State of the Chicago Hash Address
Monday, January 28, 2008
AP Newswire – Chicago, Illinois
By CH3 GM Chicken Stiffer
This year hashing in the Chicago Hash has been filled with fun and numerous new hashers. The Chicago Hash has experienced 55 hashes this year with 1,675 hashers running or an average of 30.5 hashers showing up per hash. I guess Mouthful of Meat showed up a lot to count for that half-hasher? Data for hash attendance and counts can be found in the yahoo group file section and I’m sure Its Too Soft will work it into the CH3 website. Peterbilt said back in December that he believed this is the largest he has seen the Chicago Hash in years, so I will take his word for it. Many thanks goes out to those that came out to hash and more thanks go out to all of those that laid trail and hared. Remember no trail, but 40 hashers equals no fun and no hash so please take the opportunity to e-mail Batteries and Mouthful of Meat and tell them you want to hare and they will hook you up with a date!!
I would like to take this opportunity to thank our Mismanagement team Calvin Klein-RA, Batteries Not Included & Mouthful of Meat-Hare Razrs, Its Too Soft- Web Dude, Mount Schwiiinga- Haberdashery, and Peterbilt- Phone dude. Without your help and dedication the hash would not run as smoothly as it does. I hope to see some new hashers this year begin to take steps in leadership positions so the future will look bright for the CH3.
Currently the Chicago hash has about $800 in Hash cash plus $400 in Haberdashery. This past summer the CH3 suspended collecting the $1 per hasher hash tax. Receipts from haberdashery sales seem to be taking the place of collecting the hash tax each hash. This means more beer and in the past several months I have been using some of our cash reserves to pay for extra beer or food at hashes. We will schedule a mismanagement meeting in February to discuss the CH3 budget this year.
Last year the hash, as always, started of slow in January 2007 with a heartbreaking Bears loss. We rebounded nicely with the Chinese New Year Hash in February led by Ballsalotpus and some new Sin City visitors that stole the Smell This dragonhead. March saw our annual Hash Ball with the re-election of me as your GM. Spring saw an unusually higher number of people hashing in the CH3, which foreshadowed the hashes of summer. May saw our traditional Polish Constitution Day Hash run by 69-cent man and the Virgin Banger, Renta Virgin, Calvin, Peterbilt and Smell This Memorial Day hash with over 70 Hashers in attendance. This kicked off our summer well and it seems that many hashers really like these themed hashes so if anyone else has an idea for a themed hash we will support you.
This Summer Chicago experienced its 1500 Hash and 104 people came out to run from Buckingham Fountain to Weeds. Much fun was had and beer was drunk, but Boner didnn’t get laid? Four lady hashers cornered me at the 1500, unlike Boner, and they informed me that they were going to run POP (Power of the Pussy) hash in mid-October. Likes it on the Bottom, Packher Ass, Salty Gash, Mount Schwiiinga, and Ass up for grabs kept the POP tradition running with 65 hashers showing up for their event in October. Halloween saw the costume hash that Bloody Thighs has set for years and oh my God! we saw two Horn-es this day? The year in hashing ended with a great weekend called the Anthrax Hash, which had 114 hashers (new record) participate. Again many thanks go out to those that hashed and helped out running these hashes.
This past year the goal of the Chicago Hash was to get hashers to visit more kennels both locally and across the country. Twenty hashers went down to St. Louis for Green Dress and another ten went to Indy Prom Dress. The Cubs and the Chicago Hash invaded Sin City over the summer. Numerous Chicago Hashers went to Inter-hash in Mexico where Boner was almost arrested, are we getting a theme here? We also visited places like Waukesha, Madison, and DC this year. It will be a goal of this GM to continue these good relations with our neighboring hashes and if any Chicago Hasher will be in INDY, Madison, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Waukesha or Grand Rapids please let me know so I can help you connect with the GM of the respective hash so you can hash!! Even if you cannot get out of town there are plenty of other hashes in the city of Chicago other than the Chicago Hash that you can try. Some specialize in shiggy hashing and others run on certain days of month but all are worthy of running once or twice.
