Tale of the Trail Chicago #1521 @ Burton Place: Pre-Anthrax Hash

 Hare(s): Batteries Not Included & Calvin Klein
 Venue: Burton Place - 1447 N Wells St, Chicago, IL 60610
(312) 664-4699
 Hash cash: Take-out-a-second-mortgage-on-the-cat price of $6.

 

 Here's Peterbuilt who is rarely captured on binary film doing a down down for not running Calvin & Batteries' death march through the Old Town and the Mag mile. Beautiful Christmas lights on trail as Michigan Avenue was once again decked out to the nines! We should probably have called this hash the Fall on A$$ trail as many of the sidewalks were icy so we had to run in the streets! On on to 6th Anthrax!!

New 12/23 - Check out this short video clip from the event

 

Hash Trash:  12/9/07
Hares: Calvin Klein & Batteries Not Included
Venue:  Burton Place

VIRGINS:
VISITORS: 
HASHERS: Just Pat, Special Ed Giver, Chicken Stiffer, At Your Cervix, Just Katherine, Just Rob, Frosted Discharge, Cums in my Assfault, Horn-e, Just Steve, Super Stuffer, Its Too Soft, Chippendale, Mount Me Puh’lzee, Lifa, Just Tyrone, Peterbilt, Just Molly, Mouthful of Meat,
VIRGINS= 0
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 21

    CALVIN and BATTRIES laid this hash from a new hash bar south of North Ave. on Wells street and thing went really well.  We had a private room, warm beer, which was switched for cold beer, and good food.  This combination usually makes the hash happy.  Throw in the fact that we had a roaring fireplace and over 20 hashers on a cold wet day than you have a very happy pack.  The trail was set with over 20 pounds of red powder AKA flour which CALVIN carried while Batteries wore her FMB boots to stay warm and lazy to carry the dry wall.  The circle was started after numerous hashers bought the new haberdashery.  This new stuff should be gone by Anthrax so if you want a new shirt show up early at Anthrax to be able to find your size and color.  We have already sold about 33% of the new stuff bought.  I guess we are going to need to find new things to make! 

Back to the circle.    The pack of 20 listened and were told be careful of the ICE but JUST STEVE ran on and quickly fell on his ass.  LIFA and CHIPPENDALE soon had the FRB position and had the pack going south and west and then back east.  JUST KATHERINE was not going to let a little Chicago winter prevent her from wearing shorts, and shorts she wore!!  The pack soon was down near the Water Tower place.   ITS TOO SOFT with his whistler GPS device was ever vigilant as to where he was, and close behind him was CUMS in MY ASSFAULT and MOUTHFUL OF MEAT.  We ran by the TOWERING PHALLIC symbol known as the JOHN has a COCK building but the doorman were seen sweeping up the flour marks left outside by CALVIN, it helped that the hares were sweeping this trail.   LIFA soon was nailed and took the false trail out to the lake, but I saw JUST STEVE cross Michigan ave. on trail so I called for JUST TYRONE and SUPER STUFFER to follow him.  The trail wound back and forth through the tall buildings until it got back to the bar.  

AT YOUR CERVIX, JUST KATHERINE, SPECIAL ED GIVER, and MOUTHFUL were soon warming their buns on the fire, now all the needed was some hot dogs but they turned down  HORN-E.  The pack called for beer and I obliged by ordering four pitchers the only problem is was it tasted like it had sat near the fire for too long so our bartender went down stairs to get the cold stuff.  CHIPPENDALE was hot for food so CALVIN got the circle going quickly in 15 minutes and we brought out our victims for Hash crimes.  FROSTED DISCHARGE, JUST PAT, and JUST ROB were part of the six-pack group wearing their new hash gear proudly so they drank.  If you don’t understand this look at the picture Czar’s shots in the album!  The FRB was LIFA?!?!?  and the whining bitch was ITS TOO SOFT for having to run the trail hung over.  MOUNT ME drank for his new territory the nice area of streeterville, and soon spilled most of his beer on the floor?  BATTERIES drank for her FMB’s and soon pointed out that PETERBILT was wearing Velcro shoes again. 

CALVIN had the circle going for 30 minutes because he needed to practice for the ANTHRAX HASH next weekend.  CHIPPENDALE was so hungry it looked like he was doing the pee pee dance so we closed circle and he ran out for pizza.  After everyone ate we reopened the circle and named JUST STEVE---> JUST EILEEN.  We also named JUST KATHERINE---> TOTALLY BUTCH.  She almost was named B’ROCK out with your COCK OUT but it lost be a small margin?? Premonition anyone?  Hope to see you next weekend some time REMEMBER

DEC. 14= PUB CRAWL 6:30 pm at WRIGHTWOOD TAP
DEC. 15= ANTHRAX HASH 2 pm at HIDDEN SHAMROCK
DEC. 16= HANGOVER HASH 11 am hared by FLUFFER sin city hasher

ALL ARE WELCOME to these events

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

_______

Environmentally-friendly public transportation:
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview - Red Line to Division, hoof it a couple blocks West on Division to Wells and then North on Wells or the Brown Line to Sedgwick and hoof it East on North Ave from Sedgwick to Wells and then South on Wells.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown - Blue Line to Division, take the Division 70 Bus East to Wells, hoof it a couplea blocks North to the bar.

