Tail of the Trail – Chicago Varsity Hash #1551 – 6.30.08 @ Piano Man
Here’s a pic from the backyard at Piano Man. More pix on the nav bar to the left. Great tour thru West Lakeview/Wrigleyville on Monday!
Payback!
By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
Hashed Last Day of June 2008, 7PM
Piano Man
CHICAGO #1551 – So what happens exactly a week after the Cubbies sweep the Sox at Wrigley? Payback! The Sox clean up at the Cell placing the two teams at a dead tie. Well, for those who haven’t purchased riot gear for the potential White Sox-Cubbies World Series, you should probably plan on camping out at ODOR EATER’s or EZ ON THE ASS’s during that time. THE ENEMA CANAL and JUST JULIA are pretty much screwed since they live in that borderland between the 35th and Addison Red Line Stops way outside of the “Green Zone.”
But enough apocalyptics, the hash found itself in the fairly quiet and somber Piano Man where the residents of Wrigleyville (Are they called Wrigleys? You know like the Whos from Whoville?) were definitely not celebrating. Being that this was a BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CALVIN KLEIN trail we were all expecting a long trail full of heartbreak. Some hashers such as HOOSIER DADDY and CROP DUSTER remember the Beer Near followed by a Beer Very Near followed by a Beer Very Very Near from the last trail those two hares laid.
CALVIN, ever the considerate one, brought out the virgins JUST KAWIKA and JUST MATT closer to the Chalk Talk so that they would be guaranteed to be lost later in the trail. We also had a visit from PROSTATE PIRATE AAARRGH! who was in town for a confAAARRRence. We also had a dog, CHEESE, who is part of the HAPPY ASS GRABBER family. And as soon as CALVIN got tired of explaining marks we were all off to find the trail.
BAGSQUEEZER and JUST JOHN set off ahead of everyone else while the virgins were warned that following ENEMA, ROTTEN WHORE, or HORN-E could result in being lost for quite a while as those three are terrible SCBs(Short Cutting Bastards). After a couple of checks we were soon joined by THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER and TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS. When we finally arrived at the Beer Stop, ww met up with ONE HANDED TYPIST who was lounging about waiting for SUPER STUF’HER to arrive so they could feed the bottomless pits of their stomachs. As we began to become refreshed in the oh so hot sandwich shop. Apparently the heat was too much for some as IT’S TOO SOFT felt it necessary to take the Clark 22 bus back to Piano Man.
So CALVIN and ENEMA held circle as chefs JUST I LEAN and CUMS ON I LEAN tended to grilling dogs. So what happened other than ROTTEN WHORE never leaving the virgins alone? Well apparently ODOR EATER mistook ROTTEN WHORE for LOWER WACKOFF which is just plain odd. Oh yes, I almost forgot, we celebrated the loss of the Cubs with song and merriment. We also had to call out MAGENTIC MUFF and SIR POOPS A LOT for not calling out other people. So who wanted to win the hash this time? Well it was JUST BILL with his triathlon shirt who had this overpowering urge to get back first. CROP DUSTER on the other hand distracted JUST JULIA and led her into the bar ensuring that she would be the FBI(First Bimbo In), just edging out TWO TICKETS. Of course that meant the DFL(Dead Fucking Last) was R-TARD-E that was until MUDSUCKER showed up later only to be later followed by MOUNT SCHWIIINGA.
HARES (2): Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
VIRGINS (4): Just Matt, Just Kawika, Just Jeff, Just Zack
VISITORS (1): Prostate Pirate Aaarrgh! (Charleston, South Carolina)
HASHERS (33): Bagsqueezer, Smelly Concha, The Enema Canal, Snatchsquatch, Just I Lean, Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E, Crop Duster, Salty Gash, Sit-n-Pee, One Handed Typist, Magnetic Muff, Just Bill, Just Sarah, Just Julia, Just Kelly, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Barry O’Manilow, Horn-E, Happy Ass Grabber, Super Stuf’Her, Mouthful of Meat, 2 Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, Sir Poops A Lot, Hooked on Tonics, Just John, It’s Too Soft, Hoosier Daddy, Lifa, Lower Wackoff, Benafuckedher
WALKER (3): EZ on the Ass, Mudsucker, Mount Schwiiinga
DOG (1): Cheese (Why do we keep getting dogs? And who pays for them?)