This year we have many things to look forward to in our 30th year of hashing Feb. 10th is the Chinese New Year Hash, Hash Ball is March 1st, May 5th is Polish Day, and The Memorial Day Hash will be May 25. Early in the year Green Dress in St. Louis will hit us on March 15th and INDY prom dress will be May 17th these two events were a blast to visit last year. Sometime in May Waukesha will have their Red dress run as well. We will look forward to the POP running on July 12th or 19th and I have already told numerous hashes I have visited to save these two dates to experience hashing in Chicago during the summer. Will we see the return of the 10-innings of baseball pub-crawl before POP? We will try to make good use of the Its Too Soft’s roof deck once again, and sometime in Oct/Nov Chicago will have its 1569th hash hared by whom? Maybe we can manipulate the calendar to have this hash on Halloween weekend and let Bloody Thighs run it? Finally it looks like Anthrax weekend is on Dec. 20th of this year.
If anyone has a suggestion for a Chicago Hash event please bring your idea to the Chicago GM so it can be discussed at the Chicago Mismanagement Meeting held four times a year. One issue we have is due to the growing size of the Chicago Hash our hares cost have increased to $15-$20 each when there are two hares for our average hashes. We will have to discuss this problem at the next mismanagement meeting because some people do not wish to hare due to the high cost. We also have some new ideas to increase the CH3 membership and will discuss those at our next meeting. Hopefully we will see you at the Hash Ball on March 1st to celebrate the excellent year the Chicago Hash has just experienced. Rotten Whore seems to have hash ball in hand and I looking forward to Milk My Yak’s home brewed beer he is currently making for us.
Chicken Stiffer
CH3- GM
Additional Press Releases – 2007 CH Hash Run Attendance and Run Counts (Adobe PDF)
Tale of the Trail 1.27.08 – Chicago #1529 @ Joe’s on Weed (St.) Calvin & Just Rob’s Birthday Hash
Let it be known that the Calvin Klein’s birthday beer-stop-less death march all the way out to the former Casa De Smell This @ Wolcott & Division in Wicker Park will not go unnoticed but at least you can catch Just Jenny’s naming video (it was dark so more audio than anything else but still funny).
Hash Trash: 1/27/08
Hares: Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joes on Weed
VIRGINS: Just Rob, Just Stepanie, Just Taraneh
VISITORS:
HASHER- Just Rob, Just I LEAN, R-Tard-E, Super Stuffer, Chicken Stiffer, Dykey Old Hooker, Batteries not included, Mouthful of Meat, Mount Me Please, Just Balz, Horn-e, Frosted Discharge, Just Saud, Chip-n-dale, Its Too Soft, PackHer Ass, Mount Schwiiinga, KGB, Just Tyrone, Virgin Banger, Peterbilt, Just Jenn, Just Luke
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 28
The Birthday hash commenced on a fine spring day of 45-degrees? CALVIN KLEIN and JUST ROB explained the marks to our new virgins JUST STEPANIE, JUST TARANEH, and JUST ROB. The pack was in for a longer hash then usually even though CALVIN was hung over from the shots VIRGIN BANGER bought for him the night before. We welcomed back DYKEY OLD HOOKER from Florida and I hear that she is making Chicago a more permanent home, which is excellent news for the Chicago Hash. The chalk talk was over and the hash was off. JUST I LEAN and I went left on Kingsbury but the trail went right and I believe SUPER STUFFER was on. The trail wound around Old Navy and crossed North Avenue. JUST TYRONE stepped out into traffic playing the traffic cop for us and holding back the traffic.
R-TARD-E kept the virgins company at the end of the trail while the middle of the pack-running north Down Kingsbury was made of MOUTHFUL OF MEAT and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. JUST ROB II found trail going west on Armitage and the pack was soon across the river. The pack got to a check and I went left and CHIP-N-DALE followed me, why I do not know because I was not on because true trail cut right. BALZ was near the front of the pack at this time as well. The trail soon passed an accident at Armitage and Ashland so MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE felt compelled to play traffic cop and hand out tickets to the offender. CHIP-N-DALE and I were off after a check with JUST ROB in tow. JUST ROB and I found a check on Milwaukee Ave. He went west and I took off south down Milwaukee Ave. I found the marks near division and was off on trail. The trail crossed back over the river at Division and we were back to the bar.
