Tale of the Trail 2.24.08 – Chicago #1533 @ Nick’s Pub – Academy Awards Hash / 30th Anniversary
Hash Trash: 2/24/08
Hares: Peterbilt
Venue: Nick’s Bar
VIRGINS: Just Charlie, Just Tara
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Just I LEAN, Lifa, Just Rob, Stab’em and Slab’em, Bloody Thighs, Frosted Discharge, Just Steve, Mount Me Puh’lzee, KGB, Locheness Cockster, Two Tickets too a Pair Thighs, coffee, Tea, or me, Salty Gash, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Mud Sucker, Baby Coffee
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 31.5
This hash was billed as the PETERBILT 30th Anniversary of Hashing of Feb. 24, 2008. Peterbilt gets much thanks for this hash because afterwards you could only hear the gently movement of hashers jaws gnawing on a fine buffet feast provided by PB of the CH3 hash. PB showed up about 20 minutes late but this seemed to work for HORN-E because he also arrived late to the hash today or if you look at it from another way he arrived right on time.
PB ran his quick circle and gave our virgins some quick hints on how to follow trail maybe JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA got it but we soon would find out on trail. The trail ran quickly across the railroad tracks and MILK MY YAK, COFFEE, TEA, or ME, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS who were pushing baby COFFEE in her buggy followed the pack. The pack was soon lost after a check in a park. VIRTUALLY HUNG went east and TWO TICKETS ranged southwest, but finally MUDSUCKER found the true trail cumming back on itself. The trail ran along the tracks from there and then went south.
It looked like JUST PAT was up front today splashing through puddles and slipping on the ice to get there. WRAPPER SNATCHER looks like she is finally getting used to the cold weather we have here in Chicago or maybe she was just happy that the weather was sunny and 45 degrees today. After a back check the GREAT LOCHNESS COCKSTER found true trail again going east. The pack again came to another one PB’s fifty checks on trail and very soon we had two harriers calling ON ON so I stopped the pack and told them to wait until one of them found the false trail mark which JUST BRIAN did. LIFA this time made the correct choice and was on along with JUST ROB who was in tow. Next, guess what the pack found on trail another check!!
This time the VIRTUALLY HUNG and I found trail crossing back over the train tracks and going NW. VIRTUALLY HUNG was even smart enough to bypass a blatant back check nice going young man. The trail ran into PARK RIDGE and the famous PICK WICK theatre area. Here the trail went down Dempster and then north to what was supposedly a BN sign but it took BLOODY THIGHS and STAB’EM and SLAB’EM, the brains or the outfit, to notice it really was B 11 or back check eleven. We picked up trail again and seemed to be moving back towards the bar. JUST PAT found true trail going along the tracks and we were back at the bar but not before we ran into JUST STEF and JUST I LEAN walking down the trail.
Back at the bar everyone was antsy to get the circle rolling and eat PB’s food and nuts. MUDSUCKER was seen hovering around the food all circle long. CALVIN called him into the circle for that. TWO TICKETS and VIRTUALLY HUNG were our FRB’s today for finding most of the trail. ITS TOO SOFT got his down-down for saying hash ball was MARCH 10th on the hareline. KGB and FROSTED DISCHARGE were naturally called in for missing in action over 2 months.
SALTY GASH and PACKHER ASS along with BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED were constantly giggling and talking in the corner of the bar. So they had to drink. CALVIN introduced our virgins JUST CHARLIE and JUST TARA to the hash and informed them what a down-down was. JUST STEVE, one of our newer hashers better buy some hash attire soon or he will be called out for no hash attire. All through the circle PB kept us a countdown until the food was ready. We heard 28.3 minutes, quarter of an hour, and then finally the food was ready so
CALVIN quickly sang swing low and the circle was closed. The next 30 minutes saw unbridled gnawing on food by the hash until no one could eat anymore. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK AT THE HASH BALL
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
Hare(s): Peterbuilt
Venue: Nick’s Pub – 6689 N. Oliphant Ave
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $6 and lots of good ole-fashioned Peterbuilt FOOD despite Toshiba’s recent conceding that Blu-ray has won the latest video format war. This week the hash will also be accepting copies of Ishtar on HD-DVD for hash cash. Well, that and a buck will get you a cup of coffee.
