Tale of the Trail – Chicago JV Hash #1 6.28.08 @ The Union Tavern
Hash Trash: 6/28/08 CHICAGO JV Hash - #1
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: The Union
VIRGINS: Just Martin, Just Max, Just Eric, Just Noah
VISITORS: K.O. (Boise Larrikins) Too Drunk (Boise Larrikins)
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Just John, Just Brett, The Porcelain God, The Great Lochness Cockster, 2 Tickets Too A Pair a Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Moan On Trail,
VIRGINS= 5
VISTORS= 2
TOTAL HASHERS= 17
Well the CHICAGO HASH JV #1 took place on Saturday and my thoughts were we would be lucky to get 10 hashers to show up, but we got 17 people out on the first hash and I was surprised. R-TARD-E was drinking at NOON good R-TARD. WRAPPER SNATCHER gave me a big kiss for promoting this idea because she can’t hash on Monday nights and has no car to get out to other hashers. This was the sentiment of 4 other Chicago Hashers one that was present and 3 that were not but said they will show up for the JV hash #2 if they can. This was the main reason to start this hash going but two other reasons presented themselves today as well. We had two great visitors from the BOISE LARRIKINS hash who would have gone without hashing today if it wasn’t for this hash; something I completely forgot about was the possibility of more visitors showing up? Boy am I a dumb ass or what? Don’t answer that!!! The other reason was to allow more virgins to make hash and they did and they loved it!!
The Hash started at 1 pm and even that didn’t seem to screw anyone up people made it on time and 2 TICKETS TOO A PAIR A THIGHS and THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER even arrived at their usual time, 5-minutes late. Our new virgins got in the spirit of things and JUST MARTIN, JUST MAX, and JUST ERIC were doing te-kill-me shots before they ran I set a live trail through the beautiful architecture of Lincoln Park/Lakeview neighborhoods. I ran through alleyways and alleys and even cut right by the CHICKEN house, which confused many hashers who thought the beer stop would be there. The trail ended at the OLD PARTY CENTRAL where our lovely hostess MOAN ON TRAIL waited for us with semi-cold TECATE. The pack came in with the THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER as our FRB and ROTTEN WHORE was our FBI. We waited for the rest to show up but TOO DRUNK was having a calf problem. I didn’t set trail to the farm of the LINCOLN PARK ZOO so I had no idea what he was talking about.
The pack made it back to the Union where we took over the bar from two patrons and when we sang our songs with verve and gusto they decided to leave the beer garden to the hashers. ROTTEN WHORE was given a down-down for using three lines to mark true trial, which confused our visitors because three lines in Boise is a false trail. We sang songs for our virgins and we called out JUST JOHN and WRAPPER SNATCHER for no hash attire. THE RA-CHICKEN was given a down-down for great weather and shitty trail. ITS TOO SOFT couldn’t even sing the song he picked for the RA correctly and was punished. MOAN ON TRAIL showed up in her familiar plaid blue hat and drank RED BULL and VODKA, hmmm good!!! The PORCELAIN GOD was being too frisky with the SNATCHER and was called out as well. The Circle lasted about 30 minutes and we enjoyed $6 pitchers of Bud Light and $10 pitchers of Guinness and then we sang Swing Low. After we did close circle we got around to naming JUST BRETT. Names like big feet, little dick and other red headed names flew but JUST BRETT is now SNATCHSQUATCH. The CUBS-SOX game was on and about half-hour after we closed circle the heavy deluge came so no one else can claim they ran this hash because all the marks are now gone. JV # 2 should take place on JULY 26, 2008 and we might tie it into the LINCOLN STREET FESTIVAL. Maybe run at 1 pm and then go see a great band play?
CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM
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Venue: The Union Tavern- 2858 N. Halsted St. Chicago
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the US Gov't "losing track of" nearly $5.5 billion of anti-terrorism aid to Pakistan. Yeah I lose track of that kinda scratch all the time...
OK YOU ASKED FOR IT and you GOT IT!!!!
The CHICAGO HASH will be running on the last Saturday of each month in the SUMMER. Many CH3 hashers have said they can not run on Monday nights when we switched so here is your chance to stretch those legs on the weekend.
THIS HASH WILL BE THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX- CUBS HASH so wear your baseball gear!
THIS HASH WILL meet at 1 pm out at 1:30 pm!!!
PLACE: The Union Tavern
2858 N Halsted St
Chicago, IL 60657
Phone: (773) 755-9870
We will hash at 1 pm and then get back to watch the SOX-CUBS game which is scheduled to start at 3:00 pm. Future Saturday hashes may begin near street festivals and try to circle at them? The options are limitless!!!
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton or Belmont, Brown Line to Diversey. Hoof it two blocks East to Halsted and one block North to George.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square. Diversey 76 bus East to Halsted. Hoof it one block North to George.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Diversey & George. Parking is challenging in this area like trying to assemble a ship in a bottle blindfolded, hung upside down and while a 7.5 magnitude earthquake is in progress. Best bet is to either feed the meters on Halsted or you can ditch on the side streets without a Zone 383 permit so long as you skedaddle by 6pm.