Calvin soon had the circle going and had to punish himself and JUST ROB for a shitty trail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an RA punish themselves before. JUST ROB II was called in for the whitest legs at the hash but JUST TYRONE thought he had ROB beat. JUST SAUD, MOUNT ME, FROSTED DISCHARGE and KGB were our reboots and we do miss our missing in action hashers.
PETERBILT brought his roasted nuts and sat down for a cold one. PACKHER ASS got a chivalry down down for saving the GM’s faux pas for wearing his shirt inside out. ITS TOO SOFT drank all the beer as usual and shot a wad of film. SUPER STUFFER feigned sickness and had his woman drink his down-down for him. What a whimp! JUST BALZ decided to drink a full pitcher down-down; maybe we will call him “no suck all swallow”. MOUNT SCHWIINGA was unusually quiet today but our haberdashery artist was there along with our t-shirt God VIRGIN BANGER. Eventually CALVIN closed the circle and people went on their way.
A few hashers stayed behind like JUST JENN to talk and drink. We got to talking about the song “Jenny I’ve got your number”, and she informed us that she sometimes gave out the number 867-5309 as her own to unwanted guys at bars. The GM picked up on this along with the RA and HARERAZRS so we have now named JUST JENNY, 867-5309. See you next week and check out the hash counts on line for 2007.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
Well Calvin was too hungover from his birthday celebrations the previous Saturday night to add some colored carpenter’s chalk to the white flour he set trail with so guess what, white flour marks on white snow. Above is a picture from an actual mark on trail (red circle added so you can see the damn thing) this is what the pack had to contend with for like six miles of trail on Sunday!
Hare(s): Calvin Klein & Just Rob
Venue: Joe’s Bar – 940 W Weed St.
Hash Cash: Still only $6 despite the Hash taking a $2.4 billion writedown in the Fourth Quarter in our portfolio of subprime mortgage-backed securities thanks to an emergency hash cash infusion from a consortium of KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)-based sovereign wealth funds.
$6 pitchers and pizza, we’ll hang out in da back room. Can’t go wrong with that and we’ve never a bad time at Joe’s...
Come out and help celebrate the hares getting closer in age to Horn-E (on a percentage basis).
CTA Alert: If taking the L to the hash leave extra time as I noticed the Northbound Red Line is running on Track #4 (normally Track #3) meaning platform work is being done again at Fullerton & Belmont i.e. there will be delays so allow extra time for CTA 3-Track Construction. I almost missed my own hash last week due to this hoo ha.
Weather forecast is currently expected to be a relatively balmy (compared to last week’s Frostbite-stravaganza Ice Bowl hash) 33 degrees and we may see some of the Permafrost melting on trail or a polar bear or two passed out from heat stroke (not down downs)
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit 
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to North Clyborn, hoof it two blocks West to Fremont, a block South to Weed and a 1/2 block West to the bar.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Damen, hoof it a 1/2 block North to the North Ave #72 bus which runs about every 10 minutes that time of the day on Sundays to Sheffield, hoof it 1 block South on Sheffield to Weed and East on Weed to da bar.
Driving 
Hop into your hooptie whilst contributing to ongoing polar bear habitat decline as the Arctic ice sheets melt away and cruise to Weed St. between Sheffield & Fremont. Parking is usually kinda scarce on Weed by da bar but can usually be found to the South in the ‘hood like on Blackhawk or Eastman st.
but
Tale of the Trail 1.20.08 – Chicago #1528 @ The Spot – “Ice Bowl 2008/Packer Flameout” Hash
Hash Trash - Chicago #1528
By It’s Too Soft – Hare and Chicken Stiffer – GM
Sunday, January 20, 2007
Venue: The Spot – 4437 N. Broadway
Here’s a picture of our hare all decked out in full Packer regalia. That’s what working in Wisconsin for many years will get ya!
