Category Archives: Hash Ball
Click here for the official GPS Map of trail. Newly re-elected GM Chicken Stiffer was too hungover to make it out for the run itself but somehow showed up at the on-in.
Below is the Megabus taking a break off duty on Des Plaines between Polk and Taylor on Sunday’s trail, probably resting for the big Chicago Green Dress invasion coming in two weeks. We have yet to photograph the legendary double-decker Megabus species tho. But mad props to Hot Lips (right) who as GM of Grand Rapids was not only the one person crazy enough to roadtrip out for Hash Ball but also at the Hangover Hash beer stop managed to trade a crappy gringo beer (Miller High Life) for a crappy Mexican cervesa (Modelo Especiale) with the locals!
Hash Trash: 3/2/08
Hares: Rotten Whore, Odor Eater
Venue: Rottens Place
VIRGINS: Just Stephanie, Just Pops, Just Janet
VISITORS: Hot Lips
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Magnetic Muff, Just Ryan, Moldy Man Sac, Lifa, 8675309, Mouthful of Meat, Up Loader, R-Tard-E, Just Tara, Just Charlie, Just Tim, Just Andy, Just Kevin, Just Kristen
TOTAL HASHERS= 35
The day after hash ball was billed as a hangover hash and the GM came fully prepared to meet those conditions. I don’t know what the rest of you were thinking but shouldn’t all of you have come late to the hash with a raging headache and shaking knees? The day had 50-degree weather and with nice weather out comes the hashers, 35 hashers to be exact. I really can’t comment about the trail because I was on a bus making my way south, but I did hear that many people missed the beer stop?
Good thing the hash ball had left an over keg for hashers at the on-in. I made it right in time for the circle run by our own CALVIN KLEIN. He quickly punished the hares, ROTTEN WHORE and ODOR EATER. Our FRB was I don’t fucking know and our FBI was I don’t fucking know because I was still drunk. I do know that we had three virgins show up that laughed their asses off at our hash songs. JUST POPS, JUST STEPHANIE, and JUST JANET cannot wait to come back next week. JUST TARA gets a shout out for inviting them to the hash. JUST I LEAN finally turned 23 today and if you haven’t seen him we have renamed him TOM CRUISE……… Not!!!!!
It was nice to see MOLDY MAN SAC and 8675309 make it out today I guess a warm Sunday without football is all we need to get him to hash. Please do not tell him about Arena Football. MILK MY YAK was pouring beer today for the hash.
If you haven’t heard MILK MY YAK has been officially fired from the Haberdashery, but was been retained by the CH3 Mismanagement as the official Brew Master of the CH3 due to his supreme efforts of making tasty beer for the hash ball. CUMMA SLUTCHA and JUST BRAIN (our plumber) made it out today and even found time to down a few slices of Pizza, which I have been told is the largest pizza hashers have every seen in Chicago.
That ZA was 22 inches strong I’m sure not as big as ITS TOO SOFT but close. Eventual the circle was closed and most came inside to await the arrival of that large pie. Well I hope to see you out next week and check out the Green Dress Hash link if you are still thinking about joining 18 CH3 hashers in St. Louis.
Click here for Green Dress Info
Appendix by It’s Too Soft who actually dragged his very hungover ass out on trail:
As expected, the day started off badly with the trusty alarm clock going off at the weekday setting of 6:35am Sunday morning which reminded me why I should have given up BEER for LENT. I don’t care what Milk My Yak said about "formulating lower-alcohol versions of his homebrews" but to paraphrase my friend Beth’s grandmother, "that’s horsefeathers" or to quote Bill Paxton in the movie Aliens – "I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention to current events but we just got our asses kicked out there!" after his platoon of Colonial Marines was decimated by the aliens. Hash Ball was a blast but man, we paid the price.
Irregardless, I managed to drag myself out of bed at the crack of noon, slam a cup of coffee that could kill a small horse (that European stuff we get at work can be brewed kick-ass strong), and trundle down to Dugan’s (via my trusty steed, the Halsted #8 CTA bus) only to find that in addition to the hash my friends Kevin and Stacy and their post-church bar crew were gathered for a few cold ones after Mass. Nothing like being at a bar where you know practially everyone in the joint.
Back outside for the chalk talk, on a surprisingly warm day (given the weeks of subfreezing/near zero temps) Rotn and her Eagle Trail backup hare Horn-E debriefed the crew with the usual marks and then it was on out down South. The GPS captured the essence of the trail, interestingly we ran into the Megabus resting on Des Plaines, and there was a turkey/eagle split just on the other side of Halsted by Morgan’s. Since I had the GPS I decided to follow the eagle as the rest of the crew I was with peeled off onto the turkey.
