENT!!!

1500 TALE OF THE TRAIL 7/21/07

The planning for this hash began many days and months ago the first real talk began last November where a date was voted on by the Chicago Hash and July 21, 2007 won overwhelmingly by those present at the mismanagement meeting. A 1500 committee was formed which included VIRTUALLY HUNG, MILK MY YAK, ITS TOO SOFT, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, and I. Over the next several months we meet on occasion but planning began in earnest after the 1469/Anthrax Hash in December. The major concerns would be where we would have the event and where and who would set trail. Each of us took an area of the city to scout for possible venues and trails. We came back together in February and found it was difficult to find a venue that could accommodate 100+ hashers. I don't know who suggested WEED's but the problem was running from there would not be very memorable. ITS TOO SOFT came up with the idea of the buses and a hash was born. The concept was simple bus people to Buckingham Fountain and then run them back through the scenic downtown of Chicago!!! One of the best trails of the year!! Now the only thing that could mess with the plans was oppressive heat or rain!!

I arrived at 1:30 pm at the venue with BONER helping me carry in several boxes of goodies and all of my bags. I promptly got out my bike cable and lock and secured our CH3 gas can hashshit award, PMS green cup, our DOWN-DOWN Pipe, the BIG HUMP Trophy, and our prisoner Wylie from SIN CITY to the nearest and sturdiest post I could find so I would have peace of mind that none of our crap would be stolen. DMB showed up later and asked to lock up her large beer stein to the pole as well but this was done under strict supervision of BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED so nothing would be taken. Hashers began to arrive from the four corners of the country and checked in.

Meanwhile back at party-central FUJI was busy using his new toy the KEG ELEVATOR to get the keg on his roof deck. Folks this contraption is something you have got to see, no more lugging kegs up four flights of stairs to the roof deck of party central. The INDYSCENT hashers were impressed. When we finished counting those that signed up we had 103 people with 2 no shows, which makes sense since I have 3 tags left and made 104. The official count for this hash stands at 101 hashers present and accounted for!! Nice job Committee and those others that helped out. I was collecting rego's and checking people when our friend from Little Rock, FINGER PICKIN GOOD, showed up and bought me an old style which was mighty tasty. MOUTHFUL and BATTERIES were passing out t-shirts and bags just as fast as they could. BANK OF SPERMAMRICA and JUST LAUREN went around passing out tags for hasher's lanyards.

The official time listed for people to be at the hash was 2:30 pm but I have learned you need to give hashers an extra 15 minutes. The buses were scheduled to show up at 2:45 pm but even then BALLSALOTPUS almost missed the bus!! 101 hashers climbed on to two school buses and we even managed to get LAZY ASS on wheelchair and all. Some were crammed three to a seat and I managed to sit with SOGGY SPARKS, and SERVING SEAMEN. The route took us down North Avenue and ! to Lake Shore drive passing sites like the North Ave. beach and Castaways. MOAN ON TRAIL was awed with all the boats off Oak street beach!! and then we made Grant Park.

The hashers got off the buses, which were piloted by GEORGE and his wingman JOSE. An obligatory picture was taken at the Buckingham Fountain and I believe I heard UNALICKER say, "that thing is in Married With Children." The weather couldn't have been any better 80-degrees and low humidity CALVIN, the RA, knew he was a dead man. BONER was off chasing PLOT MY G SPOT somewhere when the hares called for a circle and chalk talk!! As someone else has already noted the hash began to draw a lot of attention to itself and the business cards VIRGIN BANG has given us came in handy for those interested parties. We even seemed to manage upsetting a few wedding parties taking pictures. The Circle ended and we even managed to allow everyone to say-scream his or her name with the help of the Mega Phone. The hash took off and HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT and LIFA lead us north through Grant Park.