HASHERS- Just Rob, Just I LEAN, Just Jonathon, Super Stuffer, Magnetic Muff, Are They Real, Just Matt, Shave My Wife Please, Just Alex, Virtually Hung, Chicken Stiffer, Just Mike, Calvin Klein, Up Loader
VIRGINS= 0, VISTORS=0, TOTAL HASHERS= 16
The word for the day was bitter. Bitter cold (11 degrees ambient at chalk talk, negative double digits wind chill) and a heartbreaking Packer loss at Lambeau last Sunday. Just three hashes into the 2008 season It’s Too Soft is already front-runner in the race for Worst Trail of 2008 thus proving without a shadow of a doubt that even a weather-shortend trail can still be a very sh!tty trail. As my friend "The Mess" in the Hoosier H3 put it about this weekend’s weather, "Hashes are not cancelled for war or weather…"
All started off well for the hash as the bar, The Spot provided each hasher two free Bitburger beers and $2 drafts for the hash. After a fast chalk talk, the weather-impacted pack led by front runners Virtually Hung and Calvin Klein headed North up the alley behind the bar eventually found themselves in a classic Fuji figure eight centered around the intersection of Clarendon and Sheridan. At that point what could go wrong went wrong as Virtual, Just I Lean and pretty much the rest of the pack except for Calvin and Just Jonathan (probably pissed about the figure eight in subzero weather) started ranging and picked up the on-in trail by Weiss Memorial Hospital which became a defacto inadvertent Turkey/Eagle split where 3/4 of the pack shortcutted 1/3 of the trail in the park. However given the bone-chilling 15 below zero wind chills that day, for some odd reason many hashers didn’t seem to mind missing some trail.
Now the real trail went into Clarendon Park and under Lakeshore Drive at Montrose into Montrose Beach park and to the top of that huge mound where there was a check. A very nasty check as you pretty much had to run all around the base of the Mound find trail and now there were only three hashers to try and solve checks designed for the full pack. From there it went North to the parking lot by the skate park where there was another check which led back under Lakeshore Drive via Wilson Avenue, eventually heading West on Wilson to the Aragon Ballroom where there was a gratuitous check (mark but nowhere to go except continue on Wilson to Broadway where there was the last check in front of the Green Mill, and then back to the bar.
Once back at the bar, the hare was administered a veritable tsunami of down downs for what will likely be remembered as the Worst Trail of 2008 and probably cementing his lock on the 2007 Worst Trail award too as the aftershocks from this debacle spillover Katrina-like into the 2007 balloting.
The $2 drafts were Leinie’s Red in full pint glasses so special dispensation was granted for down downs so you only had to drink part of your pint. Runners included Super Stuff’her, Magnetic Muff, Uploader, Just Rob, as well as Are They Real who was the only smart person there and stayed in the bar instead of running extrememly cold crappy trail. We were later joined by GM Chicken Stiffer just back from some Cinci thing and Just Alex as well a few others.
After the hash crime down downs were administered the pack set to seeing how many pints we could consume before our special ended and I think we put away at least 40 in the last hour or so before the game. Just before game time Just Jonathan was named something I don’t recall and at the end of the game Calvin caught up on his beaty sleep as the Giants rallied to win it in OT over our Green Bay Packers. The ghost of Vince Lombardi is probably at this very moment repeatedly sticking a large hat pin into an It’s Too Soft voodoo doll because the amount of bad karma reeking into the upper atmosphere from Sunday’s trail probably rained down on Lambeau Field, contributing to the Packers loss later that day.
Now the Pack ain’t in it but still our thoughts turn to the big dance, Super Bowl XLII when will also have our annual Super Bowl hash, unlike the NFL we haven’t worked out yet where or by whom. Stay tuned as there’s talk of a post-hash Super Bowl commercial watching party which is likely to be frequently interrupted by a some sort of game involving very large men running into each other at unsafe velocities and among other things, a strange-looking ball about the size of your average house cat.