so it has come to this……there seems to be a difference of opinion as to the when and how and where and by whommmm the 30th anniversry celebration will happen etc. well if y’allses would listen to a little common sense, maybe we can all play together like good little hash boys and girls…..i have done some careful researchin’ & cipherin’ ….. and i am gonna take control of the entire sityiation…..it seems that sunday, 2/24/2008 is the 30th. anniversary of 2/24/1978.
so to celebrate, i’m gonna make lay on that day in beautiful downtown edison park startin’ out at nick’s pub on oliphant street (roughly 7500 west) just off of n.w. highway and just around the corner from the edison park metra station………..per usual, you hound wannabe’s will be inflicted with a whole lotta bad beer, bad food, and bad runnin…
the usual overdose of bad beer, bad food, and bad trail will be happily dibursed to those who are brave, courageous, and bold enough to work their way over in that direction.
on peter on bilt
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Review from TimeOut Chicago: Nick’s Pub – You can’t judge a bar by its chipped glass brick veneer. Inside what seems like a total dive, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find a clean, well-lit and friendly place. The barkeep in cowgirl getup recently was kind enough to call the wife of a regular from Derry, Ireland to come scoop up her sauced old man. Rows or aged look-alikes in flannel shirts huddle around Old Styles, while younger dudes play video games and foosball. Choose from the usual drafts or go for the damn fine Bloody Mary.
DID WE MENTION THERE WILL BE THE USUAL BOUNTIFUL SPREAD OF PETERBUILT’S KITCHEN CREATIONS SO DON’T BOTHER EATING LUNCH OR DINNER THAT DAY!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Foster. Foster #92 bus West to Jefferson Park Blue Line station. Northwest Hwy #68 (runs every 20 mins from Jeff Park 00 20 40) bus Northwest to bar. Little or no hoof-age required.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jefferson Park. Northwest Hwy #68 (runs every 20 mins from Jeff Park 00 20 40) bus Northwest to bar. Bus pretty much schleps you right to da bar.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to the corner of Oliphant and Northwest highway. I would take Kennedy Expy outbound to Harlem, North on Harlem to NW Hwy and then left (NW) to Oliphant. Parking should be ample.
To say there was some autohashing on this trail is a great understatement. Fujirazzi pix or on the website bar to the left.
Tale of the Trail 2.17.09 – Chicago #1532 @ Kelly’s Pub – Post Valentine’s Day Massacre / Daytona 500 Hash
Hash Trash: 2/17/08
Hares: Calvin Klein and Batteries Not Included
Venue: Kelly’s Pub
Here’ a pic of some of the pack on trail at the site of the actual St. Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929 – 2122 N. Clark St. Unfortunately, the site of my first hash (Clark’s Bar) nearby, is now closed. New! View the trail on mapmyrun.com via Fuji’s GPS tracker.
VIRGINS: Just Steve
VISITORS:
HASHER- Horn-e, R-Tard-E, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Wrapper Snatcher, Ez on the Ass, Just Tom, Packher Arse, Just Stef, Mount Schwiiinga, Flying Hooters, Virtually Hung, Cumma Slutcha, Just Brian, Just Pat, Its Too Soft, Milk My Yak, Barks on all Fours, Rotten Whore, Peterbilt, Just I LEAN, Are they Real
VIRGINS= 1
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 29
JUST TOM at the beer stop seemed to help EZ get the bartenders phone number she must have been blind. The pack was soon out of the bar and back at Kelly’s Pub where they ran into ROTTEN WHORE, PETERBILT, MILK MY YAK, and BARKS ON ALL FOURS. CALVIN soon got the circle going and called MOUNT SCHWIIIGA into the circle for wearing pink boots!! The Hash welcomed JUST STEVE into the CH3 family as well today. Hopefully we will see him back next week. CUMMA SLUTCHA was called into the circle for her constant chatter along with WRAPPER SNATCHER whose teeth were chattering from the cold. HORN-E was back in the corner with a hidden stash of beer along with SLUTCHA. CALVIN took mercy on us and ran a shorter than usual circle because we were outside and it was a little chilly out. We got back into the bar and got warm watching the Daytona 500. Soon the circle was reconvened and we had a naming to take care of. Several older hashers got together up front and discussed JUST MOLLY’s name. Eventually ROTTEN WHORE suggested GIDDY UP and now we have a name for JUST MOLLY. Welcome to the hash GIDDY-UP!!
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
_____
Hare(s): Calvin Klein & Batteries Not Included
Venue: Kelly’s Pub – 949 W. Webster (Webster & Sheffield)
Hash Cash: Still only a mere $6 as the hash was able to avoid disaster by liquidating our overweight position in Societe Generale in early Q4 2007.
The "Super Bowl" of NASCAR, the Daytona 500 green flags at 1pm so the race will be running whilst the hash is running too. This will be of interest to hash rednecks like Fuji but probably nobody else.
Weather forecast is high of 32 and possibly some pretty serious snow so this should be especially fun!
The CH3 is also pleased to announce the appointment of "Just Jerome" (Kerviel) to the position of CH3 Hash Cash. Just Jerome will be joining CH3 Mismanagement once he clears up a few "minor legal issues" back home in Paris.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Fullerton, hoof it two blocks South to Webster, Kelly’s is right next to the L tracks, like Party Central, except much closer.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to California, hoof it a block and half North to Fullerton, take the Fullerton #74 bus East to Sheffield, hoof it two blocks South to Webster, Kelly’s is right next to the L tracks.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie whilst dodging Chicago’s ever-increasing supply of potholes and cruise to the intersection of Sheffield and Webster. Look for whatever parking you can find tho not much is good around there. Side streets are Zone 143 Permit after 6pm.
Those of you who missed the hash on Sunday missed 50-degree weather and very little rain. CALVIN and BATTERIES laid a live trail due to the possible rain showers, which never really materialized. The hash started from the fine Kelly’s Pub at 2:30 pm I explained the hash marks to our virgins and JUST STEVE seemed to understand the marks. After the quick explanation the hash was off. The trail went west and EZ ON THE ASS was finding and jumping into every puddle on trail. JUST I LEAN also was having fun on trail playing monkey boy. He was climbing up and over every fence and pole he could find. It was cute to see R-TARD- E and JUST STEF arm in arm walking the trail. Maybe we have a new hash couple? VIRTUALLY HUNG was the outright FRB today with ITS TOO SOFT snapping pictures to prove it. We welcomed back the WRAPPER SNATCHER who has made Chicago her home. PACKhER ARSE also came out to run today and she seemed to be finding trail easily today. The trail ran by the 2122 N. Clark address where the Valentines Day Massacre occurred and eventually wound up at O-Malleys for the beer stop.
Chicago #1531 Sunday 2/10, 2pm @ Tito’s – Chinese New Year Hash
Note found at venue a pair of dark blue Nike warm-up pants, mens large.
For the second week in a row, yet again CH3 Mismanagement is the victim of random smooching. Seriously people, this has to stop or our bad reputations will be permanently ruined.
Trail went right next to a Chicago Police Department station. This did not go un-noticed either. Virtually Hung is my name and Russian Roulette is my game.
Hey, you dirty rats…. It`s 4706!!! Come celebrate – - – The Year of the Rat a The Fifth Annual a Chinese New Year Hash, starting @ 2pm following the parade (@12:30pm). Click here for event flyer.
We have an all-star haring crew this year with Ballsalotapus, Virtually Hung, Cum In My A$$fault (the only true ethnic celebrant) and the addition of It’s Too Soft (yeah, we know he’s like the biggest East Coast, Ivy Leage, Protestant WASP in the Upper Midwest, but he also technically Asian by ethnicity).
Hash Cash: Only $8 includes lotsa authentic Chinese Food at the on-in as the Chinese govermnemt’s ongoing refusal to let the Yuan float against the dollar ensures a continued stream of cheep Chinese stuff flooding across our borders.
Media coverage for CH3 Chinese New Year Hash courtesy of $0.69 Man
Time Out Chicago: Feb. 7-13, 2008, p. 118. Includes photo taken last year at the Chinatown Mosaic. Same photo that appeared last year in the Geezerjock article.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Chinatown/Cermak, hoof it like three blocks straight South down Wentworth to 26th and the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Jackson, switch to Red Line to Chinatown/Cermak, hoof it hoof it like three blocks straight South down Wentworth to 26th and the bar.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie thus further depleting the Earth’s limited supply of fossil fuels and cruise to 26th & Wentworth. The exit off of the Stevenson would be State St and it comes rather quickly and all of a sudden. Make a left at the first stop light, admire the housing project across the street, and head south to 26th St until you hit Wentworth.
First Annual Chinese New Year Pre-Lube Party – Saturday 2/9, 8pm @ Party Central
Hare(s): It’s Too Soft a.k.a. Fuji
Venue: Party Central – 933 W. Wolfram, Penthouse (Just East of Sheffield and the L)
Hash Cash: None as this is a party, not a hash, but contributions to the event of additional beer are always appreciated
The CH3 is pleased to announce that we are kicking off Chinese Lunar New Year Celebrations with the First Annual Chinese New Year Hash Pre-Lube Party! In keeping with almost five thousand years of ancient Chinese tradition we will be "sampling" traditional Chinese New Years beers such as Miller Lite, Genuine Draft and Blatz as well as get a taste of authentic Chinese cuisine straight from the Inner Provinces, including Tombstone Pizza Bites, California Pizza Kitchen Hawaiin Pizza, Dole Fruit Cocktail, Kraft Cheese Cubes and Wisconsin Summer Sausage.
Well, okay it’s not quite authentic Chinese fare, actually we had a super bowl party last week and have plenty of leftover beer and unopened packaged foodstuffs, so come join the CH3 as we ring in the year of the Rat – 4706. Real Chinese food will however be served at Sunday’s hash so bring eight bucks on Sunday and come hungry.
When entering, please come up the back stairs. Feel free to bring more beer to help the cause.
Later on we’ll probably migrate to one Lincoln Park’s many cool watering holes depending on what folks are up to. Questions/directions call the instigator of this trouble @ 312-925-6386.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, hoof it four blocks South to Wolfrman and 1/2 Block East on Wolfram to Party Central. If you’re lazy or bringing something heavy (like a 30-pack of Old Style) you can take the Brown Line to Wellington and then walk two blocks South on Sheffield to Wolfram, but it will take longer.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Logan Square, take the Diversey #76 bus East to Sheffield, the hoof it a block North to Wolfram.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Wolfram & Sheffield. After 9pm you can hop on the meters on Diversey and Sheffield although those fill fast. Side streets are all zone so best bet is going further South down Sheffield or West on Diversey.
Disclaimer: The Chicago HHH assumes no liability whatsoever for any adverse consequeces of attending this event, including but not limited to hangovers, unintended pregnancies, animal bites, nauseau, unusual bowel movements, contracting sexually-tranmitted diseases or experiencing the sudden urge to watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back.
Tale of the Trail 2.3.08 – Chicago #1530 @ The Union – Super Bowl Sunday Hash
Hash Trash: 2/3/08
Hares: Just Stephanie, Just I LEAN & Just Tyrone
Venue: The Union and Super Bowl Party
VIRGINS:
VISITORS: 3 Ring Cervix, Token Sucker, Port a Pussy
HASHERS- Horn-e, Mouthful of Meat, Super Stuffer, R-Tard-E, Uploader, Just Rob, Just Tyrone, Just Molly, Just Pat, Chicken Stiffer, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Lifa, Magnetic Muff, Just Seri, Wrapper Snatcher
VIRGINS= 0
VISTORS=3
TOTAL HASHERS= 21
Today the GM had a snow day so I took care of some business downtown, and on the El I ran into HOT PANTS. He seems to be doing well and hopefully will be at the hash on Thursday. This past Sunday we saw JUST I LEAN and JUST STEPHANIE on her 2nd hash actually hare. The trail was tough to lay due to the very wet conditions and heavy foot traffic. Even the colored marks were being removed by the heavy foot traffic but the pack prevailed and found the beer stop.
3 RING CERVIX was near the front of the trail most of the time and many of the male hashers liked to watch that hot assed harrierette up there. LIFA seemed to play the part of the good wise old father guiding the pack towards its destination. UPLOADER ran like this shit was nothing due to the fact he has seen more snow in the past year then we have for the last four, damn Madison transplant. 3 RING CERVIX was all worried like an expectant mom when her two little babies on trail TOKEN SUCKER and WRAPPER SNATCHER didn’t make it to the beer stop on time.
It seems that JUST TYRONE had to use his GPS navigation system to find the beer!! The trail seriously was wet and good, and people with small brain cells like JUST ROB and HORN-E ran it in their shorts? Not only were they cold but also their legs must have been soaked? Overall we had a great time out there with all hashers accounted for and then we made it back to the bar and eventual ITS TOO SOFTS place to watch the SUPER BOWL with 98 million of our closet friends, and who said football is dumb? WE did make it back to the bar and TJ the owner of the bar had $5 pitchers waiting for us. CALVIN and BATTERIES were too tired to run after playing kickball in the morning with 10 other hashers?!?!?!
When we got back to the bar CALVIN did his thing in the circle and called out those non-running people like PUSSY PATROL and JUST SERI for their laziness. WE also had a small titty war between BATTRIES and our visitors from SAN DIEGO. SUPER STUFFER was the only one who voted this night, don’t worry folks you will have your chance next week to vote.
WE also had 10 people sign up for the Hash Ball so get your money in before the price goes up this weekend. MAGNETIC MUFF for some reason never got the nerve to do a naked run today although I’m sure she would have found some takers? Mercifully CALVIN ended the circle so the hash could retire to the PARTY CENTRAL to watch the game.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
__________________________
Our friend TJ is giving the hash $5 domestic draft pitchers until just before kickoff when the bar’s usual Super Bowl package kicks in which should give us plenty of dinking time before the game. For those who have never been, this is not some obscure dive bar near City Limits but a mainstream Big Ten classic in the heart of Lincoln Park/Lakeview.
SUPER BOWL XLII will be 5:30 that evening after the hash so currently no plans to change the start time of hash as of yet and the NSA’s Echelon network has picked up several intercepts in the Middle East about a possible Super Bowl party after the hash.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Belmont, hoof it three blocks South to George and two blocks East to Halsted or take Halsted 8 bus to the bar from wherever you’re at.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Belmont, take the Belmont #77 bus East to Halsted, hoof it four blocks South to the bar.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Halsted & George whist hastening the arrival of the day when farms around Chicago will abandon wheat, corn and soybeans in favor of date palms, pineapples and sugar cane. Of course the places that currently cultivate these crops will then be slightly cooler than the Equator of Mercury in the Summer.
Best bet is to find a meter on Halsted that you don’t have to feed on Sundays or hit the side streets, just be aware they’re all Zone 838 so you have to move your car by 6pm.
