The Tale of the Trail Chicago Post 1500 Hangover Hash @ Party Central
Hash Trash 7/22/2007
Post 1500 Hangover Hash & bRUNch
by It's Too Soft
Sunday morning found the crew brutally hungover but many still wanting one last hurrah. My living room looked like Jonestown Guyana the day after they drank the Kool Aid, as it was littered with fallen hashers. Yet we were blessed with a third consecutive day of unseasonably awesome weather (thus guaranteeing the RA nearly limitless down-downs) which found a pack of just over 20 runners joined by several latecomers gathered at Party Central for one last go. The pack was almost all visitors as Chicago hashers pretty much said "I'm tired, hungover, generally feel like ass and I LIVE HERE so feck it - I can run around Fuji's place in Lincoln Park anytime, so I'm just gonna SLEEP IN". Fair enough. After they stowed their bags on the third floor deck which by that time was starting to look like baggage claim at O'Hare during Thanksgiving the pack gathered in alley between Diversey & Wolfram.
Chalk talk was led by GM Chicken Stiffer while Sin City's own Fluffer hurridly set trail thru unfamiliar territory with strict instructions NOT to exceed one statute mile (5,280 ft). I did not actually run his trail as once the pack left I hopped into my other car (the Interceptor smelled like a dead brewery after being used for two beer stops @1500) for a quick food run down to Dominick's as the pack would be expecting chow when they got back, and way some of these harriers run, we're talking ten minutes or less, hangover or not. RUN!!!
Anyhoo, Indy's C No Panty Ho graciously stayed back to help grab the grub and when we got back we were joined by Assfault (who fired up the Skydeck's brand new (virgin) BBQ grille and cooked the bacon - first time I've seen that done but if you think about it it does seem to make sense) and Moan On who prepared a feast for the starving pack down belowdeck for when they returned.
As we were unloading, back saunters in our hare saying "I think these guys are going to kill me as I think the trail was well over TWO miles". Near as I can tell from marks I've seen in the hood since then the trail did a big clockwise loop first South and then West around Party Central as the hare returned from the North. Great - hungover, starving, and now pissed hashers were about to stream back to my house en masse... just can't wait for that!
When they arrived, we cleverly stalled them with beer and bagels on the Skydeck where keg #2 from 1500 the previous day finally gave up the ghost. Fortunately I had passed on Chicked Stiffer's instructions and gotten a THIRD KEG just in case. Hindsight being 20/20 that turned out to be a very good call. Calvin Klein showed us he still had it with yet another excellent circle in which people were called out for everything imaginable. Soon food was brought up to the Skydeck and the circle was paused as the pack pounced on BREAKFAST. Peeps hung out after that, some more Chicago locals filtered in (I think for the food) and circle was reconvened for yet another round of down downs and continued as folks slowly started to filter out for their buses, trains, flights, etc. Next thing you know keg #3 was floating but for some miraculous reason continued to spout forth pitcher after pitcher of glorious beer like some kind of Hash Hannukah miracle. Eventually the laws of Fluid Mechanics set in and some quick thinking hashers went to the corner liquor store for a couple more cases where we finished off the day with Chicken Stiffer escorting the late bus people (I believe it was Indy - after three days of balls out drinking I'm not 100% sure!) to Union Station. The keg hoist performed its final duties of the weekend admirably bringing back down the empty barrels prior to being stowed until my next party.
Fortunately, due to a surge in late registrations for 1500 itself we had enough money from the event to cover the cost of hangover so we waived our announced $9 hash cash for trail & breakfast and made this a FREE HASH which was an unexpected bonus for the visitors and lost opportunity for those who slept in and skipped the Hangover trail... literally, you snooze you looze (booze). But from those who made it out for the events it seems like folks had a great time overall so we will do something like this again (maybe use someone else's car for the beer stops next time tho as the cop car now reeks like Alpine Valley after a Jimmy Buffett concert!). Thanks to all our visitors - see all y'all next time and mad props to all the locals whose efforts helped us pull this one off and not to mention the RA's for the unbelievable weather- sometimes it's better to be lucky than good!!!
Party on on,
It's Too Soft
Proprietor, Party Central Chicago
and someone who really needs to clean out the back of his car
1500 Lost Property
All this stuff was found at Party Central after 1500 and the Hangover Hash! Most likely Indyscent stuff as they comprised most of the crashers there. From lower left going clockwise:
- Size 68DDD bikini bra found Sunday morning hoisted atop the flagpole, overlooking the L which was alleged in the circle to DMB's but still pending the results of
forensic DNA testing- Size Large Big Hump "Perfect Storm Tour 2006" black t-shirt (Cliff Bangher?)
- Black nylon shell camping mattress (this one is way better than the one I have so if it isn't claimed it's going into the Permanent Collection);
- Pair of designer-imitation shades (no labeling whatsoever present so if you paid more than five bucks for these you got had)
- Pair of Asics size 10 running shoes (how did this person run the hangover trail??)
- LG cell phone charger which I believe is C No's
- [not shown] is what I believe to be Return to Gender (Madison HHH) pillow and green pillowcase
The Tuesday, July 24 Financial Times of London is shown behind these items to prove they are still alive and well. Now people please claim your crap which is cluttering up Party Central. You people are killing me!!
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1500 Weekend and 1500 @ Weed's – THE MAIN EVENT!!!