We soon passed the Petrillo Band shell and the familiar sight of the movie screen for movies in the park on Tuesday nights. The hares really out did themselves by using many of the great Chicago Landmarks to run by. We crossed over Monroe Street with DO YOU FEEL PETER? and others out in front. Next we crossed the winding BP Bridge over Columbus that dumped into Millennium Park by the Pritsker Pavilion. SEX LUTHOR found trail going west and the pack was running again but we were soon stopped at the busy intersection of Michigan Avenue. HOT LIPS took her life into her own hands and crossed against moving traffic and you know what she made it!!! The trail kept going west and ran by State Street and Daley Plaza.

The trail finally crossed the river and the first beer stop was found at VIRGIN BANGERS businesses loading dock with the FUJI-mobile, lights flashing and horn blaring distributing beer from the back end of the car. We waited for the back of the! pack to show THE MESS, MOAN ON TRAIL, LAZY ASS, SEXORCIST and others along with the sweeping hare MILK MY YAK made it. We didn't wait alone because we had two beautiful kegs to keep us company. Numerous pictures were taken please take the time to visit www.chicaghash. com to see the first beer stop.

The pack had a choice next, the Turkey or Eagle trail. The eagle was 7 miles total while the turkey was just over 4 miles to home. The trail wound around the industrial area of Chicago and Halsted and many by this time were walking tired from 24 hours of constant drinking. The Ed's pressed on and I was running with CP and GAGGING ME SOFTLY. Quickly we were over Division and wound our way over to the train bridge over the Chicago River near North Avenue. JUST ALLAN and JUST STEVE peed in the bushes while there stood not ten feet away and porta potty?? I guess they like the nature thing? I bet we could have had the 1500 party right there on the river and no one would have stopped us? It was getting close to 6 pm and we made it back to Weed's. The pack carefully crossed over the rickety bridge and ran walked or crawled to the bar.

The Kegs were tapped and beer flowed freely from the steel containers. The circle commenced and CALVIN took over his duties. He called in all the visiting hashes one kennel at a time and the BIG-HUMPERS won back their trophy. PMS was brought in for lost property and got back her green mug from GREEN DRESS too bad I now have her shirt she was wearing from Sunday's hash. The highlight of the evening was the prisoner exchange between FLUFFER and BALLSALOTPUS. FLUFFER had stolen the dragonhead from our Chinese new years hash and Chicago had their WYLIE or DFL award. A down-down was completed and the prisoners were exchanged. Somewhere around this time BATTERIES knocked over the first of many pitchers of beer that lay on the ground. CALVIN was soon to repeat this clumsy feat as well. PUKE SUIT RIOT as his name states upchucked in the garden killing all the plants in a 5 ft sq. area YUCK!!

The Chicago Pipe or Sleeve was presented to CALVIN for the picture perfect weather and he did us all proud by pouring the beer directly on in his mouth, face chest, etc!! HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT gave CALVIN and I socks that he wore all day someplace?? Will washing them do any good? The Vegas hashers treated CALVIN to their version of Old McDonald had a farm as well. We said hello to our virgins, JUST STEVE, JUST ALLAN, JUST CORINNE, JUST GALAT, JUST LENA, and JUST TOM. I believe JUST STEVE also said hello to the porcelain God at least two times that night. Calvin soon had the circle closed and ROTTEN WHORE and LIFA served the food. Everyone enjoyed the Brown's Chicken and pasta but we need to come up with a new catering idea for future events. Maybe we can order Polish food from the Red Apple?? What do you think 69-CENT MAN?

The hash partied into the night and the Beer bong came out. I believe I saw LOCK NUT MONSTER and several others in a beer bong competition. Flippy Cups also made a showing at this hash with PUKE SUIT and SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO leading the charge in this game. I myself could be seen smoking a celebratory cigar for a hash well done. The circle was reopened after dinner and many hashers had changed their clothes in fact some were wearing other hashers clothes?? Who knows there are several alleys and dark places around WEEDS that a hasher could get a quickie in!! The night went on and on and on and the bar let us drink until 11 pm instead of the agreed to 10 pm and when we got there several hashers took off for the on after party at party central. We drank on the deck until at least 4 am because that is the time FINGER PICKING GOOD took off for O'Hare with BALLSALOTPUS giving him a lift to the airport. Pictures from this time confirm that DAVEY CROCHET was giving dance lessons to PACKhER ARSE; I think she might have learned some new stripper moves? Slowly like a car running out of gas the hash came to an end with bodies strewn everywhere at Party Central. The next thing I can remember is hearing UNALICKER walking by my place at 10 am that morning and me thinking I had to get up and set trail. THANK GOD for FLUFFER who did that for us the next day.