Despite what others may have said, Horn-E laid a very well-marked and swept eagle trail and I had no problems wending my way through all those new "University Village" condos and townhomes to finally make my way to beer stop at a "U"-shaped Chicago Public School (I forgot the name) by Sheridan Park only to find that despite the fact I was near the rear there were only a handful of hashers there. Where was the rest of the pack? Vegas money had it they bee-lined for Casa de Rotn but we may never really know. But for those of us who were there we had plenty of beer even though we were apparently encroaching on the regular beer drinking hangout of some Mexican-Americans. In the interest of maintaining good international relations with our neighbors to the South, Hot Lips did manage to trade one of our Miller High Lives for a Modelo Especiale with them, essentially trading crappy gringo beer for crappy Mexican beer. Viva globalication!
After the beer stop the pack headed back to Casa de Rotn & Odor where we were joined by the rest of the pack and a bunch of non/slower runners and we killed the keg and got pizzas the size of Nebraska as Chicken mentions. Given we had plenty of hash cash we made an emergency beer run and got five 30 packs of more cost-effective beer of which I suspect at least three were left over as a bunch of us skated to Whirlyball on Fullerton to celebrate the 12th birthday of Just I Lean. Rotn will probably be drinking what’s left of those 30′s until Summer!
Hare(s): Rotn’ Whore
Venue: Dugan’s Drinking Emporium – 128 S Halsted (between Monroe & Adams)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $6 despite Congress and the Bush Administration passing a $186 Billion economic stimulus program.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Monroe you can either hoof it like eight blocks West to Halsted or if you’re lazy can schlep one block North and catch #20 or #127 buses Westbound on Madison to Halsted. Another good solution from the North side is take the Halsted #8 bus down to Monroe.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Monroe and the aforementioned eight block slog Westward or altenatively get off the Blue Line at Milwaukee/Halsted and take the Halsted #8 bus to the bar.
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Monroe and Halsted. Should be plenty of meter spots on street but check to make sure they’re not Sunday meters.
2007 Attendees: Lower Wack-off, Too Loose to Screw, Flying Hooters, Two-tickets to a pair a Thighs, Smell This, Hooked on Tonics, Milk my Yak, Barks on all Fours, Nuttin Bitch, CP, Batteries not Included, Calvin Klein, Spotted Cock, Ballsalotapus, Chicken Stiffer, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Erect da Red, Mount me Puh-leeze, Coffee, Tea or Me, Just Lou, Mount Schwinga, Sugar Nipples, Lifa, Princess Labia, Magnetic Muff, Rear Loader, Mud Sucker, Pardon my Flaps, Its Too Soft, Cum in my Assfault, and Virtully Hung.
Well Hash Ball really began at 7:30 pm damn that GM for telling you all 7 pm but with the bad weather I’ll bet most of you were happy with the extra 1/2 hour warning. The Ball went very well and major thanks go out to Odor Eater for the entertainment and Rotten Whore for organizing the event. We had 33 brave Hashers make it out this blizzard of night to be present and accounted for the Chicago Hash Harriers award night and GM election. The hash enjoyed tasty food and plenty of beer someone made out like a bandit and took home a pan full of leftover chicken and pasta. I wish I had a car to drive it home!!!
The Awards were handed out and the winners were:
Best Trail of 2006 - Calvin and Batteries for their Yucca Dance in Lincoln Park.
Worst Trail of 2006 - Ez on the Ass for his trail crossing jailbreak hash.
Best On-In - The Memorial Day Hash at Virgin Bangers and Rent-a-Virgin, with Peterbilt, Smell this, and Calvin Klein.
Front Running Bastard - Happy Ass Grabber
Front Running Bimbo - Flying Hooters
Best Beer Stop - Rear Loader and Horn-E for their 8-beer stop Trail.
DFL - CP
Non-Running Wussy - Smell This
Hash Bimbo - Magnetic Muff and her naked hashes
Hash Wanker – Ez on the Ass for paying hash cash in Chinese money
Hash Shit - Mudsucker for gas beer at the Southside parade
Hash Couple - Mount Me Puh leeze and Coffee, Tea or Me
Bill January Award - Boner Malfunction
GOLD WHISTLE AWARD – Its too Soft for going above and beyond the call of hash Duty
And The NEW GM is the OLD GM- Chicken Stiffer
Hash Ball Wound down around Midnight and the hashers trekked through the blizzard of 2007 to get home or to the next bar. One side note was that LIFA missed his train downtown and had to stay at the GM’s house overnight, poor Lifa.