CUBS – 0
W. SOX – 3
TOTAL HASHERS – 38 and 5 Walk-ins (2 of them being Virgins)
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Mount Schwiiinga was voted MVP of her kickball team.
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Hare(s): Batteries Not Included & Calvin Klein
Venue: Piano Man – 3801 N. Clark St. Chicago
Hash Cash: Still just $8 despite CH3 attendance rising faster than Cubs fans’ hopes! Chicago 1550 = 67 hashers & Chicago JV 1 = 17 hashers means last week CH3 drew 84 which I believe is a record for a regular week!
Great divey bar with a great outdoor patio. They usually let us use their grille so if ya wanna bring along something grillable you can! The hares got us $5 pitchers (in Wrigleyville, on a night the Cubs game is on TV no less!!!) and use of the patio so it’s gonna be a Loooooong night!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Addison, hoof it a block West along the Southern edge of Wrigley Field to Clark and then two blocks North to Grace.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Addison, CTA Addison #152 bus East to Clark, hoof it two blocks North on Clark to Grace.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Clark & Grace. Parking is usually findable as the Cubbies are in San Francisco that night further North along Clark by the cemeteries, or even East of Clark on Irving Park a couplea blocks el Norte.
Tale of the Trail – Chicago Varsity Hash #1550 6.23.08 @ Party Central Skydeck – THE Chicago HHH Official 30th Anniversary Hash
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Here’s GM Chicken Stiffer being interviewed for a segment on the hash for Runner’s Ultimate Network on Comcast Sports Net which is scheduled to air on July 5. More Fujirazzi pix on the nav bar to the right or here and to see the video on YouTube click here.
Nellie Darling, You Suck!
By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
Hashed 16+7=23 June 2008, 7PM
Party Central Skydeck
CHICAGO #1550 – It took the hashers a little while to get use to the camera, after all you never know when you are going to show up on COPS! According to CHICKEN STIFFER the camera was just there for some sort of Comcast Sports show (Runner’s Ultimate Network), although it is my personal belief that they were anthropologists, sort of like Jane Goodall. After some prodding, people began to open up and talk to the camera like BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED.
There were quite a few people that hadn’t been around lately that finally showed up after apparently learning how to use the internet once again. CUM IN MY ASSFAULT had been missing since Easter as well as JUST NORA, showing up for her second time (hopefully she understands that she is not going to get fed at every hash). ONE HANDED TYPIST and HOOKED ON TONICS also made an appearance to prove to the rest of the hash that they have not died or moved to Kathmandu. While those mentioned came fashionably late, others just came fashionable. Many had on their 30 Years of Hashing shirts from the weekend to include THE ENEMA CANAL, BLOODY THIGHS, PRINCESS LABIA, and JUST BRETT. JUST EMILY had the most interesting shirt of all with the words “Sludge Muffins” on it.
After some brief pre-intoxication the hashers were finally herded down to the alley behind Party Central so there could be discussions of marks. VIRTUALLY HUNG had already departed by that time and left the Chalk Talk to CHICKEN as the Brown Line roared past to drown out our introductions. With CHICKEN having no idea which way VIRTUAL went to, our Chalk Talk turned into our first Check. CROP DUSTER and MOLDY MAN SAC went north to look for trail while ENEMA decided to head south to look for trail only to stop dead in their tracks and head back. SUPER STUFF’HER, CUMS ON I LEAN, R-TARD-E, and JUST I LEAN slowly brought up the rear as they took turn wearing the manly doggie backpack and walking Beulah the non-drinking dog.
But what we all really care about is what happened afterwards under the guidance of CALVIN KLEIN and ENEMA. Due to all the virgins that had arrived, it became necessary to show them how to do a proper down-down, so we called out MORE TAIL and another hasher (who will remain nameless because he lost his Trial by Down-Down) to show the Virgins how to empty their vessels. You would think that people would learn not to wear new shoes but JUST ED noticed that ANAL ASSAULT had picked up a bright new pair of Asics. To thank him for his keen sense of sight we had him drink from the left as she drank from the right (now that’s teamwork). With all the hashers there it wasn’t unusual for there to be a lot of side conversations and we called out a few for being disruptive. It came to the RA’s notice that W’ALL BANGHER couldn’t keep quiet while HORN-E was reading a letter to the kennel so she was asked to keep quiet by Down-Down. Of course nobody learns so we also had to pull in ROTTEN WHORE for the same reason (surprise, surprise!) and then JUST BRETT who apparently defeated our arm-straightening pipe (the guy is just too big).
UPLOADER also received the fabled 10th run whistle so now he can tell the rest of us where true trail is. Finally, we had a very interesting take on Nellie Darling as we returned her book which was lost last week and chanted “You Suck” in between every line. So set your TIVOs to record on the 5th of July because that’s all the info you’re getting from me.
HARES (4): Chicken Stiffer, Virtually Hung, Calvin Klein, It’s Too Soft
VIRGINS (7): Just Brad, Just Ira, Just Leah, Just Ines, Just Kelly, Just Adam, Just Cari,
VISITORS (2): Hot Lips (Grand Rapids), Fuck Me til I Turn Brown (Boston),
HASHERS (52): Anal Assault, The Enema Canal, Just Brett, Just Amanda, Just I Lean, Risky Business, Cumma Slutra, Cums On I Lean, Batteries Not Included, R-Tard-E, Crop Duster, Salty Gash, Sit-n-Pee (Just Ed), Just Allie, One Handed Typist, Just Jenn, Just Eva, Moldy Man Sac, 867-5309, More Tail, Odor Eater, Rotten Whore, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, Barry-o-man Loan, Just Bill, Dr. Poolittle, Bloody Thighs, Horn-E, Just Nora, Super Stuf’Her, Mouthful of Meat, Just Nettie, International Virgin, Princess Labia, W’all Bangher, Porcelain God, 2 Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lochness Cockster, Stupidman (Kenosha Sucks), Cum in My Assfault, Just Emily, Sir Poops A Lot, Moan On Trail, Hooked on Tonics, Just John, Just Shari, Just Emily, Mount Schwiiinga, Carpet Shagger, Just Allison, Uploader
CUBS – 3
W. SOX – 0
TOTAL HASHERS – 65
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Odor Eater cries everytime he watches “Little Women.”
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From the Chicken:
Also the Comcast Sports Net running program that visited us On Monday and interviewed hashers and taped our run will air on JULY 5, 2008 at 5 pm before the SOX game. MAYBE someone will become famous.
http://runnersultimatenet.com/
Nice job everyone helping out for the CHICAGO HASH’s 30th Celebration. CALVIN and VIRTUAL laid a great trail. ONE HANDED TYPIST for the awesome beer stop. JUST I LEAN and CUMS on I LEAN for cooking. BATTERIES AND JUST AMANDA for beer wenching. IT was just a plus to have the TV CAMERA CREW around the whole night and hopefully we will see some new hashers join from the TV coverage. MOUTHFUL of MEAT for hare raising and finally ITS TOO SOFT for the use of the deck. Glad to see we had such a great turn out and DON"T FORGET we hash SATURADY and MONDAY this week.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
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Hare(s): Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Fuji & Virtually Hung
Venue: The Party Central Skydeck – 933 W Wolfram, Rooftop (just NE of the Diversey Brown Line stop)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 as we re-invest our savings from buying bushels of fresh tomatoes which for some odd reason are unusually cheap at the local market. Normal hash cash of eight bucks includes catered food and at least one keg on the Skydeck!!!!
THE Chicago Hash House Harriers will be celebrating our 30th Anniversary with Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Fuji and Virtually Hung takeing the pack on a scenic romp through the Lincoln Park "Green Zone". This one’s at our doorsteps!
Join the Chicago Hash House Harriers as we celebrate THE Chicago Hash House Harriers’ 30th Anniversary this year with the CH3′s special 30th Anniversary Hash.!!
To help celebrate this great milestone we will be providing FOOD catered in and have a keg on the Skydeck too so you know we’re not gonna run out of beer. Don’t forget to call in sick from work on Tuesday! As a bonus we’re even gonna throw in a couple bushels of fresh tomatoes which for some strange reason were unusually cheap at the market this week…
ALL FOR ONLY $8 USUAL HASH CASH!!!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to the recently re-opened Diversey stop (woo-hoo!!!), hoof it 1/2 block North up Sheffield and right (East) into the alley before Wolfram. Cross under the L tracks and into the first driveway to your left after the big fenced parking lot next to the tracks. Go up the back porch stairs to the Skydeck.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square. Hoof it a couplea blocks North to Diversey and take the Diversey #76 bus East to Sheffield.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Diversey & Sheffield. Side streets are resident zone permit after 6pm so best bet is Sheffield South of Diversey or Diversey West of Sheffield. Many meters in this ’hood are 9pm or Sunday check your meter before parking your precious sled.
Empowered by renewable solar wind energy and:
Other events celebrating the Chicago Hash House Harriers 30th Anniversary:
30 Years of Hashing in Chicago – Fri 6/20-Sun 6/22Hare(s): Lead Organizers – Horn-E (Moon Hashes & Bushman Hash), Assflac (Second City HHH) & Rear Loader (Thirstday HHH)
Venue: Various – mostly woods runs and a hotel out by O’Hare airport
Hash Cash: $99.69. There are lots of other options as well as ala carte prices so please check their website for the latest details.
Check out their web site at http://www.30yearshashinginchicago.com/
The Event Package includes:
Friday Night Hash in Downtown Chicago with Beer and Food
Saturday R/T Bus from Hash Hotel to Woods Hash, Beer and Food in the Woods
Saturday Night Dirtieth Anniversary Banquet & Ball(ing) Food and Open Bar
Sunday Woods Hash from Hash Hotel with Beer and Food
Chicago Summer Mismanagement Meeting 7.1.08 @ The Hidden Shamrock
Hare(s): CH3 Mismanagment
Venue: The Hidden Shamrock – 2723 N. Halsted
Hash Cash: Pay-as-you-go for your drinks as this is a meeting, not a hash
Come out and see and participate in how your hash is run. You do not have to be part of current Mismanagement to attend, all are welcome.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton or Belmont, Brown Line to Diversey. Hoof it two blocks East to Halsted and a 1/2 block South to da bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square. Diversey 76 bus East to Halsted. Hoof it a 1/2 block South to da bar.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Diversey & Halsted. Parking is challenging in this area like trying to assemble a ship in a bottle blindfolded, hung upside down and while a 7.5 magnitude earthquake is in progress. Best bet is to either feed the meters on Halsted or walk way out on Diversey past Sheffield to some nonmetered spots.
Tale of the Trail – Chicago JV Hash #1 6.28.08 @ The Union Tavern
Hash Trash: 6/28/08 CHICAGO JV Hash – #1
Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: The Union
VIRGINS: Just Martin, Just Max, Just Eric, Just Noah
VISITORS: K.O. (Boise Larrikins) Too Drunk (Boise Larrikins)
HASHERS: Its Too Soft, R-Tard-E, Rotten Whore, Just John, Just Brett, The Porcelain God, The Great Lochness Cockster, 2 Tickets Too A Pair a Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Moan On Trail,
VIRGINS= 5
VISTORS= 2
TOTAL HASHERS= 17
Well the CHICAGO HASH JV #1 took place on Saturday and my thoughts were we would be lucky to get 10 hashers to show up, but we got 17 people out on the first hash and I was surprised. R-TARD-E was drinking at NOON good R-TARD. WRAPPER SNATCHER gave me a big kiss for promoting this idea because she can’t hash on Monday nights and has no car to get out to other hashers. This was the sentiment of 4 other Chicago Hashers one that was present and 3 that were not but said they will show up for the JV hash #2 if they can. This was the main reason to start this hash going but two other reasons presented themselves today as well. We had two great visitors from the BOISE LARRIKINS hash who would have gone without hashing today if it wasn’t for this hash; something I completely forgot about was the possibility of more visitors showing up? Boy am I a dumb ass or what? Don’t answer that!!! The other reason was to allow more virgins to make hash and they did and they loved it!!
The Hash started at 1 pm and even that didn’t seem to screw anyone up people made it on time and 2 TICKETS TOO A PAIR A THIGHS and THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER even arrived at their usual time, 5-minutes late. Our new virgins got in the spirit of things and JUST MARTIN, JUST MAX, and JUST ERIC were doing te-kill-me shots before they ran I set a live trail through the beautiful architecture of Lincoln Park/Lakeview neighborhoods. I ran through alleyways and alleys and even cut right by the CHICKEN house, which confused many hashers who thought the beer stop would be there. The trail ended at the OLD PARTY CENTRAL where our lovely hostess MOAN ON TRAIL waited for us with semi-cold TECATE. The pack came in with the THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER as our FRB and ROTTEN WHORE was our FBI. We waited for the rest to show up but TOO DRUNK was having a calf problem. I didn’t set trail to the farm of the LINCOLN PARK ZOO so I had no idea what he was talking about.
The pack made it back to the Union where we took over the bar from two patrons and when we sang our songs with verve and gusto they decided to leave the beer garden to the hashers. ROTTEN WHORE was given a down-down for using three lines to mark true trial, which confused our visitors because three lines in Boise is a false trail. We sang songs for our virgins and we called out JUST JOHN and WRAPPER SNATCHER for no hash attire. THE RA-CHICKEN was given a down-down for great weather and shitty trail. ITS TOO SOFT couldn’t even sing the song he picked for the RA correctly and was punished. MOAN ON TRAIL showed up in her familiar plaid blue hat and drank RED BULL and VODKA, hmmm good!!! The PORCELAIN GOD was being too frisky with the SNATCHER and was called out as well. The Circle lasted about 30 minutes and we enjoyed $6 pitchers of Bud Light and $10 pitchers of Guinness and then we sang Swing Low. After we did close circle we got around to naming JUST BRETT. Names like big feet, little dick and other red headed names flew but JUST BRETT is now SNATCHSQUATCH. The CUBS-SOX game was on and about half-hour after we closed circle the heavy deluge came so no one else can claim they ran this hash because all the marks are now gone. JV # 2 should take place on JULY 26, 2008 and we might tie it into the LINCOLN STREET FESTIVAL. Maybe run at 1 pm and then go see a great band play?
CHICKEN STIFFER- CH3 GM
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Venue: The Union Tavern- 2858 N. Halsted St. Chicago
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite the US Gov’t "losing track of" nearly $5.5 billion of anti-terrorism aid to Pakistan. Yeah I lose track of that kinda scratch all the time…
OK YOU ASKED FOR IT and you GOT IT!!!!
The CHICAGO HASH will be running on the last Saturday of each month in the SUMMER. Many CH3 hashers have said they can not run on Monday nights when we switched so here is your chance to stretch those legs on the weekend.
THIS HASH WILL BE THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX- CUBS HASH so wear your baseball gear!
THIS HASH WILL meet at 1 pm out at 1:30 pm!!!
PLACE: The Union Tavern
2858 N Halsted St
Chicago, IL 60657
Phone: (773) 755-9870
We will hash at 1 pm and then get back to watch the SOX-CUBS game which is scheduled to start at 3:00 pm. Future Saturday hashes may begin near street festivals and try to circle at them? The options are limitless!!!
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton or Belmont, Brown Line to Diversey. Hoof it two blocks East to Halsted and one block North to George.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square. Diversey 76 bus East to Halsted. Hoof it one block North to George.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Diversey & George. Parking is challenging in this area like trying to assemble a ship in a bottle blindfolded, hung upside down and while a 7.5 magnitude earthquake is in progress. Best bet is to either feed the meters on Halsted or you can ditch on the side streets without a Zone 383 permit so long as you skedaddle by 6pm.
Tale of the Trail – Chicago #1549 6.16.08 @ Lottie’s in Bucktown
Here’s pic from Lottie’s at the Circle Closing Ceremonies (yes, there is alliteration in the hash) where one of our hares Giddy Up is expressing some serious nonverbal commentary on something I did not catch because it was behind my shooting angle. Probably lost to history now, but the rest of the past is now captured in current perpetuity in the Fujirazzi pix on the website and at http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=kuxb1a3.6214odv7&x=0&y=rb8h3t&localeid=en_US
OMG WE had 52 hashers at Mondays run!! Since there were so many please let me know if i missed someone on the list below so I can included them in the attendance sheets. Great work by our NEW RA THE Enema Canal and much thanks go to our hash cash and beer mistress CUMS on I LEAN. HOPE TO SEE you next week on CH3 MONDAY night 30th anniversary Hash. 933 W. Wolfram. YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS THIS HASH!!!! Many special things are planned!!!
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM
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Laying Trail Sucks. Literally.
Hashed 16 June 2008, 7PM
Lottie’s (Dottie, We Likes to Party)
By The Enema Canal
Chicago Cum-Times
CHICAGO #1549 – Just ask GIDDY UP. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything she’s ever experienced, she discovers that her co-hare, VIRTUALLY HUNG, is a vampire. And Surprise! Now she’s one too. For some hares, the whole running-and-drinking thing would have been a deal breaker. But VIRTUAL and GIDDY UP are hashers, and they vow to work through their Checks.
But word has it that the hare who initially laid trail wasn’t supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, VIRTUAL’s erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a red-haired Austin call girl named (duh) BRRR! And that really sucks.
If you recently picked up the literary gem “You Suck” by Christopher Moore, not only did you have an instant savings of $3.49 from Borders but THE ENEMA CANAL now has your book for safe keeping since the staff at 1925 W. Cortland will watch your bags but they are not keeping a library.
With the weather getting warmer one has to wonder if Hashers actually have some legal form of employment because the number of hashers showing up for Monday night is getting to the point where we are taking over the bars. “Now seating party of 40!” There are always your familiar faces like CUMS ON I LEAN, HORN-E, and JUST I LEAN. And there are the less than frequent like INTERNATIONAL VIRGIN, UP LOADER, MOLDY MAN SAC and JUST AMANDA. But now we are getting people we ran out of town like PRICK OF THE LITTER who lives down in Nashville town. It doesn’t matter as long as everyone pays their Hash Cash and makes an attempt to get lost (which is why you pay first.)
We also had a high number of virgins, 7 total (Mohammed has 4 and 20 virgins [with comments like this I’m going on the naughty list like Salman Rushdie]). JUSTs RENI, MANDY, MARTHA, EVA, ANDREA, EMILY, and JENNA for one reason or another showed up with probably not the slightest idea of what was to happen. Of course they should be okay as VIRTUAL’s explanation of Hash Marks is always easy to understand. I still believe that DR. FUCKS A LOT from Buffalo (He didn’t go to 4 years of fucking medical school to be called “mister”) was still confused how we did things here. We introduced ourselves to the virgins while TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS tried to blend in with them. And then we dispersed like a flash mob hopped up on caffeine.
The day that JUST JOHN was introduced to hashing, the FRBs must have taught him all the wrong things ass he was passing up THE PORCELAIN GOD and CROP DUSTER on the trail. Meanwhile JUST AMY was busy chatting about awesome yoga stretches with her virgin. W’ALL BANGHER was looking very determined to be one of the front runners as she was prepared with her blue knee pads. As for CHICKEN STIFFER and HORN-E, if past experiences serve me well, they were probably far off trail hoping to find a short cut.
The hares, whom still suck, were particularly mean today as they circle jerked and zig-zagged the trail back and forth. LIFA enjoys these trails while R-TARD-E is just trying to be the DFL, again and again and again. Which brings us to our non-descript beer stop which at least one hasher almost ran right by. ENEMA played a cruel joke on HORN-E by handing him an empty beer (acceptable hash behavior) to which HORN-E replied by opening his slightly shaken beer into ENEMA’s ear (also acceptable). CUMS ON I LEAN somehow beat all the other bimbos and was actually the FBI to the beer stop which means that all the others should be ashamed on themselves to losing to a “ Walker ” (Not that this is competitive by any means.)
So let’s fast forward to the On-In. Multiple hashers decided to harass our waitress with food orders thereby preventing the free flow of beer, shame on all of you involved especially JUST ALEXIS who should feed her tapeworm before she leaves the house. Amazingly a lot of NRB showed up to include MOUNT SCHWIINGA , TOO MUCH HEAD, WRAPPER SNATCHER, SALTY GASH, JUST CLAIRE, and I LIKE DICK (who oddly enough was behaving). BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED and CUMS ON I LEAN were of immense help keeping vessels wet with the good stuff as the very noisy circle was going on, exhausting the Apprentice RAs repertoire of songs. Speaking of songs, we all learned it is hard to say “THE GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER has two but very small” fast enough to get to the next line.
HARES (2.5): Giddy Up, Virtually Hung, Giddy Up’s Driver
VIRGINS (7): Just Reni, Just Emily, Just Mandy, Just Martha, Just Eva, Just Andrea, Just Jenna
VISITORS (3): Dr. Fucks a Lot (Buffalo), Prick of the Litter (Nashville), BRRR (Austin)
HASHERS [with almost half being NRBs] (39): Two Tickets to a Pair of Thighs, The Great Lockness Cockster, Its Too Soft, Chicken Stiffer, Horn-E, 867-5309, Too Much Head, Wrapper Snatcher, The Porecelain God, Sit-n-pee? (Just Ed), The Enema Canal, UpLoader, Salty Gash, EZ on the Ass, Likes it on the Bottom, R-Tard-E, W’all Bangher, Batteries not Included, Cums on I Lean, Just I Lean, Mouthful of Meat, Just Alexis, Just Claire, Just Nettie, Mount Schwiiinga, Just John, More Tail, Moldy Man Sac, I Like Dick, Just Amy, Mudsucker, Sir Poops a Lot, International Virgin, Crop Duster, Risky Business, Just Brett, Just Amanda, and Lifa
TOTAL: 52 Peeps
LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Hashers are placed in alphabetical order by favorite movie.
Favorite movie of Two Tickets is: Annie
Favorite movie of Lifa is: Waterworld
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Hare(s): Giddy Up & Virtually Hung
Venue: Lottie’s Pub – 1925 W. Cortland Ave.
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $8 despite losing lotsa $$ betting on Big Brown’s spectacular Triple Crown flameout at the Belmont Stakes.
Hollywood glitterati welcomes the new comedy team of Virtual and Giddy Up as they combine forces for a trail we kit up for outside the Green Zone in the Eastern Kandahar Province. Max out on grenades & ammo cuz this one’s probably going to get "hot".
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From the Lincoln Park/Lakeview "Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton, Brown Line to Armitage, pause briefly to gaze at the Lincoln Park Trixies and Chads before boarding the Armitage #73 bus to Winchester, hoof it a couple blocks South to Cortland. Da bar iz @ Cortland & Winchester a block from where Flash used to live. If you get to Damen you spaced out and missed the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, walk northernly about a quarter of a mile, then east on Cortland one block. Lottie’s Pub is on the southwest corner.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and schlep your sled to Armitage and Damen and find a place to park. Lottie’s is one block south of Armitage and one block east of Damen. Parking is a pain despite being this far outside of the Green Zone, but usually available.