Driving:
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to basically North Ave and Wells. Parking in Old Town sucks worse than warm Icehouse. Best bet is to look South of North Ave and West of Wells as Lincoln Park and the Gold Coast are NOT the places to look for parking on the Near North Side.

It gets alot better the farther West you go (parking-wise, not socioeconomically speaking), especially as you get closer to what remains of the Cabrini Green Public Housing Projects (which I'm sure will be the 'urban shiggy' part of the trail), for obvious reasons.

Tale of the Trail Chicago #1520 @ Janina's : 6th Annual Idiot's Day Joint Hash w/Second City

 
 Hare(s): Specklebird (Idiot's Day Hare for Life)
 Venue: Janina's Gin Mill & Saloon - 3459 N Milwaukee Ave (Milwaukee & Keeler)
  Hash Cash: $5 (One-day holiday doorbuster special - same price as Second City!!)

 

This very aptly-named hash lived up to its billing on so many levels. One example was our GM Chicken Stiffer wheeling Just Molly down the street in an abandoned shopping cart at a very high rate of speed. What part of this does not just simply scream out BAD IDEA. Fortunately for the hash (for liablility reasons) these two Idiot's Day celebrants lived to see another day (perhaps less fortunate for the gene pool tho as natural selection may have been temporarily thwarted). More pix from this hash on the nav bar or pictures section or on Koday EasyShare Gallery.

Hash trash to be posted soon.

______

For those of us who can still move after the Pre-Pre Anthr@x 12 Bars of Christmas the previous night, please join us for a special joint celebration of this Second City Classic - "Idiot's Day" as Second City deigns to appear within Chicago City Limits! Rumours abound that we may also see  the first new Idiots' Day t-shirts in years available for purchase at additional cost. Janina's is one of our favorite hash bars in scenic Avondale.

We did a joint hash w/Second City last year @ Windsor Tavern on 12/3/06 and had such a blast we're doing it again. Second City's schedule conflicts with Chicago seven months out of the year and we still all get along and even have joint hashes with them like this. That's cooperation. Other area hashes who we won't name, you conflict with just one of their "dates" and they will post enough flames on their message boards to heat half of Stalingrad in January.

From Soar Balls of Second City:

"This Sunday, come out to Janina's on Milwaukee and get your hangover hash for Pearl Harbor out of the way before you go to Milwaukee. 
 
Yes, it's time once again (by my calculations, the Xth time) for Idiot's Day.  To ensure a true Idiot's Day, we thought we should have the traditional post-Pearl Harbor Hash a week before Pearl Harbor.  What do you think we are, a bunch of Einsteins who know the difference between pre- and post-?  NO!  We're Zwei-, Drei-, Funf-, und Zwolf-steins who don't plan to stop at one German bier.
 
Once you've got your brain suitably set to Idiot (just keep chanting "Brain, brain, go away, come again some other day"), come out to Janina's (3457 N Milwaukee) at 2:00 PM this Sunday (Dec. 2), and Specklebird will take you on the stupidest tour of the northwest side you ever did see.  Special bonus points if you can't figure out where the beer stop is going to be.
 
To get to Janina's, blindly grope your way to Belmont (3200 N) and Milwaukee (~3900 W), go about 3 blocks northwest on Milwaukee until you get to Keeler.  Then you've gone too far, so look behind you a couple doors on the southwest side of the street, and you've found Janina's.  You'll know it's Janina's by the sign out front that says "Janina's". 
 
Alternatively, take ye olde Blue Line to Addison and go west on Addison to Keeler.  Go south on Keeler to Milwaukee and wander about aimlessly asking strangers where you might find Janina's."

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line 2 Addison, Addison #152 bus West to Keeler, hoof it three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line 2 Addison, schlep four blocks West to Keeler and three blocks South to the bar on Milwaukee or take the Milwaukee #56 bus Northwest to Keeler.

Driving

Hop into your hooptie and cruise 2 the corner of Addison & Keeler, Addison freeway exit from the Kennedy and west to Keeler, South to Milwaukee. Helen Keller could find a parking space in this neighborhood.

Tale of the Trail – Chicago #1519 Post Thanksgiving ADD Hash @ O'Lanagan's

 
 Hare(s): Super Stuffer & Just Steve
 Venue: O'Lanagan's - 2335 W. Montrose Ave. Chicago (Lincoln Square)
  Hash Cash: $6

 
  

Hash Trash: 11/25/07
Run: 1519
Hares: Super Stuffer & Just Steve
Venue: O'Lanagan's - 2335 W. Montrose Ave

Virgins: 3 (or was it 4? – hey, am I a great scribe or what!)

Visitors: 1 (2, if you think CP is a visitor)

Hashers: A bunch of 'em including Canned Pussy, Magnetic Muff, Special Ed Giver, Sir Poops a Lot, Lifa, Virtually Hung, Pack 'er Ass, Just Saud, Happy Ass Grabber, General Ass Pounder, Just Tyrone, Just Melissa, Wall Bang Her, Just Tom, Just John, Just Jennie, Just Steve, Super Stuff `er and probably a few others that aren't written on this torn paper plate I'm reading from.

---

A double-virgin haring? We all cringed at the start, knowing that the result would be at least one of:

1. The on-out being too close to the on-in, causing the pack to skip 90% of the trail.

2. The hares using "cute" trail markings that no one can understand and thus causing the pack to skip 89% of the trail.

3. The marks being so small/infrequent/ hidden/hard- to-see that the pack will give up and miss 88% of the trail.

4. The hares deciding on the theme of "we're going to make this the longest hash run ever" causing everyone but Happy Ass Grabber to take a taxi to the finish.

Or worse yet...

1. The bar wouldn't tolerate our antics.

2. The beer would be shitty/warm/ expensive.

Amazingly none of this happened, and even more amazingly the trail was actually damn good. Super Stuff `er started us off by providing the chalk talk while being chastised by the circle for not being explicit enough for the virgins. We were warned that this was an ADD run, and that if we found ourselves on the trail without chalk marks, we should follow shiny objects instead.

After the usual introductions, we spotted our first shiny object (aluminum foil) on a tree across the street in Welles Park and soon thereafter found the first check. Virtually Hung quickly figured it out and led us north toward Lawrence Ave. We veered west and proceeded to make something like 11 left turns in a row, covering every inch of street, alley and parking lot available. Crossing the river on Wilson, a check mixed up the pack for a few minutes, but 50~60 chalk arrows were finally found on the Lawrence Bridge bringing us to the beer stop at the hare's mother's house. There was a beer cooler and a couple dozen beer bottles on the back deck, along with a woman looking out the window with a "what have you freaks done to my son" look on her face. The pack guzzled nectar in the cold and endured a 1/2 mile run back to the on-in. Well done hares.

The stand-in RA was Virtually Hung, and he dispensed a bunch of well-deserved down-downs of which I have no recollection because I was very busy talking and interrupting the circle. What I do recall is the complete absence of mismanagement members. What could have happened? Did they move the hash to Saturday and not tell anyone? Did the CH3 corporate jet go down while en route to another junket in Indy/Cincy/Big Hump/Madison/ Waukesha? Assuming that the later was most likely the case, a new mismanagement was immediately installed:

Grand Mistress: Cunt & Pasties
Hare Razer: Super Stuff `er
Haberdasher: Sir Poops a Lot
Religious Adviser: Just John
Hash Cash: Bloody Thighs
Web Master: Horn-E
Hash Flash: Wall Bang Her
Hash Scribe: Lifa
Hash Sex Therapist: Magnetic Muff
Hash Human Shield: EZ on the Ass
Hash Belligerence Consultant (emeritus): Boner Malfunction

I believe C & P will be conducting her first mismanagement meeting next Sunday, but it's hard to read the date through the grease mark on this plate.

On-On,
Lifa

______

[Editor's Note: Thanks to the "replacement players" for keeping this week's hash going.

Rumours of a coup have been greatly exaggerated. In fact, the CH3 Mismanagement Dassault Falcon 9x Jet has returned safely from Yangon where the Generals of Myanmar kindly hosted seminars on "How Run A Tighter Ship In You Junta", "Quashing Pesky Democratic Idealism", "How to Knit Nice Tea Cosys For the Holidays From Lightly Used Buddhist Monk Vestments" and "Without Constant Vigilance, Even Your Team Could Be Upset By the Chicago Bears". Expect business as usual next week.]

- Fuji

_______________

The ADD hares promise a trail with lots of distractions for marks including shiny things like tin foil, balloons and bits of paper. Hopefully the hares themselves don't get distracted by something (like a hangover) and forget to lay trail! Ritalin NOT included in hash cash.

Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, Brown Line to Western, hoof it four blocks South on Western Montrose and cut East (left) or shortcut thru Welles Park, or take the Red Line to Wilson and catch the Montrose #78 bus West to Western.

From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Irving Park, Irving Park #80 bus East to Western, hoof it three blocks North to Monrose.

Driving

Hop into your hooptie and cruise to the corner of Western & Montrose and cut East 1/2 block to the bar. Plenty of street parking in the local 'hood.