Special thanks go out to JUST CARRIE and JUST LAUREN for making and stuffing the bags. ODOR EATER made the music for us at WEEDS. BONER for helping me carry all the shit to the bar, ROTTEN WHORE and LIFA for taking charge of the food service, BATTERIES for selling all the haberdashery, The hares VIRTUALLY HUNG, CALVIN KLEIN, and MILK MY YAK for scouting trail and laying one of the best trails to date in Chicago. Finally I have to thank the 1500 committee MILK, VIRTUALLY, ITS (who is still hosing all the beer stop beer out of the cop car), and MOUTHFUL for the time and effort in putting together this memorable hash.

CHICKEN STIFFER
da CH3-GM

The Tale of the non-Trail Chicago 1500 Pre-Lube Pub Crawl for the CPD Memorial Foundation

Trash 7/20/2007

Chicago Hash House Harriers Sheffield Garden Crawl for the CPD Memorial Fund!!
by CHICKEN STIFFER

The weekend started with the dawning of a beautiful day on Friday, and in fact this would be true of every single day this weekend. When do you get four days of 80-degree weather in Chicago during July with low humidity? BONER was dropped off by PRINCESS LABIA at old party central and BONER and I went down to the Mega Bus stop to meet our visitors from Big-Hump and Sin City. Maybe it was a foreshadowing of how well things would run the next two days but when I called each bus at 3 pm UNALICKER and PLOT MY G SPOT both said, "I can see the Sears Tower!!", now that is not much information because anyone can see the tower from 50 miles away? It turns out that the Big-Hump bus got in late but the Sin City bus was on time each bus arriving within minutes of each other. We shook hands with SOGGY SPARKS, UNA, FLUFFER, DO YOU FEEL PETER? , LOCK NUT MONSTER, PLOT MY G SPOT, TLS, ELVIS, SERVING SEAMAN, and a few others. We conducted our friends to the Quincy/Wells stop and got them on the brown line. The trip took ½ hour and we were at Fullerton and ½ mile away from the Arlington House. BONER and I got most of these visitors their giveaways and told them to get a sandwich at the Bourgeois Pig for dinner.

The day went by fast and we were closing in on the 6 pm, start time of the Sheffield Garden Crawl. I got there and many of our visitors were already drinking and having a good time at Kelly's. They were surprised that the el ran so close to them and every minute or so conversation had to stop in the beer garden to allow a train to pass. Kevin Kelly was there. He is a Chicago Cop and the son of the owner so he allowed the drink specials to commence. $6 pitchers of beer began to flow and more and more people began to show up. Before we left for McGee's ITS TOO SOFT arrived along with JUST CARRIE, JUST CHRIS, QUARTER BARREL, and ELVIS. McGee's was packed with the usual DePaul crowd and more people began to arrive. POOPER SCOOPER and the ED's had arrived from the fine kennel in Minneapolis. FLUFFER was in fine form hitting on all he young co-eds. Can you say sensory overload!! BONER MALFUNCTION was ripping thru his rum and cokes faster then the Captain could make his well-known Pose!! The Crawl left McGee's and went to Slainte, we were selling more wrist bands and we saw HOOTERS and TWO TIKS join the crawl with JUST JIM. SEX LUTHOR and DAVEY CROCHET were bringing up the rear of the pack.

Things from here on out became more and more fuzzy. I began to change from CHICKEN STIFFER to FRIED CHICKEN, but we made it to Halligan where Rhonda and BALLSALOTAPUS our contacts from the CPD Memorial Fund showed up selling t-shirts and hats to interested buyers. The crawl rolled on down Lincoln and took over the Clarke Bar. Someone here bought me a thank you drink I believe it was HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT along with his entourage JUST TOM and FUCKO THE CLOWN? SERVING SEAMEN was ready to spew from the deck of the ship but she did make it out of the bar at least and home safely.