1500 TALE OF THE TRAIL 7/21/07
Hares: VIRTUALLY HUNG, MILK MY YAK, CALVIN KLEIN
Virgins: JUST STEVE, JUST ALLAN, JUST CORINNE, JUST GALAT, JUST LENA, JUST TOM
Hashers: MOUTHSUL OF MEAT, CANNED PUSSY, SPOTTED COCK, SALTED GASH, PACKhER ARSE, CHICKEN STIFFER, MR. ED, MRS. ED, FLUFFER, ELVIS, ITS TOO SOFT, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, LIFA, TASTE LIKE SHIT, VIRGIB BANGER, RENT A VIRGIN, ROTTEN WHORE, FINGER PICKIN GOOD, DO YOU FEEL PETER?, MAGNETIC MUFF, SIR POOPS A LOT, SPECIAL ED GIVER, 69-CENT MAN, BALLSALOTPUS, SERVING SEAMEN, SOGGY SPARKS, UNALICKER, REAR ADMIRAL, REAR END ID, PUKE SUIT RIOT, SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO, HOT LIPS, POOPER SCOOPER, FOLLOW THE URINE TRAIL, BONER MALFUNCTION, SEX LUTHOR, DAVEY CROCHET, HAND SOLO, LOCK NUT MONSTER, POSTAGE TRAMP, PMS, CLIFF BANGHER, DO MY BUTT, SEXORCIST, LAZY ASS, MOAN ON TRAIL, NURSE HASHSHIT, IM LATE AGAIN, BANK OF SPERMAMERICA, JUST CARRIE, JUST CHRIS, RETURN TO GENDER, THE MESS(IAH), JUST CONNIE, TWO PUMP CHUMP, MOUNT SCHWIIINGA, , JUST EUGENE, JUST JOHN, C NO PANTY HO, JUST ERIN, PLOT MY G SPOT, JUST ANGELLE, GAGGING ME SOFTLY, QUARTER BARREL, JUST DOUG, WHIP IT OUT, JUST PATTY, JUST FAITH, HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT, TOO MUCH HEAD, NO PENATRATION, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, FUCKO THE CLOWN, JUST NOAH, WAUKESHA NOAH, CORNBALLER, MONSTERBATOR, JUST JIM, PITA, MAN A WHORE, ORGIE O'QUEF, CUMS ON THE CEILING, WHACK ON WHACK OFF, NAPPY HEADED HO, MUDSUCKER, ODOR EATER, JUST YOUNG, VIRGIN PIMP, COFFEE TEA OR ME, MOUNT ME PUH'LZEE, DICKEN CIDER, BRINGING UP THE REAR (BUTR)
The planning for this hash began many days and months ago the first real talk began last November where a date was voted on by the Chicago Hash and July 21, 2007 won overwhelmingly by those present at the mismanagement meeting. A 1500 committee was formed which included VIRTUALLY HUNG, MILK MY YAK, ITS TOO SOFT, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, and I. Over the next several months we meet on occasion but planning began in earnest after the 1469/Anthrax Hash in December. The major concerns would be where we would have the event and where and who would set trail. Each of us took an area of the city to scout for possible venues and trails. We came back together in February and found it was difficult to find a venue that could accommodate 100+ hashers. I don't know who suggested WEED's but the problem was running from there would not be very memorable. ITS TOO SOFT came up with the idea of the buses and a hash was born. The concept was simple bus people to Buckingham Fountain and then run them back through the scenic downtown of Chicago!!! One of the best trails of the year!! Now the only thing that could mess with the plans was oppressive heat or rain!!
I arrived at 1:30 pm at the venue with BONER helping me carry in several boxes of goodies and all of my bags. I promptly got out my bike cable and lock and secured our CH3 gas can hashshit award, PMS green cup, our DOWN-DOWN Pipe, the BIG HUMP Trophy, and our prisoner Wylie from SIN CITY to the nearest and sturdiest post I could find so I would have peace of mind that none of our crap would be stolen. DMB showed up later and asked to lock up her large beer stein to the pole as well but this was done under strict supervision of BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED so nothing would be taken. Hashers began to arrive from the four corners of the country and checked in.
Meanwhile back at party-central FUJI was busy using his new toy the KEG ELEVATOR to get the keg on his roof deck. Folks this contraption is something you have got to see, no more lugging kegs up four flights of stairs to the roof deck of party central. The INDYSCENT hashers were impressed. When we finished counting those that signed up we had 103 people with 2 no shows, which makes sense since I have 3 tags left and made 104. The official count for this hash stands at 101 hashers present and accounted for!! Nice job Committee and those others that helped out. I was collecting rego's and checking people when our friend from Little Rock, FINGER PICKIN GOOD, showed up and bought me an old style which was mighty tasty. MOUTHFUL and BATTERIES were passing out t-shirts and bags just as fast as they could. BANK OF SPERMAMRICA and JUST LAUREN went around passing out tags for hasher's lanyards.
The official time listed for people to be at the hash was 2:30 pm but I have learned you need to give hashers an extra 15 minutes. The buses were scheduled to show up at 2:45 pm but even then BALLSALOTPUS almost missed the bus!! 101 hashers climbed on to two school buses and we even managed to get LAZY ASS on wheelchair and all. Some were crammed three to a seat and I managed to sit with SOGGY SPARKS, and SERVING SEAMEN. The route took us down North Avenue and ! to Lake Shore drive passing sites like the North Ave. beach and Castaways. MOAN ON TRAIL was awed with all the boats off Oak street beach!! and then we made Grant Park.
The hashers got off the buses, which were piloted by GEORGE and his wingman JOSE. An obligatory picture was taken at the Buckingham Fountain and I believe I heard UNALICKER say, "that thing is in Married With Children." The weather couldn't have been any better 80-degrees and low humidity CALVIN, the RA, knew he was a dead man. BONER was off chasing PLOT MY G SPOT somewhere when the hares called for a circle and chalk talk!! As someone else has already noted the hash began to draw a lot of attention to itself and the business cards VIRGIN BANG has given us came in handy for those interested parties. We even seemed to manage upsetting a few wedding parties taking pictures. The Circle ended and we even managed to allow everyone to say-scream his or her name with the help of the Mega Phone. The hash took off and HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT and LIFA lead us north through Grant Park.
We soon passed the Petrillo Band shell and the familiar sight of the movie screen for movies in the park on Tuesday nights. The hares really out did themselves by using many of the great Chicago Landmarks to run by. We crossed over Monroe Street with DO YOU FEEL PETER? and others out in front. Next we crossed the winding BP Bridge over Columbus that dumped into Millennium Park by the Pritsker Pavilion. SEX LUTHOR found trail going west and the pack was running again but we were soon stopped at the busy intersection of Michigan Avenue. HOT LIPS took her life into her own hands and crossed against moving traffic and you know what she made it!!! The trail kept going west and ran by State Street and Daley Plaza.
The trail finally crossed the river and the first beer stop was found at VIRGIN BANGERS businesses loading dock with the FUJI-mobile, lights flashing and horn blaring distributing beer from the back end of the car. We waited for the back of the! pack to show THE MESS, MOAN ON TRAIL, LAZY ASS, SEXORCIST and others along with the sweeping hare MILK MY YAK made it. We didn't wait alone because we had two beautiful kegs to keep us company. Numerous pictures were taken please take the time to visit www.chicaghash. com to see the first beer stop.
The pack had a choice next, the Turkey or Eagle trail. The eagle was 7 miles total while the turkey was just over 4 miles to home. The trail wound around the industrial area of Chicago and Halsted and many by this time were walking tired from 24 hours of constant drinking. The Ed's pressed on and I was running with CP and GAGGING ME SOFTLY. Quickly we were over Division and wound our way over to the train bridge over the Chicago River near North Avenue. JUST ALLAN and JUST STEVE peed in the bushes while there stood not ten feet away and porta potty?? I guess they like the nature thing? I bet we could have had the 1500 party right there on the river and no one would have stopped us? It was getting close to 6 pm and we made it back to Weed's. The pack carefully crossed over the rickety bridge and ran walked or crawled to the bar.
The Kegs were tapped and beer flowed freely from the steel containers. The circle commenced and CALVIN took over his duties. He called in all the visiting hashes one kennel at a time and the BIG-HUMPERS won back their trophy. PMS was brought in for lost property and got back her green mug from GREEN DRESS too bad I now have her shirt she was wearing from Sunday's hash. The highlight of the evening was the prisoner exchange between FLUFFER and BALLSALOTPUS. FLUFFER had stolen the dragonhead from our Chinese new years hash and Chicago had their WYLIE or DFL award. A down-down was completed and the prisoners were exchanged. Somewhere around this time BATTERIES knocked over the first of many pitchers of beer that lay on the ground. CALVIN was soon to repeat this clumsy feat as well. PUKE SUIT RIOT as his name states upchucked in the garden killing all the plants in a 5 ft sq. area YUCK!!
The Chicago Pipe or Sleeve was presented to CALVIN for the picture perfect weather and he did us all proud by pouring the beer directly on in his mouth, face chest, etc!! HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT gave CALVIN and I socks that he wore all day someplace?? Will washing them do any good? The Vegas hashers treated CALVIN to their version of Old McDonald had a farm as well. We said hello to our virgins, JUST STEVE, JUST ALLAN, JUST CORINNE, JUST GALAT, JUST LENA, and JUST TOM. I believe JUST STEVE also said hello to the porcelain God at least two times that night. Calvin soon had the circle closed and ROTTEN WHORE and LIFA served the food. Everyone enjoyed the Brown's Chicken and pasta but we need to come up with a new catering idea for future events. Maybe we can order Polish food from the Red Apple?? What do you think 69-CENT MAN?
The hash partied into the night and the Beer bong came out. I believe I saw LOCK NUT MONSTER and several others in a beer bong competition. Flippy Cups also made a showing at this hash with PUKE SUIT and SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO leading the charge in this game. I myself could be seen smoking a celebratory cigar for a hash well done. The circle was reopened after dinner and many hashers had changed their clothes in fact some were wearing other hashers clothes?? Who knows there are several alleys and dark places around WEEDS that a hasher could get a quickie in!! The night went on and on and on and the bar let us drink until 11 pm instead of the agreed to 10 pm and when we got there several hashers took off for the on after party at party central. We drank on the deck until at least 4 am because that is the time FINGER PICKING GOOD took off for O'Hare with BALLSALOTPUS giving him a lift to the airport. Pictures from this time confirm that DAVEY CROCHET was giving dance lessons to PACKhER ARSE; I think she might have learned some new stripper moves? Slowly like a car running out of gas the hash came to an end with bodies strewn everywhere at Party Central. The next thing I can remember is hearing UNALICKER walking by my place at 10 am that morning and me thinking I had to get up and set trail. THANK GOD for FLUFFER who did that for us the next day.
Special thanks go out to JUST CARRIE and JUST LAUREN for making and stuffing the bags. ODOR EATER made the music for us at WEEDS. BONER for helping me carry all the shit to the bar, ROTTEN WHORE and LIFA for taking charge of the food service, BATTERIES for selling all the haberdashery, The hares VIRTUALLY HUNG, CALVIN KLEIN, and MILK MY YAK for scouting trail and laying one of the best trails to date in Chicago. Finally I have to thank the 1500 committee MILK, VIRTUALLY, ITS (who is still hosing all the beer stop beer out of the cop car), and MOUTHFUL for the time and effort in putting together this memorable hash.
CHICKEN STIFFER
da CH3-GM
The Tale of the non-Trail Chicago 1500 Pre-Lube Pub Crawl for the CPD Memorial Foundation
Trash 7/20/2007
Chicago Hash House Harriers Sheffield Garden Crawl for the CPD Memorial Fund!!
by CHICKEN STIFFER
The weekend started with the dawning of a beautiful day on Friday, and in fact this would be true of every single day this weekend. When do you get four days of 80-degree weather in Chicago during July with low humidity? BONER was dropped off by PRINCESS LABIA at old party central and BONER and I went down to the Mega Bus stop to meet our visitors from Big-Hump and Sin City. Maybe it was a foreshadowing of how well things would run the next two days but when I called each bus at 3 pm UNALICKER and PLOT MY G SPOT both said, "I can see the Sears Tower!!", now that is not much information because anyone can see the tower from 50 miles away? It turns out that the Big-Hump bus got in late but the Sin City bus was on time each bus arriving within minutes of each other. We shook hands with SOGGY SPARKS, UNA, FLUFFER, DO YOU FEEL PETER? , LOCK NUT MONSTER, PLOT MY G SPOT, TLS, ELVIS, SERVING SEAMAN, and a few others. We conducted our friends to the Quincy/Wells stop and got them on the brown line. The trip took ½ hour and we were at Fullerton and ½ mile away from the Arlington House. BONER and I got most of these visitors their giveaways and told them to get a sandwich at the Bourgeois Pig for dinner.
The day went by fast and we were closing in on the 6 pm, start time of the Sheffield Garden Crawl. I got there and many of our visitors were already drinking and having a good time at Kelly's. They were surprised that the el ran so close to them and every minute or so conversation had to stop in the beer garden to allow a train to pass. Kevin Kelly was there. He is a Chicago Cop and the son of the owner so he allowed the drink specials to commence. $6 pitchers of beer began to flow and more and more people began to show up. Before we left for McGee's ITS TOO SOFT arrived along with JUST CARRIE, JUST CHRIS, QUARTER BARREL, and ELVIS. McGee's was packed with the usual DePaul crowd and more people began to arrive. POOPER SCOOPER and the ED's had arrived from the fine kennel in Minneapolis. FLUFFER was in fine form hitting on all he young co-eds. Can you say sensory overload!! BONER MALFUNCTION was ripping thru his rum and cokes faster then the Captain could make his well-known Pose!! The Crawl left McGee's and went to Slainte, we were selling more wrist bands and we saw HOOTERS and TWO TIKS join the crawl with JUST JIM. SEX LUTHOR and DAVEY CROCHET were bringing up the rear of the pack.
Things from here on out became more and more fuzzy. I began to change from CHICKEN STIFFER to FRIED CHICKEN, but we made it to Halligan where Rhonda and BALLSALOTAPUS our contacts from the CPD Memorial Fund showed up selling t-shirts and hats to interested buyers. The crawl rolled on down Lincoln and took over the Clarke Bar. Someone here bought me a thank you drink I believe it was HUNKA HUNKA BURNING SHIT along with his entourage JUST TOM and FUCKO THE CLOWN? SERVING SEAMEN was ready to spew from the deck of the ship but she did make it out of the bar at least and home safely.
The night got darker and some crawler was wearing a flashing belt buckle that said "FREE SPANKINGS", which were administered frequently. The crawl was waiting in anticipation of our friends from INDY and the crew from BIG-HUMP along with DMB who missed the early bus on account of her hair appointment she just couldn't miss!! The Gin Mill was next and TOO MUCH HEAD showed up with friends. TOO MUCH HEAD looked like a different person this night with done up hair and a pretty smile. This is true about most of the hash though, when you get us out of our sweaty running clothes, "We clean up well!! The crawl marched on and rolled through the last bars. The arrival of CLIFF BANGHER, LAZY ASS, SEXORCIST, PMS, POSTAGE, MOAN ON TRAIL, C NO, THE MESS, NURSE HASHCHET?, GAGGING ME SOFTLY,TWO PUMP, ORGIE O'QUEF, etc. gave us at least 50+ hashers in the crawl to go along with the 150+ pup crawlers already.
The hash ended up at the Union at 11:30 pm and proceeded to drink and dance the night away. Memorable moments at this bar included MOAN ON TRAIL with legs wrapped around some unknown guy get spun around the dance floor.
The crawl was a great success and I believe we rose well over $600+ dollars for the CPD MEMORIAL FUND!!! Stay tuned for a free night at a local pub so we can present Rhonda with the money raised for charity from the Chicago Hash House Harriers. I was ready to call it a night by 1 am and went home but not before taking PMS, POSTAGE TRAMP, and DMB to La Bamba for the burritos as big as their cranium. POSTAGE ATE two!! I believe we should have included that as the 11th stop on the crawl as most people needed food by 1 am. Rumors abound that the BIG HUMPERS played pool to the wee hours of the morning and that a large group of hashers were seen drinking on the ITS TOO SOFT's roof deck until the sun came up. All I know is that BONER got back to my place around 10 am the next day with a full rum and coke mumbling, "I am so Fucked up!!!"
Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1499 @ Rockwell & Iowa
Hash Trash: 7/16/07
Hare: Spotted Cock & Earnest Cummingway
Venue- Rockwell & Iowa Tavern corner with HAMM'S beer sign
VIRGINS: Just Asni, Just Olga
HASHERS: Scabby Ass Rising, Just Mark, Just Pete, Virtually Hung, Sex Luthor, Canned Pussy, Milk My Yak, Mount Schwiiinga, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, Chicken Stiffer, Just John, Just Jenn, Virgin Banger, KGB, Learning to Blow, Salted Gash, Mud Sucker, Princess Labia, Rhotan, Boner, Horn-e, Just Mark, Cums in My Assfault, Paulie Ringbald, Just Kier, Just Melissa, Single Wide Mobile Ho, Puke Suit Riot, Its Too Soft, Peterbilt, Mr. Cheesecake, Asspocket, Just Jim, Lower Whackoff, Smell This, Mouthful of Meat, Cums Analually, No Penatration
Virgins= 2
Total Hashers= 45
This hash started from some undisclosed named family bar on the corner of Rockwell and Iowa. The location and weather forecast lead me to believe that we might have another 20 person hash like last week, but NO!!! 45 hashers showed up to greet SPOTTED COCK and wish him happy birthday at this hash. It was interesting to see SPOTTED carry around grass all night but did he smoke it??
This is becoming a weekly thing the GM gets to the hash at 7 pm and he is soundly beaten into the bar by 8 hashers who are all ready there drinking beer and having fun!!! This weeks over achievers were JUST MARK, JUST PETE, MILK MY YAK, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SEX LUTHOR, C.P., and MOUNT SCHWIINGA. Don't you people have homes!! I meet our new virgin JUST OLGA on the bus ride over she would step on my feet and my bag would hit her in the arse and it wasn't even a crowded bus?!?!? The bar was soon crowded by hashers and JUST MELISSA, ASSFAULT, and C.P. were hot after the haberdashery. I think we sold $50 that night. BLOODY THIGHS took over her old role as hash cash and whipped some people into paying glad to see no bears ate you on your trip to Glacier National Park!! The time got to be 7:30 pm and the hash chalk talk was conducted by SPOTTED and ERNEST CUMMINGWAY. They explained the marks to JUST OLGA and JUST ASNI our virgins and the pack was off.
The front of the pack had MR. CHEESCAKE, JUST MARK, and RHOTAN at the front and SEX LUTHOR was doing a great job carrying the flag that was taller than him.
The trail eventually wound thru Ukrainian Village and cut across Division by Clemente High School.
JUST JOHN and JUST JENN again were near the front of the pack looking for marks and checking trail. It was soon after here that VIRTUALLY HUNG took the lead and led the pack into the beer stop at Casa de ERNEST? Here ASSPOCKET meet us and ITS TOO SOFT started to snap numerous pictures of this lovely group. We stayed at the beer stop for a long time until the beer gave out and this caused SEX LUTHOR to leave early but I know he had fun anyways. PUKE SUIT RIOT was constantly looking for his beloved, SINGLE WIDE, who seemed to be a bit lost on trail? MILK MY YAK at the beer stop noticed that the electrical wires were very close to the roof deck, in fact in a drunken stupor you could reach out and touch them. Can you say this is a shocking development!!!! It was interesting while searching for trail to the beer stop I did meet up with VIRGIN BANGER and SMELL THIS who seemed uninterested in the trail and ran right to the beer stop?
Can we say someone knew the hare's lair!!! The beer was gone and we hoofed it back to the bar where the hash enjoyed Hamm's and Schlitz and ???
VIRTUALLY ran the circle and we called those damn hares out and drank. SPOTTED got the pipe for his birthday down- down and we sang to our new virgin JUST OLGA. The Chinese fire drill was lead by RHOTAN and BONER, and I think EZ gotcaught up on some of his reading during the circle. JUST KIER and JUST MELISSA were happy to be back with us after their virgin trail last week. SALTED GASH and JUST LAUREN volunteered to help with the 1500 by working with some of the haberdashery this week, and we even convinced a few more hashers to go to 1500 this weekend. PETERBILT again shared his roasted nuts with the whole hash and I heard someone say that they needed SALT!! PRINCESS LABIA announced the Pink Dress run on Sept. 27, this will be a hash to benefit Breast Cancer Research.
Well it's a busy weekend we have cumming up so I hope to see you at one, two, or maybe all of the events we have planed!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1498 @ Piano Man
Hash Trash: 7/9/07
Hare: Calvin Klein - Live hare
Venue- Piano bar $5 pitchers
Virgins- Just Melissa, Just Kier
Visitor- Full Term- OXFORD H3
Hashers- KGB, Just Chris (FBI), Just Karen, Rhotan, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Mr. Cheesecake, Sex Luthor, Smell This, Just Heather, Just Pitt, Just Jim, Dickens Cider, Just Chris, Chicken Stiffer, Just Debra, Its Too Soft
Total=21 hashers
The hash Started very ominous with thunder and lightening but that gave way by 7 pm and those of you too scared to come out and play missed great running weather. Twenty-one brave souls stared from the Piano bar at 3800 N. Clark after we gave the live hare CALVIN KLEIN a ten-minute head start. We did chalk talk for our two virgins and then we were off!! JUST MELISSA right off was giving crap to SMELL THIS in his banana running suit attire. SMELL THIS that would look good in SEX LUTHOR banana colored SUV?? The trail ran by Wrigley again and was taken north, DICKENS CIDER found true trail north and came to a check on Irving Park Road. The trail was found by JUST JIM going north still under the El tracks. MR. CHEESECAKE and I found true trail leading to Truman College. The check here went back west and JUST CHRIS and I tried to parallel trail for a bit but the trail kept going west so we ran back to the pack. JUST KIER and JUST MELISSA seemed to be having a blast on this trail and in true hash form kept asking how much further till we drink beer? FULL TERM seemed pleased that hashers were sweeping for him because he seemed to be laboring out there on this humid day.
The hash is also happy to report that we did not scare away our last week virgins. JUST KAREN, JUST CHRIS, JUST PITT (our resident German), and JUST HEATHER decided that this hashing thing was for them. CALVIN KLEIN lead the trail back to some bar for a beer stop but the damn thing was closed oops, but that is the way the hash goes sometimes you just have to make alternate plans. We got back to the bar and proceeded to drink them out of $5 pitchers of Miller Lite and the bartender began to serve us Heineken and that went out as well so she gave us Moretti oh damn twist my arm I hate premium beer!! CALVIN ran the circle but the funniest moment came when JUST MELISSA a hash virgin shut up RHOTAN with a classic cut down he couldn't respond to! The doctors drank so MR. CHEESECAKE, JUST KAREN, FULL TERM, and KGB had to put down their beepers for a minute and do a down-down. HORN-E drank for being himself. The circle ended and we had to bring JUST DEBRA into the circle for her naming. Twice during the night she made some momentous statements the first was during her beer pouring for JUST CHRIS. Our Little Debra said, "I don't want to give you Too much Head". The second time she was trying on a t-shirt and said, "Can you help me get this off?" The circle reconvened and came up with CLITTY LITTER, CUM DUMPSTER, TOO MUCH HEAD, HELP ME GET THIS OFF, HELP ME GET OFF!, SHE'S ASKING FOR IT as possible names. JUST DEBRA came back to the circle and will now be known as TOO MUCH HEAD, congratulations little Debbie. The circle broke up and JUST PITT and JUST HEATHER bought new haberdashery. JUST PITT seemed to appreciate the tight fit of the women's t-shirts on JUST HEATHER. Next week is the birthday hash for Spotted Cock and then we flow into the 1500 weekend with a TH3 hash, Pub Crawl and then main event.
CHICKEN STIFFER-CH3 GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1497 @ Murphy's Bleachers
Hash Trash: 7/2/07
Hares: Just Chris, Just Carrie, and Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Murphy's Bleacher Bar
VIRGINS: Just Heather, Just Pitt, Just Chris, Just Chuck, Just Jenn, Jus Katie,
Just Karen
HASHERS: Corn on the Cock, Just Kris, Packher Arse, A Salted Gash, Sex Luthor, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Assman, Princess Labia, Stump Humper, Virgin Banger, Bloody Thighs, Virtually Hung, Just Collen, Just Jenn, Just John, Ernest Cummingway, Asspocket, Just Kris, Just Leslie, Jus John, Magnetic Muff, Smell This, Hot Pants, Peterbilt, Cunt and Pasties, Its too Soft, Spotted Cock, Smelly Concha, Horn-e, Mount Schwinga, Bank of Spermerica, Hookah Hookah Burning Love, Mouthful of Meat, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included.
Virgins= 7
Total Hashers= 45
This was another nice turnout for the Chicago Hash. We had 45 people show up and be counted for JUST CHRIS and JUST CARRIE's virgin hare trail. The hash was billed as one you do not want to miss because of a very cool beer stop. I got back with my co-hares at 6:50 pm and again there were already 10 hashers waiting in anticipation of this fine trail. I took my seat and began collecting money from hashers like EZ on the ASS, PRINCESS LABIA, BLOODY THIGHS, SEX LUTHOR, and CP. I must say thank you for all of you who come up and pay me without having to ask for your money. Collecting hash cash is a thankless job for whomever does it and you people make it easy for me because I rarely have to ask anyone for his or her money. Many Hashers saw that Wrigley was under construction for the upcoming Police concert this weekend and JUST CHRIS even said wouldn't it be cool to have circle in the Outfield since he doors were open? Nice try but security I think would have had an issue with that. The hash began at 7:35 and 30 seconds and I was happy to see CALVIN and BATTERIES show up right at the start. Thi meant I would have someone to run circle for this large group. The chalk talk commenced and we used all the standard marks for this hash because we had virgin hares that needed to learn the marks for trail. The pack was off going west down Waveland and stopped traffic at Clark. HORN-E I believe found the first mark after the split. Wankers like VIRTUALLY HUNG and SMELLY CONCHA were already far behind. The back of the pack included JUST KELLY, PACKERHER ARSE, CP, JUST CHUCK, and JUST JENN. I was sweeping so I barely saw anyone and gave these people a Short cut to the Beer stop at JUST CHRIS'S place. Hashers like HOOKAH HOOKAH BURNING LOVE, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SEX LUTHOR, and JUST JOHN took the eagle trail. Other hashers like MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, BLOODY THIGHS, and STUMP HUMPER took the turkey (chicken?) trail.
The Beer stop was at 3100 North Lake Shore Drive and was on the 21st floor of the building overlooking he lake. We have early confirmation that many people perceived this to be in the running for the best beer stop of the year!! We were up there for 10 minutes when JUST CARRIE arrived with the back of the pack and BATTERIES, SPOTTED COCK, ERNEST CUMMINGWAY, and others got to partake of beer and of the awesome view. See the pictures located at http://www.chicagohash.com/ to get my meaning. The hash after 20 minutes went back to the bar but not before PACKHER ARSE played with some knob like boobs on the way down the elevator. SMELLY CONCHA being the racist he is took the stairs all the way down!!! The trail went through boys town on the way back and the streets were packed with people on this beautiful night. BANK OF SPERMAMERICA almost became road kill crossing Broadway and heading west. We got back to the bar and were greeted by some non-runners, SMELL THIS, PETERBILT, HOT PANTS, CUNT AND PASTIES, and ITS TOO SOFT we are still glad to have you show even though you do not run. Our Bartender Katie poured us numerous pitchers of beer and CALVIN began the traditional circle. Punishment was handed out to the hares but I think the circle loved the beer stop!! So we were not hurt to badly.
STUMP HUMPER, VIRGIN BANGER, SPOTTED COCK, and HOOKAH were nailed for being reboots. We also welcomed our virgins: JUST HEATHER, JUST PITT, JUST CHRIS, JUST CHUCK, JUST JENN, JUS KATIE, JUST KAREN to the hash and judging by the comments it sounds like many are going to return next week. We also were happy to see the previous weeks virgins JUST JOHN, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST COLLEN come back and hash again for free!! Remember folks your 2nd hash is free at the CH3. We also meet Just Kris and CORN on the COCK who were visiting from DC. CALVIN soon closed the circle and many went on their way. If you did stay you got to see JUST KELLY named. Due to a comment on trail about a gash she had on her foot and it hurting because of the sweat, she has been named A SALTED
GASH!! See you all next week you wanks!!
Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you
wankers!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1496 @ Side Street Saloon
Hares: Virtually Hung & Mt. Scwiiinga
Venue: Side Street Saloon - 1456 W. George St.
This was the Virgin haring of MOUNT SCHWINGA and she was accompanied by VIRTUAL HUNG a veteran hare on this trail. We started off from a new venue the Side Street Café at 1456 N. George. Before I even arrived there were seven hashers there, and I arrived at 6:50 pm so this was a good sign. I was greeted tonight by CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCULDED, BLOODY THIGHS, DICK IN SIDE HER, a virgin JUST COLLEEN, PACKER ARSE, and JUST CARRIE. This early turnout for told of another large turnout for this hash, and we had 40 hashers this night. The hash was graced with some more new blood that is swearing they will come back next week. JUST ANDY, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST FOCHLEE showed up and added their names to the hash community. MILK MY YAK was kind enough to let us use his car as a bag wagon and OCCUPIED, CALVIN and I put our bags in his car and soon we were in our chalk talk. We brought our virgins out so they could see the marks, but hashers like RHOTAN and MUDSUCKER tried to have their own side conversations, which they were punished, later in Circle by our RA CALVIN.
VIRTUALLY HUNG gave the chalk talk but while doing so a few more hashers walked up like CP, JUST JIM, and BIG HEAD LITTLE BALLS. The pack of 30-plus was soon away and the Hash was off wandering the streets of Lakeview. The trail tonight went in a northwestern direction and our FRB for a little time was JUST ANDY. RHOTAN and DICKIN SIDER were also seen near the front, those Second City racists. MY LITTLE PONY caught up to me outside Hamlin Park and I laughed that JUST BESSIE was in front of him, but that was my MISTAKE because it was another blond Bimbo, FLYING HOOTERS, in the distance leading the way. MILK MY YAK was running along 8 days after his Appendectomy, YIKES!! He was even drinking beer, which shows how good our modern medicine really is. JUST KRIS and LESLIE look like they have been hashing for years and swear they are back next week. We passed the ballpark and soon you would could here the Horn of E behind us on trail again. You really have to give to a guy that still hashes at age 60+. The trail went across Western Ave. and went behind Lane Tech HS, which was where the beer stop was supposed to be, but due to some confusion the front of the pack seemed to miss it. The pack meet up with BONER MALFUNCTION and SMELL THIS who were auto hashing today which they know is a big NO NO or DOWN DOWN. The pack got to Belmont and Western and went down Clybourn to find true trail. I was now with JUST ANDY AND JUST KRIS who were doing an excellent job checking trail for a tired GM. The pack made it back to the bar and had to wait a little while for the back of the pack, which caught the beer stop. I heard BLOODY THIGHS, CP, JUST BRENDA, JUST KELLY enjoyed some cold beer while many went without, C'est La Vie. (A Good rule of thumb if you see a BN and go more than a ¼ mile there is a good chance you MISSED the beer stop so run back!!) Calvin got the circle going and proceeded to punish the aforementioned MUDSUCKER and RHOTAN for their cackling like old women during chalk talk. The Hash said hello to our newest members JUST FOCHLEE, JUST ANDY, JUST LESLIE, JUST COLLEEN, and JUST KRIS, remember that your second hash is free. The hares of MOUTN SCHWINGA and VIRTUALLY HUNG were doing down downs all night for the beer stop mistake but that is they way the hash rolls. PACKER ARSE and JUST KELLY got their lanyards and whistles for sticking with the hash for so long, nice job ladies we haven't scared you of yet? MUDSUCKER was made to wear the SIN CITY DFL award for being duh the DFL!! We welcomed back TWO TICKETS to the hash after she has been gone with a broken collarbone. She probably got it while running a tough woods trail. CP we hear is moving to somewhere new? And MAGNETIC MUFF assures me she is paying for her 1500 hash rego soon. How can we forget the man
in the middle ITS TOO SOFT who kept snapping pictures of this event all night long. This way we can be assured that we have now sighted JUST DEBRA for a third time at a CH3 event. Much thanks goes out to BATTERIES NOT INCLDED, SCHWINGA and JUST CARRIE who helped all night long keep the hash in beer. WE can also thank CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT for helping to pour out said beer to mighty thirsty hashers. If I forgot to mention someone or failed to see you I apologize there were over 40 people present and again it seemed like we are getting a greet mix of new young hashers with our older crowd.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1495 @ Rabbit's
Hares: Rearloader & Horn-E
Venue: Rabbits Foster & Elston
VIRGINS: Just John
HASHERS: Lord Farque (Singapore Hash), Brother Love (San Juan), Pack her Arse, Just Kelly, Occupied, Chicken Stiffer, My Little Pony, Just Bessie, Sex Luthor, Happy Ass Grabber, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Just Jenn, Magnetic Muff, Just Lori, Just Joe, Virtually Hung, Lower Whackoff, Its Too Soft
Virgins=1
Total Hashers= 20
The hash was billed as a thank you hash for Rearloader because he is retiring from the Chicago Hare-Razor job. We had 20 hashers show up to say thank you Rear for a job well done. The weather on Monday did not seem to diminish our pack. The trail started from Rabbits and went north with the typical FRB's leading the way. HAPPY ASS GRABBER and MY LITLE PONY led the way with SEX LUTHOR close behind. The trail entered the woods near where the Highway crosses over the north fork of the Chicago River. The trail paralleled the golf course and JUST BESSIE and CHICKEN STIFFER took the easy way by running the golf course fairways instead of contending with tree branches on my 6-foot frame. The trail cut back west and EZ on the ASS barreled through all the barriers and brush in front of him. The path led us to the Beer stop where HORN-E was ankle deep in the river handing out beer. (a note to future hares if you are going to run the pack through water let us know before hand so we can bring proper attire and shoes. We have many new people in the hash now and they do not know to do this at certain venues.) MAGNETIC MUFF and most of the pack soon joined him for a beer. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the chivalrous part of guiding CP and JUST LORI to the meeting point.
The pack got their fill of beer and slogged back in wet shoes to RABBITS. The circle began outside and the VIRTUALLY HUNG lead the circle in giving out proper punishment for the hares. OCCUPIED and LORD FARQUE and BROTHER LOVE sang us whip it out at the ball game for the visitor song. JUST JOHN was welcomed as the virgin for the day. ITS TOO SOFT showed up in a collared shirt and was nailed for being a Non-Running wuss. A local denizen of Rabbits hit upon PACKER HER ARSE and JUST KELLY and he even wanted to buy JUST KELLY a condo and be a kept women. We were happy to see JUST JENN make it back to the hash as well. It has been nice to see LOWER WHACKOFF making it to the hash on a regular basis at the Chicago Hash again. He was a regular back when I first started hashing and was gone for a while. Well that is it for now as I sum this up from the SIN CITY HASH, which I am currently hashing with for 3 days. Last night we ran through major shiggy and ran along the east cliffs of the city that overlooks the OHIO RIVER. They even allowed the CHICAGO GM to run the circle last night and since they asked me back tonight I am going to guess that I did a decent job. ON OUT from CHICKEN STIFFER and hope to see you all at FUJI's or at Mondays hash at 1400 block of West George.
Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1494 @ The Beamont
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Beaumont's 2020 N. Halsted
VIRGINS: Just Evan, Just Lauren II, Just Dale
HASHERS: Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, 69-Cent Man, Just Chris, Just Kess, Just Carrie, Just Jenn, Princess Labia, Boner Malfunction, My Little Pony Pack-Her Arse, Just Bessie, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Just Kelly, Just John, Its Too Soft, Mud Sucker, Chip-n-Dale, Debbie Does Doctors, Mr. Cheesecake, Pussy Galore, DGAS, Mount-me Puh'lzee, Coffee-Tea Or Me, Barks on al Fours, Peterbilt, Man O Whore, Just Nick, Mount Schwinga
VISITORS: OCCUPIED, KITTY LITTER-JOLLY ROGER HASH TAMPA, DGAS
Virgins=3
Total Hashers= 40
The hash was billed as a farewell to PUSSY GALORE hash and the Chicago Hash came through. 40 hashers showed up to pay their respects and say good-bye to the best Pussy in the hashing world. If you want to see her now you will have to make that trip to Barbados where the weather is warm and the rum is wet. The Hash began at 2020 N. Halsted at Beaumonts, a usual hash friendly Bar. Where our famous bartender watches our bags while we hash. The Chicago hash is really getting young with several of the new hashers like JUST CARRIE, MY LITTLE PONY, JUST BESS, JUST JENNY, JUST CHRIS, JUST JOHN, and PACK HER ARSE, and JUST KELLY bringing young blood to the hash. We really are a group of hashers in the 25-35 year-old age range now. CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED arrived early to take advantage of the $5 pitchers but they were not earlier than CHICKEN STIFFER who met our visitor KITTY LITTER for drinks around 6 pm, thank God I already had laid trail. The Hash weather and location had much to do with our turn out of 40 hashers. Remember people if you want hashers to show make it public transportation convenient and parking friendly. Many people did park at Lincoln Park High School including our visitor and PRINCESS LABIA.
The hash went out at 7:30 pm and took over a piece of sidewalk where I gave the chalk talk. During the chalk talk MOUNT ME PUH'LZEE arrived with COFFEE, TEA or ME and BARKS ON ALL FOURS and he asked in a loud voice where is the beer stop?? DO you think I'm really going to tell the whole hash where the beer stop is at you fool? After CALVIN took over introductions, the pack ran south to the corner where there was a split, HORN-E went east and JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY went south. HORN-E went the right way but soon ran right by the next mark and was lost within a minute of starting the hash go figure? I watched JUST BESS and pack run by the Armitage corner and turn down an alley soon they ran by the same corner again because this was the first of many circle jerks on trail. The pack came to a check at LPHS and CHIP-N-DALE found the false trail leading into Oz Park but BATTERIES found true trail going down and alley was soon joined by MR. CHEESECAKE in leading the pack to the Fire Station on Larabee. The sizable pack of 35+ soon found the back check and KITTY LITTER with JUST LAUREN found trail going through the city garden behind the fire station and went south down Larabee. The back of the pack was made up of MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST KELLY, PACK-HER ARSE, and JUST LAUREN. I was sweeping and helping our virgins JUST DALE and JUST LAUREN II find their way down to Lincoln Park. I did not see much of the pack until I got to Old Party Central, but heard that many hashers were mad about the long false trail they found at my home in the hopes of it being the beer stop? I was told that BONER MALFUNCTION was mad but OCCUPIED said the F means false trail right? The pack had to back track and find their way to the real beer stop at Old Party Central where they were treated to semi-cool beer?
MR. CHEESECAKE hung the hash flag on party centrals gate so the surrounding people would know who was there. JUST JOHN and JUST JENNY were happy to be back hashing with us and they wore their haberdashery with pride!!! The beer was soon gone and the trail went thru the DePaul campus with and interesting squeeze between one of the dorms and a fence.
MAGNETIC MUFF led the pack thru here and back to the bar. We arrived at the bar and PETERBILT was there with DGAS and later the other non-runners showed in MUDSUCKER and MAN O WHORE. The hash was enjoying fine beer for a few minutes before the circle was to commence. 69-CENT MAN set up shop and was providing numerous pieces of running literature to the hash but he did not know when Polish Constitution Day was next year? HORN-E was seen cornering apprehensive virgins and veteran hashers to promote his naked hash? CALVIN got the circle of 40 hashers going and suitable punishments were given out. The Hare was punished for warm beer and JUST KELLY was punished again for missing last week's hash along with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. PUSSY GALORE finally got her lanyard and whistle as her goodbye gift. DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS was a reboot. COFFEE and MOUNT ME were congratulated for their next little hasher. The hash flash ITS TOO SOFT with his quick draw camera covered the whole night. The circle was soon closed but the party and dancing went on till 1:30 am and we owe thanks to JUST NICK for the free pizzas and numerous free Labatts pitchers. Many hashers like TRIPLE D paid the price the next day for the numerous beers the night before. See you next week!!! And check out http://www.chicagohash.com/ to see the pictures of all the young new hashers whooping it up at the hash!!!
Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM