Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1569 10.26.08 @ Pumping Company – CH3 #1569 & Halloween Hash Joint Hash w/Second City
HASH TRASH
CHICAGO TALE OF THE TRAIL 10/26/08
Oct. 26, 2008 Pumping Company
HARES: Virtually Hung, Bloody thighs
VIRGINS: Just Kat
VISITORS: Cervix so laid, Barking Sphincter from Mars (Silicon Valley)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Ez Sunday, Just Ira, W’All Bangher, Rhotan, Super Stuff’her, Menage a Twat, R-Tard-E, Horn-e, Soar Balls, Wrapper Snatcher, Porcelain God, Just I Lean, Mudsucker, Good Swallow, Sir Poops A Lot, Stupid Man, Stab’em and Slab’em, Virgin Banger, Buffalo Nuts, Rearguard, Crop Duster, Mouthful of Meat, More Tail, Rotten Whore, Motorwhora, Hoosier Daddy, Glory Hole, Cums on I Lean, Special Head, Bush Lite, Mount Schwiiiinga, Snatchsquatch, It’s Too Soft, Poultry F*cker, Chicken Stiffer, Cumma Slutra, Just Allen, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Dickens Cider, KGB, Magnetic Muff, The Enema Canal, Princess Labia, 69-cent Man, 2 tickets to pair-a-thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, International Virgin, Kunta Kinta
TOTAL HASHERS- 54
The Hash stars were in alignment and the CH3 joined with 2nd city this past weekend for the annual Halloween Hash and celebrate CHICAGO HASHES 1569 hash!!!! The Hash saw roughly 55 hashers come out and run around the Rogers Park neighborhood. Many memorable costumes were worn. Our Hares Virtually Hung and Bloody Thighs were Elvis and a witch respectively and other memorable people were Glory Hole as Quimby the Mayor from the Simpson’s or Mouthful of Meat looking like a ladybug. Horn-e and Rhotan stood together and came as Jack Lemon and Walter Matheiu from the movie "Grumpy Old Men". Just Ira was cute in her German beer wench outfit maybe we will name him this week before she leaves for Germany. It’s too Soft made his usually political statement and came as a government bailout plan can you get George to send us some money for beer?? Cums on I Lean and Just I Lean reversed their roles and allowed Cums on I Lean to wear the pants in the family for one hash. We got everyone together outside and our obliging hares ran the circle giving mis-directions for our lovely pack to follow. I had to put my bag in the shag wagon so when I got back the pack was gone but Mount Schwiiiinga I heard was one of our FBI’s today. Ménage a Twat and 2 Tickets to Pair Thighs were pirates out scouring the trail for a little booty on trail hopeful The Great Lochness Cockster obliged them later on in the night. KGB, Crop Duster, and Just I Lean seemed to be FRB’s most of the day but Crop Duster was laying his own trail with a mysterious white powder trailing from his behind. Eventually we made our way to the on in which was the house/condo of KGB? Hashers sucked down beer and ate the sweets left out by our hares. The pack put a big stink into that place and like usually hashers we left soon after that.
We got back to the bar and were thankful for the $5 pitchers of beer that we drank. Calvin Klein and The Enema Canal got the circle going and the bar even opened the downstairs bars so pitchers could be refilled quickly. International Virgin was asked to flap for us and soon More Tail and Rotten Whore showed up in from trail, but did Rotten really run the trail in High Heels? Poultry Fucker was the birthday girl today which why we left early today. We had some visitors from Silicon Valley Cervix so Laid and Barking Sphincter Monkey. Princess Labia kept yelling buy breast fest gear but couldn’t be heard over the yelling from Dickens Cider. R-Tard-E rode the short bus to the hash today and forgot his costume, and Virgin Banger wrote him a ticket for lack of hash spirit. There were many more people in attendance but I had to leave for someone’s Birthday dinner see you this SUNDAY at NOON for the BEARS game 1 pm’ish for the Mismanagement Meeting and 2 pm for the hash
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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Hare(s): Virtually Hung & Bloody Thighs
Venue: Pumping Company – 6157 N. Broadway
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite rumours that Joe the Plumber will endorse the CH3′s upcoming hash tax plan.
This is Halloween so WEAR YOUR COSTUMES! Prizes for the best costumes and candy at the on-in
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Granville, walk West on Granville 1/2 block to Broadway and then 1/2 block South on Broadway to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jefferson Park, Foster 92 bus East to Berwyn Red Line. Red Line North to Granville, walk West on Granville 1/2 block to Broadway and then 1/2 block South on Broadway to da bar.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Broadway between Granville and Hood. Parking is usually quite plentiful for Broadway, being so far North.
Chicago Hash #1568.9999 10.19.08 @ Casa de W’all Bangher – First Annual Hashtoberfest Hash
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HASH TRASH
Oct. 19, 2008 CH3 #1568.99 @ Casa de W’all Bangher
HARES: W’all Bangher, It’s Too Soft, Snatchsquatch, Just Ira
VIRGINS: Just Keith
VISITORS: Just Tom (Guam), Tiny Tim (Maui), Lickty Slit, Mr. Ed, Mrs. Ed, Just Heidi, Just Amy, Just Beth (MH3),
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Horn-e, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Are they Real, More Tail, Mount Schwiiinga, Magnetic Muff, Mouthful of Meat, R-Tard-E, Just Taylor, Bloody Thighs, Sir Poops A Lot, Poulty F*cker, Lifa,
TOTAL HASHERS – 29
Every now and then the weather gods (good fortune) smile upon us and this past Sunday was exactly the case as we had great weather for the other hashes I co-hared (CH3 #1542 SkyDeck Opening Day in April, CH3 #1550 / 30th Anniversary in June, CH3 JV#2 Taste of Lincoln Ave in July, CH3 #1562 Labor Day) and now CH3 #1568.99 Hashtoberfest!! Despite running in a similar area, the mantra of the day was not to repeat the trail of Chicago’s September Saturday/JV hash just a few short weeks earlier.
Following the Prime Directive we started somewhere different from the get-go, so instead of Poitin Stil we went further South into the hinterlands to another totally new venue called Morseland just West of Sheridan on Morse as the pack gathered to watch the back end of shootout (when’s the last time you saw a 48-41 score in an NFL Football game??) between da Bears and their NFC North rival Vikings. Fittingly we had the largest visitor turnout to a CH3 non-major event hash in recent memory mostly from Minneapolis rooting for their Vikes!!! Double fortunately ultimately da Bears prevailed so we didn’t have to listen to their smack talk all night. 
After newly-minted Thirstday RA Snatchsquatch led the chalk talk the pack headed straight East to one of what would be the first of several crossings of Sheridan to Loyola Park where a particularly subtlely marked check (the first mark was camouflaged by the artwork on the concrete bench) kept the pack confused for quite some time and was particularly punishing on any rangers as Horn-E headed South to Loyola, Calvin headed West to the L and Chicken Stiffer followed two false marks out onto the breakwater pier (did he really expect to find a third mark leading to the middle of Lake Michigan?).
The pack eventually found the trail and promptly ran like someone being chased by an F5 Tornado (whatever happened to noncompetitive hashing?) through the ziz-zag trail which eventually crossed Sheridan two more times, leading to a two block tour of the "Rogers Park French Riviera" also know as "Jarvis Beach" followed by a more or less direct run West to the Howard L station where W’all Bangher and Just Ira were waiting with multiple salvos of Jell-O shots in the self storage facility under the L. Once again she had way more shots than necessary as I think I had five! The pack then staggered North to Calvary Cemetery for a more or less straight West to East romp (after the last time where we zig-zagged several light years all over Hell & Creation through this half mile-wide cemetery) to Clark Square Park in Evanston where our co-hares had nice imported beer for stop #2 and we had a great photo opp of several hashers enjoying with their fancy import beers in front of the "No Alcoholic Beverages Permitted" sign.
After one or more hearty brews the pack headed South back to W’all Bangher’s wonderful casa right on the lakefront for some great food and a classic circle led by Jedi-Master RA Calvin Klein. Unlike most Sunday afternoon hashes, the post-circle partyage continued well into the evening, with much singing of hash songs and we even had to bust out the tiki torches to continue the party as daylight had long since departed. The hash finally ending when the keg was killed and the last beer consumed and locals and visitors alike left in good spirits.
Mad Props to W’all Bangher for not only opening up her fine casa to the hash (yes there are other goofballs out there too like me who don’t mind their places getting overrun by hashers!) and all the fine work she put into it, Snatchsquatch for helping me set the "Southern" part of the trail and finally Just Ira for her help setting the "Northern" part of the trail and beer/shot stop logistics. Too bad she only has a few weeks left on her six-month assignment in the US as she’s been flying below the radar heretofore, but after a breakout performance at 1568.99 could be one of the most promising rookies of the Class of 2008. Our loss is Germany’s gain.
This coming week the proven comedy team of Bloody Thighs and Virtually Hung hare once again out of our favorite Loyala University college bar, the Pumping Company for what I believe will be their 3rd or 4th Annual Halloween Hash. Bring your costume cuz there’s gonna be prizes for the best costume at the on in as well as candy!
Party on on,
Fuji [a.k.a. It's Too Soft]
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers
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Hare(s): W’all Bangher, Fuji, Snatchsquatch & Just Ira
Venue: Morseland – 1218 W Morse Ave Note new location!!!!
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the government spending $700 Billion bailing out the banking system. Imagine if we spent $700 Billion on BEER!!!
Note this is A-B trail with food at the on-in!
Lederhosen and Dirndln’s encouraged!!
A-B with a post hash BBQ at the on-in! We had so much fun with this combo we’re having another go. Trail will be quite different tho!
Weather looks to be spectacular too… what’s there not to like about this!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Morse. The bar is like 2 blocks East of the station.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to anywhere you can catch an Eastbound bus to the Red Line. Take that to Morse, bar is two blocks East.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Morse just West of Sheridan and two blocks East of the L. Parking is fairly plentiful around here as this is well outside of the Green Zone tho it’s probably better going away from Sheridan.
Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1568 10.12.08 @ Stocks & Blondes – You Want Me To Do WHAT After the Marathon!!?? Hash
Hash Trash – Oct. 12, 2008
Chicago #1568 @ Stocks and Blondes
HARES: Mudsucker, Magnetic Muff, Glory Hole
VIRGINS: Just Taylor, Just Tina, Just Sadie
VISITORS: Balut & GDWB (Houston), Erin Go Buff ( Honolulu) Halley’s Comet (Bell Scott), Designated Driver (Lansing), Belching Semen (Whitehouse hash)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Ginger Snatch, Horn-e, Super Stuf’her Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Santchsquatch, Uploader, Just Shaina, Just Nicole, Just Joel, Just Alexis, Virtually Hung, Princess Labia, The Enema Canal, Discharged Seamen, Ez on the Ass, Cumma Slutra, Crop Duster, It’s Too Soft, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porcelain God,
TOTAL HASHERS – 37
Today 37 hashers came out to the Sunday fun and some started even earlier that usually. The Hash activities started today with a few hashers making their way to 33rd and the Dan Ryan to cheer marathoners and hand out water and beer today. The first wave of runners really went for that water but the second wave were surprised and pleased to have that beer. The hash cleaned up around 1 pm and made their way via the Red line to the downtown starting point for the hash. Stocks and Blondes informed us that the keg would not work because the CO2 was out. I got them to give us 165 bottles of beer for the same price the $160 we were to pay for the keg and all was good.
Our hares today GLORY HOLE, MAGNETIC MUFF, and MUDSUCKER laid a trail with a turkey and eagle portion to it so our marathon runners could attend and other hashers could get a run in. JUST TAYLOR just in from Orlando joined us to day after being in Chicago for no more that 4 days. WE also met virgins JUST SADIE and JUST TINA in the bar celebrating JUST TINA’s marathon finish. JUST SHAINA and I decided to watch peoples bags and the Bears game that they lost along with WRAPPER SNATCHER and eventual CROP DUSTER. I am glad I decided not to run because I meet BALUT and GDWB in from the Houston Hash for a couple of days but the could not stay for circle. BALUT has an interesting name look it up on line here
http://en.wikipedia .org/wiki/ Balut
The pack was off and the small crew inside the bar was joined by EZ on the ASS and CUMMA SLUTRA and we all waited for the rest of the pack to make their way around trail and join us. The FRB’s were SNATCHSQUATCH and SUPER STUF’HER soon followed by CUMS on I LEAN and JUST I LEAN with his side kick R-TARD-E. BELCHING SEMEN announced her presence in a typical loud style which was echoed by ERIN GO BUFF in from Honolulu. I heard that HALLEY’s COMET and JUST NICOLE loved the smell of the Chicago alleys they ran thru and even saw a rat or 2 along the way.
Today also saw the return of JUST ALEXIS our peeing queen who has been out the last several weeks because she hurt her knees somehow? THE ENEMA CANAL played the part of the RA and his side kick PRINCESS LABIA was faithfully at his side. UPLOADER was his usually loud self screaming obscenities and mooning the whole circle at least 20 times or was that the homeless guy outside the window? Over all we had a great time and will see you next week.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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Hare(s): Mudsucker, Magnetic Muff & Glory Hole
Venue: Stocks & Blondes – 40 N. Wells
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the Cubs flaming out in the postseason without the aid of Steve Bartman. Sox are checked out too now. GO BEARS!! Better yet, GO BEERS!!!!
Four our post-marathon hash we’re gonna buy a whole keg from the bar so come thirsty cuz this one’s gonna leave a mark!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton. Brown Line to Washington & Wells, bar is like right by the L stop..
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Washington. Hoof it like four blocks West to Wells. Bar is by the Brown Line stop.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to da Loop and make your way to Washington & Wells. Look for a 6pm meter or pay $40 to park in a ramp, ya goof..
Mudsucker’s Annual Chili Party (Not a hash run) Sat 11/8 @ 7:30pm
Hare(s): Mudsucker
Venue: 3520 S. Wallace St. (3500 south, 600 west) – a yellow two flat. Mud’s Cell: 312.505.2856
Hash Cash: A few bucks to cover costs if you can’t bring something, but it is voluntary.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to 35th. Hoof it four blocks West past Comisky to Wallace and head 1/2 block South
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to anywhere you can catch the Red Line. Red Line to 35th. Hoof it four blocks West past Comisky to Wallace and head 1/2 block South
Saturday, Nov 8th, 7:30 until ???
Bring? Yourself, chili, snacks, pop, hot dogs, whatever, etc. If you want to drink wine, bring some.
All are encouraged to bring their creations to challenge the Infamous Mudsucker Texas Chili. Mud has all the fixin’s for both Texas chili and a milder (relatively) Yankee chili. Can we talk Peterbilt into bringing his famous brisket? Too Soft to bring his camera! If someone makes a veggie chili, I am sure that it will be appreciated.
Mud will get beer. Will ask for a few bucks to cover costs if you can’t bring something, but it is voluntary. No sleepovers except sexy women with no common sense nor morals to sleep with Mudsucker! I would appreciate an Email if you are coming – not mandatory, but helps to plan the amount of beer needed – isn’t one keg per six hashers the guideline???
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to 35th & Wallace. Parking is usually pretty okay as now that the Sox have flamed out in the postseason.
Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1567 10.5.08 @ Batteries’ Haus – First Sunday Hash of the Fall/Winter/Spring Semester
Hash Trash
Chicago #1567
Oct. 5, 2008 House of Batteries
HARES: Calvin Klein and Batteries not Included
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: Film @ 11-Baltimore, Neon- Panama Hash,
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Ginger Snatch, Bloody Thighs, Mudsucker, I Like Dick, Just Tina, Sir Poops A lot, Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuf’her, KGB, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E
TOTAL HASHERS= 21
Great hash today, I’m sure if the rain hadn’t scared a few people away we would have had our usually 30 hashers out on a Sunday trail. The Pack met at the bar and NEON was our first arriver. She looked anxious because she was hanging out at the door just waiting to run. The bar even made her play taps before she left for circle for the dead in the water Detroit Lions that the BEARS were killing today. CALVIN left 10 minutes before the pack did so he could set live trail with flour and BATTERIES conducted the chalk talk. All were set but we needed to introduce our hashers and give the visitors FILM @ 11 and NEON directions on how to follow our CH3 trail. LIFA led the pack out along with SIR POOPS A LOT and the rain started to subside and was replaced with the sun??? Trail went SE towards the Clark and Division red line stop with the pack following HORN-E and his blown horn. FILM @ 11 was seen stripping near this corner for $$$?? but it turned out she was only warm from the run. W’ALL BANGER bit the dust on this trail trying to accelerate around a corner she hit the wall in turn 3 and blew a wheel. KGB found the trail was now running east towards the lake and everyone was expecting a little hashing on the lakefront.
Our hares were a little too smart for that and circled back west away from the lake catching most of the pack looking east except for the CHICKEN STIFFER who ran into blobs of flour I went west on this unknown trail and HORN-E went east unfortunately he was not on and the trail continued in a NW direction until it ran behind the CHICAGO HISTORICAL SOCIETY. I even had time to run back and mark the last two checks and splits so the pack led by GINGER SNATCH could catch up. R-TARD-E played the part of HOT PANTS today running trail in his gym shoes and jeans. The trail here ran through the Lincoln Park area that has a statue of Ulysses S. Grant in it while Grant Park has a statue of Abraham Lincoln in it, odd huh? Trail continued north and then ran thru the zoo and our visit! ors were amazed that the zoo was free, that is the beauty of the Lincoln Park Zoo. Finally the trail came out of the zoo and BN was seen at last with the beer stop in the arboretum just north of the zoo. JUST I LEAN met us there with the hare CALVIN KLEIN!!! Soon hasher like BLOODY THIGHS and KGB were joining the FRB’s in downing a few beers before we ran over to the house of BATTERIES for circle and Yucca.
The house of BATTERIES found us with I LIKE DICK and JUST TINA waiting for us and soon we were joined with SUPER STUF’HER and MUDSUCKER as well. CALVIN ran the circle with the FRB being CHICKEN and DFL was W’ALL BANGER with the bum wheel trailing behind her. Our visitors were brought out and FILM @ 11 got her name for having sex on a fire engine that made the 11 o’clock news in Baltimore. NEON will only be here until Friday so come out and say goodbye to her on Thursday. I LIKE DICK had to drink every other down-down for refusing to run a CALVIN trail that only went about four-miles CALVIN kept the circle going and BATTERIES was cooking the pizzas, the YUCCA was started by LIFA and soon the whole circle was drinking YUCCA, but can anyone explain why in YUCCA the limes sank and the oranges and lemons floated??? BIG HASH MYSTERY that needs to be solved!!! Maybe more YUCCA at ANTHRAX HASH DEC. 20, 2008. The YUCCA was cared for and burped by CUMS on I LEAN today she treated the Yucca like a newborn with care and love as she cradled it to her bosom. CALVIN had a few more accusations and MOUTHFUL of MEAT was caught for auto hashing and LIFA and HOOSIER DADDY sang a train riding song because they took Metra to the hash. SEE you all next week at the MARATHON hash DOWNTOWN!!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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Hare(s): Batteries Not Included and Calvin Klein
Venue: McGinny’s Tap – 313 W. North Ave
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the much-hailed New Hadron Supercollider shutting down until Spring 2009 after only a few days operation due to a mechanical fault. I suppose we’ll have to wait until Chicago hashing returns to Monday nights before we’ll find out if the "micro black holes" that the Supercollider is theorized to produce will swallow up the Earth.
This Sunday‘s hash will be hared by Calvin Klein and yours truly Batteries Not Included. This will be a A – B hash starting at McGinny’s Tap (313 W. North Ave.) This new hash spot is about a block East of the Sedgwick Brown Line stop. The B will include plenty of cold BEER, YUCCA (for you newbies, don’t ask what it is – just show up and see!) and FOOD! This same trail won "TRAIL OF THE YEAR" in 2006. So come on out and celebrate Chicago’s AWESOME BASEBALL TEAMS (wear your team’s gear!) and our FIRST SUNDAY BACK HASH!
ALSO -
Sunday, October 12th (Post Chicago Marathon Hash) we are looking for a veteran hare to show a virgin hare the ropes in trail laying. We already have the venue (Stocks and Blondes – http://www.stocksan dblondesbargrill e.com/) and the beer special, all we need is a willing hare and some drywall. Please notify me or Mouthful of Meat if you’re intrested!
On On!
Batteries Not Included
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to Sedgwick and hoof it like two blocks East on North Ave to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, cutover to the North Ave #72 bus to da bar which is between Orleans & Park.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to North Ave between Orleans & Park. Speaking of which parking in this hood is generally crappy, but less so the farther west you go towards the projects.
This Sunday‘s hash will be hared by Calvin Klein and yours truly Batteries Not Included. This will be a A – B hash starting at McGinny’s Tap (313 W. North Ave.) This new hash spot is about a block East of the Sedgwick Brown Line stop. The B will include plenty of cold BEER, YUCCA (for you newbies, don’t ask what it is – just show up and see!) and FOOD! This same trail won "TRAIL OF THE YEAR" in 2006. So come on out and celebrate Chicago’s AWESOME BASEBALL TEAMS (wear your team’s gear!) and our FIRST SUNDAY BACK HASH!
ALSO -
Sunday, October 12th (Post Chicago Marathon Hash) we are looking for a veteran hare to show a virgin hare the ropes in trail laying. We already have the venue (Stocks and Blondes –
On On!
Batteries Not Included
CH3 Hare Razor