The night got darker and some crawler was wearing a flashing belt buckle that said "FREE SPANKINGS", which were administered frequently. The crawl was waiting in anticipation of our friends from INDY and the crew from BIG-HUMP along with DMB who missed the early bus on account of her hair appointment she just couldn't miss!! The Gin Mill was next and TOO MUCH HEAD showed up with friends. TOO MUCH HEAD looked like a different person this night with done up hair and a pretty smile. This is true about most of the hash though, when you get us out of our sweaty running clothes, "We clean up well!! The crawl marched on and rolled through the last bars. The arrival of CLIFF BANGHER, LAZY ASS, SEXORCIST, PMS, POSTAGE, MOAN ON TRAIL, C NO, THE MESS, NURSE HASHCHET?, GAGGING ME SOFTLY,TWO PUMP, ORGIE O'QUEF, etc. gave us at least 50+ hashers in the crawl to go along with the 150+ pup crawlers already.

The hash ended up at the Union at 11:30 pm and proceeded to drink and dance the night away. Memorable moments at this bar included MOAN ON TRAIL with legs wrapped around some unknown guy get spun around the dance floor.

The crawl was a great success and I believe we rose well over $600+ dollars for the CPD MEMORIAL FUND!!! Stay tuned for a free night at a local pub so we can present Rhonda with the money raised for charity from the Chicago Hash House Harriers. I was ready to call it a night by 1 am and went home but not before taking PMS, POSTAGE TRAMP, and DMB to La Bamba for the burritos as big as their cranium. POSTAGE ATE two!! I believe we should have included that as the 11th stop on the crawl as most people needed food by 1 am. Rumors abound that the BIG HUMPERS played pool to the wee hours of the morning and that a large group of hashers were seen drinking on the ITS TOO SOFT's roof deck until the sun came up. All I know is that BONER got back to my place around 10 am the next day with a full rum and coke mumbling, "I am so Fucked up!!!"

Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM

Tale of the Trail – 5th Annual Great Chicago Anthrax Scare & Santa Run

12.16.06 1469/Anthrax/Santa Hat Hash

The mismanagement team showed up around 1:45 pm and was helped out by VirtualY Hung, Copulator, and U got MY ROD with the 100 lbs of gear we had to carry mainly 60-70 lbs worth of Haberdashery. Rear loader and I handed out shirts and tags and collected regos. It was funny to see a rendition of Jesus saves performed with what looked like a real Jesus in the middle (HORN-E). It was pretty cool to see many old faces like LICK HER HARD and SMELLY CONCHA return to the hash but we also had many virgins including JUST AMY, JUST ANTOINETTE, JUST JOHN, JUST DO ME SLOWLY wait she’s not a virgin!!! I also meet FINGER PICKIN GOOD who flew in from Little Rock that day just to hash with us! Too bad he flew back out at 8 pm he missed half the fun!!! MILK MY YAK arrived with the bio-hazard suits and soon the Rock was nothing but white with red Santa’s hats. You could even hear the call of 69-CENT man saying Red Eye page 39. HORN-E says we set the record for the largest hash this day in Chicago because we had 95 paid regos and Numerous people who showed up late to party with us at the ON-ON-ON-IN. Lets try to rebreak the record for 1500 this Summer? I have to thank MILK and REAR for helping distribute everything so we were ready to roll by 3 pm.

The circle was made across the street from the Rock where the CH3 GM was maliciously attack by HORN-E’s girlfriend in the chalk talk. I tried to defend myself with my antlers to no avail. ITS TOO SOFT said to me once if you want to be GM there will be days like these. After a quick chalk talk the pack was off south down Halsted helped out by CALVIN and PMS who took it upon themselves to stop traffic for 2 minutes maybe that is why officer De Lecruz called me twice during our run. NOTE for 1500 make sure we again alert the police they were most understanding of our fun run this day. The pack was soon in the heart of Lincoln Park where LIFA and BONER were hot on the trail set by the hares, but no!!!! There was a false trail set to the condo of CHICKEN no beer here fellas go back to the last mark by St. Clements. BALLSALOTPUS was snapping pictures left and right of the white and red clad pack, which for some reason came out a little blurry oh darn. The trail went back up North on Broadway where VIPER SNATCH this time took over the duty of traffic control to allow hashers to cross. Nice job!!! CP and JUST DO ME SLOWLY did the usually check hang here waiting for the FRB’s to report that they found the trail. Soon we were on the overly used corner of Diversey and Sheridan with a check that went into the park. Man those Big-Humpers must have been hurting because they all were trying to win the DFL award today.

The pack traveled south revisiting all the areas which were closed off for the great Anthrax scare of 2002. Most of the tail of the pack hung with the hare short cutting through the mud of Lincoln Park. Even JUST JOHN in from Michigan kept up all the way to the beer stop. Many hashers stopped for the photo op created by running through the zoo, I think I heard someone shout I SEE CAMELS! or was it CAMEL TOE!! You never know with this bunch. The pack made their way through the zoo and final out where they hit a major back check on trail. I think JUST PATTI and JUST JESSE found the correct trail here. Further south we hit the Turkey-Eagle split, which was never mentioned in the chalk talk dumbass Hares!! If you went Eagle you found the trail looped around the Chicago Historical society if not you went directly to BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED place where several Jell-o shots were waiting for the pack. It is here where an unfortunate incident took place. Several hashers including U GOT MY ROD, RHOTAN, MOUNT ME, and others decided to follow some very faded check instead of follow the CLEARLY marked beer near sign on the corner of Wells and Lincoln. This caused them to completely miss the beer stop. I really feel bad for them ……. NOT!!

After a 20 minute stop in the Ivory tower overlooking the park the hash was on again. The trail ran through the DePaul neighborhood but before it went there it went thru OZ park where several hashers including TRIASSALON and PRINCESS LABIA gained five-ten pounds of mud by running thru the ball diamond. All we needed then was a ref and a ring and we could have had instant Mud wrestling with these two gorgeous hashers. I think this would have drove the price of the hash upwards to $50 or more. In the Words of my friend though “You can’t pay for entertainment like that!” Several hashers were getting tired so I sent them on the short cut and said go to FUJI’s place well they went there but guys FUJI don’t live there any more! You see over the Summer he moved, I know this because I helped him MOVE!!! And I think he even invited all of you to his new place and just in case you don’t know where it is. It is at 933 W. Wolfram. The hare doubled back on the trail and I think I corralled most of the pack to ITS TOO SOFT for the second beer stop around 5 pm and we all were done hashing for one day. On wards to Durkins!!

It was a good thing I went to Durkins first because they were not going to let people in without ID’s after a little shouting done by REARLOADER and a conversation between Ursuala, the Hostess, and I, The GM convinced them that the average age of our group was 30 years plus. I think it helped when people like HORN-E, MUDSUCKER, 69-CENT MAN, and RHOTAN walked in. They did card people like TWO-HANDED STROKE and BARKS on ALL FOURS because they are youngsters. Everyone wanted food, When do we eat?? Is all I heard, but I think you will agree DOWN DOWNS on a full stomach can be hard so we began the circle. I think we can all agree ITS TOO SOFT made a classic move by getting the Bull Horn for CALVIN and HORN-E made a great call by getting the Hashshit award, by the way where did that thing go?? Let me know because I don’t have it. The hares were brought in the circle for Shitty trail as is customary. JUST INGA who showed up for every hash since boots and utes got her lanyard and whistle. This made JUST JESSE jealous, but she can get hers if she shows up once for a hash and for hash ball in Feburary. But I think all will agree the sight of the night was seeing 10-15 virgins receive their first DOWN-DOWN in the circle. I have to admit the CANS on 2 CAN SLAM were indescribable even Ed the bar manager raised an eyebrow to that because he couldn’t raise a beer while on the job. DMB and HUMMERS paid the price for trying to get the hares drunk the night before with a down down. We even sang Happy Birthday to TOO LOOSE to SCREW, and in the process almost lit CALVINS RA robe on fire!! SMELL THIS even got his own down down when we found his picture in a magazine. The best description I heard that night was he was trying to impersonate Freddy Mercury, Dear GOD I hope we still have that picture or can we get a copy it needs to be on the website!!! Around 7pm the food arrived and the hash was ravenous. I have to Thank ROTTEN WHORE for playing the part of hostess because she kept filling the empty trays with food. I have to say we should have given her man ODOR EATER a down down for hashing in a suit what is up with that!!

By 8 pm everyone looked well feed and watered down oh!! I mean beered down and Calvin reopened the circle. More abuse was poured out from the RA who looked pleasantly pleased with his new drinking vessel. Guard it with your life because many have tried to take my chalice!! It was nice to talk with MR. And MRS. ED in from Minneapolis they said they had a blast, which I think was the general feeling of all present. Later when things seemed to be winding down MAGNETIC MUFF tried to start her own naked hash. I think it was a smart move not too because Lincoln Park cops don’t mess around just ask HUMPTY DUMPTY who I heard got arrested? I saw CHEAP DATE go home early saying the words “I’m so DRUNK!!!” I just must take a minute to thank ITS TOO SOFT, who in his infinte wisdom used flour fours years ago to lay trail in a heavily populated area like Lincoln Park. On the serious side a special thanks needs to go out to ITS TOO SOFT for his constant updating of the CH3 website and his constant picture taking. I may joke with him and say “There’s something you don’t see everyday a Japanese man taking pictures!” but if he didn’t do this and do it for free our hash would not run as well as it does.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM

Tale of the Trail – The Union – 5th Annual Anthrax Pre-lube

12.15.06 - The Union Pre-Lube

The weekend of Anthrax started off well. I as the GM intended to get to The Union first to greet any visitors or virgins who may show up at 6 pm. I ran into Tri-Assalon on Halsted coming back from Home Depot with a new step stool so she could reach the top shelf of her closest and I convinced her to stop by the pre-lube which she did to the dismay of her sweater party she was supposed to go to. I got there at 5:55 pm and raised the CH3 Hash Flag for all to see. The Big-Humpers, DO MY BUTT, CLIFF BANGER, DAPPER SAPPER, LICKA GOOD NEIGHBOR, PEES LIKE A PRINCESS, and HUMMERS PARA LIBRE arrived right at 6 pm and began to increase their alcohol intake, which began earlier that day at Giordano’s Pizza. They were to joined later by PMS, POSTAGE TRAMP, VIPER SNATCH, and SEXORCIST. Slowly CH3 hashers arrived much like they would for the hash about 1/2 hour late. We were joined by SMELL THIS, DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS, EZ on the ASS, IT’S TOO SOFT, and PRINCESS LABIA. I always am amazed to see how well hashers clean up good examples are ASSFAULT and STUMPY this night. The Big-Humpers began to play dueling cameras with ITS TOO SOFT. I think many hashers went home with burnt retinas with all the flashing going on (NO NOT TITS, CAMERAS!!) The Athrax t-shirt was unveiled at 7 pm and was well liked by all, Thanks Rachel or C*** & PASTIES for the design!! DMB and HUMMERS kept buying the hares shots in the hope it would shorten the trail, guess that didn’t work!! We may have picked up a few virgins for the future in JUST CYNTHIA and JUST MARY as well. BATTERIES and CALVIN showed up around 8 pm when the group was reaching their alcohol limits but we did wait around for the last Big-Humpers to arrive and they did around 11 pm. TRI-ASSATHLON was heard talking about her good-looking ass and legs to BONER go figure?? We even had an appearance from CHEAP DATE and I thought she had been deported back to Brazil? BALLSALOTAPUS was seen jumping between the policeman’s party across the street and the hash party handcuffed to JUST CYNTHIA. It was getting late and the hare needed some sleep so I said good-bye to the group, which also included SPOTTED COCK, ROTTEN WHORE, MR. And MRS. ED.

CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM