Tale of the Trail – Chicago #1541 4.21.08 @ Bridgeport Inn & Casa de Cum On Just I Lean
Here's a pic of some of the pack expressing their "appreciation" for the infamous "You've Just Been R Tard E'd check back 54" with lots of one-finger salutes. CHECK BACK 54?!?!? People have gotten their asses kicked for less than that. More Fujirazzi pix are now up on the website.
Hash Trash: 4/20/08
Hares: Cums On I Lean, R-Tard-E
Venue: Bridgeport Inn --> Chez I Lean
VIRGINS: Just Jody
VISITORS:
HASHER- Chicken Stiffer, Just I Lean, Cuma Slutra, Just Brian, Its Too Soft, Just Steve, KGB, The Enema Canal, Just Tim, Super Stuffer, Horn-E, Rotten Whore, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Giddy Up, Just Rob, Lifa, Bloody Thighs, Wrapper Snatcher, Happy Ass Grabber, Stab’em and Slab’em, MudSucker, Are They Real, EZ On The Ass, Just Joan, Chip-n-Dale
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS= 0
TOTAL HASHERS= 30
It’s not often the pack leaves the relative safety of the “Green Zone,” but with the change of weather it was decided to make our presence known in the SouthSide province of Bridgeport. Scouting out our trail was none other than R-TARD-E and CUMS ON I LEAN. At the chalk talk, we were told that this would be no ordinary trail as we would have not only the choice of ”Eagle” or “Turkey” but would also be presented with an “Option A” and an “Option B.” As usual, the trail began across the street and the pack was off with CHIP-N-DALE leading the way.
Crossing under the I-55 Stevie we came upon our first indication that this was indeed going to be an interesting trail. With an arrow pointing into a fenced-in yard, THE ENEMA CANAL took one look at the building and opened the gate and crossed the yard with WRAPPER SNATCHER, JUST JODY, and HAPPY ASS GRABBER right behind. Unfortunately the other gate was locked and the owner (squatter) came out looking at us all perplexed as we exited the yard.
While HAPPY ASS GRABBER was busy scaling the fence, JUST BRIAN and EZ ON THE ASS were already up the stairs and leading the pack along the railway. It wasn’t until the entire pack was already up on the tracks that we realized that we had fallen for a false trail. After some time, the pack picked up on the trail and began to lead us south of Archer Ave. After some time we came upon the Beer Stop only to find that our Hares were late. As we stood there plotting mutiny, R-TARD-E, CUMS ON I LEAN, and SUPER STUFFER showed up with our long awaited beer.
We have no idea how we ended up on the Eagle but after about 10 minutes we came upon a Back Check 54! Dumbfounded some of the pack like JUST TIM, GIDDY UP and STAB’EM AND SLAB’EM posed for one finger salutes while CHICKEN STIFFER was off looking for a shortcut. Arriving back at the Beer Stop, the pack led by CHIP-N-DALE and our virgin JUST JODY was busy getting to “Option A” and “Option B.” They took “Option A” which pissed off one of the nicest ladies we ever met hashing. She and CALVIN KLEIN engaged in metaphysical conversation while the rest of us decided to go with “Option B.”
At the On-In at Chez Cums on I Lean we enjoyed chips and smores prior to holding the circle. JUST JOAN showed up out of nowhere and BELLA the Malti-Lick-Poo (It’s a Maltese/Hasher/ Poodle mix) made a return appearance. Hash Hymnals were passed around and JUST BRIAN received his whistle for his 10th CH3 run. Our DFL was ARE THEY REAL after arriving when the circle was already halfway done. For his disruptive behavior, HAPPY ASS GRABBER was made an example of, forced to assume the position. LIFA was asked in his infinite experience to demonstrate Down Downs for our virgin. Certain members of the pack were unaccounted for but EZ ON THE ASS and MUD SUCKER are sure to show once again. After the closing of the circle many of us went to preview the site of next hash which we have been assured will be ready for the opening ceremonies, just like in Beijing.
THE ENEMA CANAL
Freelance Hasher
________
Hare(s): R Tard E & Cums on I Lean
Venue: Bridgeport Inn - 2901 S. Archer Ave. @ Loomis (New Hash Bar!!!)
Hash Cash: Only $8 despite a global spike in grain prices driven by a combination of demand for biofuels and a shift in developing markets towards increased meat consumption.
Join us in the South Side as the hash explores a new bar in scenic Bridgeport. Sox are in Tampa Bay so there shouldn't be any traffic/parking issues. Liquor Store Weather Cat says Sunny & 63 degrees!
Update 4/18 - Despite this morning's Magnitude 5.2 earthquake - "Big One of 2008", CH3 Mismanagement would like to assure everyone that Sunday's hash will proceed as scheduled presuming the fires are put out and power is restored by ComEd South of 26th St.
Who knows with all the looting we may be able to score some 30 packs of Carling Black Label for the beer check! Speaking of which, canned goods (Miller, Bud, Old Style, Blatz, etc) will be collected at Sunday's hash for disaster relief.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview "The Green Zone": Red Line to Fullerton. Brown Line to anywhere ini the Loop and transfer to Orange Line Midway (doesn't matter which station b/c they run opposite directions and enter/exit on opposite ends so you will have to do the whole Loop one way or the other). Orange Line to Halsted, hoof it about 1/2 mile SW on Archer to Loomis. Loo-o-phobic Bus-o-philes can also take Halsted 8 down to Archer, given three track and slow zone L construction this may be the safer bet.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Clark/Lake. Orange Line to Halsted, hoof it about 1/2 mile SW on Archer to Loomis. Bus-o-philes can also catch the Halsted 8 off the Milwaukee/Grand Blue Line stop to Archer.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to the corner of Archer & Loomis. Best expressway option is Stevenson to Damen and the go NE on Damen to Loomis. I believe this area is mainly industrial so it should be relatively desolate on a Sunday and parking should be as common of a sight as the Sunday Morning "Walk of Shame" is in Lincoln Park.
If you hare allergic to expressways you can also shoot down Halsted to Archer and hoof it half mile to Loomis.