Despite the outcome of the game and Category Five bad trail earlier, the day was not a total loss as we now have a new hash bar where the owner and staff finds that hash very entertaining, in Uptown of all places called The Spot. Hells bells, one out of three ain’t so bad.
Party on on,
It’s Too Soft
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
Chicago HHH
_______
Addendum from on-in by Chicken Stiffer – GM
ITS TOO SOFT laid trail from the SPOT a Packer bar and he even got them to throw in two free beers for each hasher plus $2 pints until 4 pm?? That makes 5 x 16 = 60 ounces of beer per hasher today!!! Or one pitcher per hasher!!! Nice job with the bar!! I arrived late in from Cincy where I really saw true shaggy not like the flat lands of the Illinois woods but trails where you had to climb down 100 ft into a creek and climb ¼ mile thru a drainage ditch under I-75, Mt. Airy Forest is one hell of a place to have a hash. Because I arrived late I did not run trail but I heard that SUPER STUFFER was an overachiever today racing people up the Montrose Harbor Hill. It also sounds like JUST JONATHON may have circled around the bar and ran back in? Is this true? What ever happened it sounds like the pack had some fun on the traditional shitty trail laid by ITS TOO SOFT.
I got into the bar and CALVIN was running the circle but must have been drunk. He stared directly at our Madison transplant UPLOADER and asked him what his name was? If you know Madison H3 they all have blue Jackets with their hash names on their heart. Good job CALVIN!!! JUST ROB was not far behind in Donnie land by wearing his hat during his down down!!! JUST I LEAN was called out for competitive behavior because he was trying to trip fellow hashers to get into the lead? ARE THEY REAL stumbled all over the bar because she drank her 60 oz. of beer and proceeded to drink mine as well? MAGNETIC MUFF didn’t have her muffs so she drank and JUST MIKE learned never order food in a circle the RA will call you into the circle and the Pack will eat your food. VIRTUAL HUNG now has made two hashes in a row and is eagerly anticipating haring the CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH Feb. 10th.
Eventually the circle closed but was re-opened for a naming. After listening to various suggestions JUST JONATHON will be known as “R-TARD-E. Next week we will be at JOE’s on WEED for CALVIN’s birthday and JUST ROB’s birthday.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
_________________________
Hare(s): The Replacement Hare – It’s Too Soft
Venue: The Spot – 4437. N Broadway (Just North of Montrose and East of the Wilson Red Line Stop) NEW HASH BAR!!
Hash Cash: $6 or $5.69 in pre-1982 100% copper pennies
NOTE ON OUT WILL BE AT 2:15PM SHARP!
We have setup TWO FREE DRAFTS PER HASHER, then $2 domestic drafts and $4 import drafts for the hash from 2-4pm, and $3 Miller Lite bottles (buckets of five for $15 after that if you elect to stay for the game. Hash cash will buy domestic drafts until it runs out (the bar doesn’t have pitchers).
Because of the early specials window due to the game (as well as the cold weather), we will leave at 2:15 sharp!
Because the weather will be colder than Stalingrad on Sunday the trail will be mercifully short (the hare does not want to do it twice in 15 degree weather!) so we’ll be back at the bar very expeditiously.
This is a Green Bay Packer bar the place will fill up with Packer fans after the hash and those who stay for the game will have prime seats because we got there so early. A bunch of us were there last Saturday and it was the most fun place in Chicago to catch a Packer game, let alone the NFC Championship game. Kickoff is 5:30pm
As the dude who originally claimed this Sunday seems to have vanished and alot of the usual suspects are out of town, next in line down the Mismanagement food chain – It’s Too Soft will be pinch-haring for Chicago #1528 out of The Spot on Broadway in Uptown.
The New England Patriots kickoff @ the same time as the hash but rest assured we’ll be back in time to see the Chargers ousted from the playoffs like the Shah of Iran. Packers take the Giants to the shed after that in a game already being compared to the infamous Ice Bowl. And if you think that trail’s gonna be cold just look on the bright side – at least you’re not in Lambeau Field! Go Pack!
Desperate times call 4 desperate measures. Pls don’t quote me on dat…
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Wilson, hoof it a block or so East to Broadway and then Southeast on Broadway 3-1/2 blocks to the bar which is on the East side of Broadway.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Montrose, take the Montrose #78 Bus West to Broadway, bar is 1/2 block North on the East side of Broadway.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie while doing your part to transfer our sovereign wealth to countries that don’t particularly like us and cruise to the intersection of Broadway & Montrose. Parking is as plentiful as blaze orange will be at Lambeau Field on Sunday, but no guarantees your sled will be there when you get back as it is UPTOWN, not Lincoln Park.
The word for the day was bitter. Bitter cold (11 degrees ambient at chalk talk, negative double digits wind chill) and a heartbreaking Packer loss at Lambeau last Sunday. Just three hashes into the 2008 season It’s Too Soft is already front-runner in the race for for Worst Trail of 2008 thus proving without a shadow of a doubt that even a weather-shortend trail can still be a very sh!tty trail.
All started off well for the hash as the bar, The Spot provided each hasher two free Bitburger beers and $2 drafts for the hash. After a fast chalk talk, the weather-impacted pack led by front runners Virtually Hung and Calvin Klein headed North up the alley behind the bar eventually found themselves in a classic Fuji figure eight centered around the intersection of Clarendon and Sheridan. At that point what could go wrong went wrong as Virtual, Just I Lean and pretty much the rest of the pack except for Calvin and Just Jonathan (probably pissed about the figure eight ins subzero weather) started ranging and picked up the on-in trail by Weiss Memorial Hospital which became a defacto inadvertent Turkey/Eagle split where 3/4 of the pack shortcutted 1/3 of the trail in the park. However given the bone-chilling 20 below zero wind chills that day, for some odd reason many hashers didn’t seem to mind missing some trail.
Now the real trail went into Clarendon park and the under Lakeshore Drive at Montrose into Montrose Beach park and to the top of that huge mound where there was a check. A very nasty check as you pretty much had to run all around the base of the Mound find trail and now there were only three hashers to try and solve checks designed for the full pack. From there it went North to the parking lot by the skate park where there was another check which led back under Lakeshore Drive via Wilson Avenue, eventually heading West on Wilson to the Aragon Ballroom where there was a gratuitous check (mark but nowhere to go except continue on Wilson to Broadway where there was the last check in front of the Green Mill, and then back to the bar.
Once back at the bar, the hare was administered a veritable tsunami of down downs for what will likely be remembered as the Worst Trail of 2008 and probably cementing his lock on the 2007 Worst Trail award too as the aftershocks from this debacle spillover Katrina-like into the 2007 balloting.
The $2 drafts were Leinie’s Red in full pint glasses so special dispensation was granted for down downs so you only had to drink part of your pint. Runners included Super Stuff’her, Magnetic Muff, Uploader, Just Rob, as well as Are They Real who was the only smart person there and stayed in the bar instead of running extrememly cold crappy trail. We were later joined by GM Chicken Stiffer just back from some Cinci thing and Just Alex as well a few others.
After the hash crime down downs were administered the pack set to seeing how many pints we could consume before our special ended and I think we put away at least 50 in the last hour or so before the game. Just before game time Just Jonathan was named something I don’t recall and at the end of the game Calvin caught up on his beaty sleep as the Giants rallied to win it in OT over our Green Bay Packers. The ghost of Vince Lombardi is probably at this very moment repeatedly sticking a large hat pin into an It’s Too Soft voodoo doll because the amount of bad karma reeking into the upper atmosphere from Sunday’s trail probably rained down on Lambeau Field, contributing to the Packer’s loss later that day.
Now the Pack ain’t in it but still our thoughts turn to the big dance, Super Bowl XLII when will also have our annual Super Bowl hash, unlike the NFL we haven’t worked out yet where or by whom. Stay tuned as there’s talk of a post-hash Super Bowl commercial watching party which is likely to be frequently interrupted by a some sort of game involving very large men running into each other at unsafe velocities and among other things, a strange-looking ball.
Despite the outcome of the game and Category Five Bad Trail earlier, the day was not a total loss as we now have a new hash bar where the owner and staff finds that hash very entertaining, in Uptown of all places called The Spot. Heck, one ouf of three ain’t bad.
Party on on,
It’s Too Soft
Consigliere, Hash Flash, Web Dude and Chief Sarcasm Officer
Chicago HHH
Tale of the Trail 1.13.2008 Chicago #1527 @ Holiday Club
Above is our GM and co-hare Chicken Stuffer clowning around @ Holiday Club with Sugar Nipples and a local who only comes out when hashes are like two blocks from home (Nuttin’ B!tch).
Hash Trash: 1/13/08
Hares: Chicken Stiffer, Stupid man, Stab’em and Slab’em
Venue: Holiday Club
VIRGINS: Just Mike and Just Suse
VISITORS:
HASHER- Just Rob, Sugar Nipples, Just Rob II, Calvin Klein, Just Alex, Are they Real, Nuttin Bitch, Just I Lean, Its Too Soft, Bloody Thighs, Lifa, Horn-e, Virtually Hung, Special Ed Giver, Just Tyrone, Princess Labia,
VIRGINS= 2
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 21
The Weekend actually started off on SATURDAY when PETERBILT, SHAVE MY WIFE PLEASE, ITS TOO SOFT, JUST JESSICA, JUST LARRY, ARE THEY REAL, PACKhER ASS, JUST ALEX, BALLSALOTPUS, and I watched the Packers play in the snow bowl and beat the Seahawks after giving up 14 1st quarter points. WHAT A GAME!!
The GM laid the trail live from the Holiday Club. I planned the trail with STUPID MAN who was to be our sweeper today. I warned him about the first check because the trail bent back on itself about 170 degrees. I was told By JUST ROB and CALVIN that it was a good check and seemed to catch most of the pack unawares. From here the trail ran back towards Wrigley and Graceland Cemetery since I was the hare I do not have many stories but I do know JUST I LEAN and JUST ROB II were complaining about some circle jerk that happened on trail. They told me it really sucked to be out in front of people like LIFA but soon found themselves at the back of the pack? JUST TYRONE was the one who burst through the crack house fence only to see it snap back on JUST ROB sorry but you got to keep your cranium up!! I waited at the beer stop and soon the pack arrived with CALVIN and JUST ROB leading the pack in.
VIRTUALLY HUNG, earlier in the day, had ripped of the doorknob to his back gate so many hashers got locked out of the beer stop until the proper keys arrived. JUST MIKE and JUST SUSE seemed to enjoy the run today now would they enjoy the beer? Everyone enjoyed the beer stop but HORN-E who seemed to have gotten lost once more, boy am I in for some poop. It must have been that terrible trail I laid that even the virgins found?
We got back to the bar and CALVIN ran circle. We said hello to long lost NUTTIN BITCH and SUGAR NIPPLES who have not hashed for about 1-year. STAB’em and SLAB’em snuck gyros into the bar and we sympathize with STUPID MAN whose knee went out. Hopefully he will be up and hashing in no time!! JUST ALEX was our NRB and LIFA drank his usual good beer much like MILK MY YAK!! PRINCESS LABIA showed up and was drinking Shirley temples today instead of beer. She says she was saving her strength for the hash cruise in a couple of weeks. BLOODY THIGHS purchased herself some new haberdashery, which looked great on her. While SPECIAL HEAD GIVER came straight from Hawaii to run with us today. After running the circle for a while hash pizza came and so we sang swing low. The last seen leaving the bar was ITS TOO SOFT, JUST TYRONE, and JUST I LEAN.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
——–
Hare(s): Stupid Man, Chicken Stiffer & Mystery Hare
Venue: Holiday Club – 4000 N. Sheridan
Hash Cash: $6 or €4.11 Euros – with the Dollar plummeting faster than Rex Grossman’s quarterback rating, the Hash is now accepting more stable currencies to reduce our overall forex exposure.
Come out for a trail that will undoubtedly show us ONCE AGAIN why Stupid Man has his hash name. Enough of stodgy Lincoln Park – time for a hash in trendy, slightly less full of yuppie shiggy and up-and-coming "North Lakeview" (what real estate agents call it, but it’s really more like Uptown). 1/2 price pizzas and beer pitchers!
Weather forecast Sunday is 90% chance of crappy with high of 36 and snow showers possible (36 I would bet more on rain tho) with crappiness continuing into next week but also getting colder – don’t you just LOVE January in Chicago? In essence, crappy weather, crappy trail and kickass bar – it just doesn’t get any better than this!
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Sheridan, hoof it like 50 feet, bar is on the Northwest side of Irving Park Rd / Sheridan intersection.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to Irving Park, hop on the Irving Park #80 (or X80 if you get lucky) East to Sheridan. Bar is at the corner of Irving & Sheridan.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie whilst contributing to the melting of the Polar ice caps, cruise to the intersection of Irving Park & Sheridan. Best bet on parking is on street on Irving Park Rd, West of the L by the various cemeteries on either side of Irving.
Tale of the Trail 1.6.08 Chicago #1526 @ Glascott’s/Kelly’s Pub – Kickoff 2008 Hash
Hare(s): Mouthful of Meat & Super Stuff’her
Venue: Glascott’s @ Webster & Halsted - 2158 N. Halsted
Hash Cash: $6 - still as of now unaffected by either $100/barrel crude oil or Barack Obama’s win in Iowa
Mt Schwiiinga just couldn’t be bothered to put down her own beer whist carrying two of those uber-heavy glass pitchers @ Kelly’s on Sunday. Hells bells, what are teeth good for anyhow except as a third hand to hold your beer! Over 100+ Fujirazzi pix marking the return of normalcy after the holidaze chaos.
Hash Trash: 1/6/08
Hares: Mouthful of Meat and Super Stuffer
Venue: Glascotts ———> Kelly’s Pub
VIRGINS: Just Allison, Just Rob, Just Marty
VISITORS:
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Uploader, Schinitzel Squeezer, Triple D, Just Rob, Packher Ass, Just Rob II, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included, Just Jonathon, Milk My Yak, Barks on All Fours, Just I Lean, Its Too Soft, Mount Me Puhl’zee, Just Tom, Just Molly Totally Butch, Mount Schwiiinga, Flying Hooters, Chip-n-dale
VIRGINS= 3
VISTORS=0
TOTAL HASHERS= 26
The trail started from Glascotts’s bar but wouldn’t end there. The Hares made some great decisions by having a beer stop outside as well as the ON-IN be outside in 60 degree weather in the middle of January!! SUPER STUFFER and MOUTHFUL OF MEAT laid a great little trail that wound around the south Lincoln Park area. They even found a ON-IN bar that had free parking next to the bar!! The pack was lead by CHIP-N-DALE most of the day until he had to stop and write tickets for parking offenders. You see on top of his tight running pants he wore what most Chicago meter maids wear when writing their tickets, I guess at least you could see him? JUST I LEAN was being very manly and helping JUST ALLISON find her way around her first hash.
JUST ROB II seemed to run the hash in penny loafers and jeans, I thought we already had a HOT PANTS? We were happy to see JUST TOM make it back for the first time since the ANTHRAX hash of 114 people. TOTALLY BUTCH was back from her win in IOWA maybe we should have named her BARACK OUT WITH YOUR CAUCUS out? The hash made it to the beer stop where JUST ROB II took on JUST MOLLY in the shotgunning contest and totally annihilated her. It was so warm out that JUST JONATHON and JUST I LEAN played Frisbee in OZ park. CALVIN was in dismay that we left the beer stop and still had beer but many wanted to get back for food and warmer clothes?
The ON-IN was at KELLY’s PUB in their back area. We totally surprised our visitors UPLOADER, SCHNITZEL SQUEEZER, and JUST MARTY with all the hash songs we sang. I know I was horse by the end of the night. MOUNT SCHWIIINGA played the part of a comely beer wench this night and I thank her for it. CALVIN ran the circle and soon called for the virgins JUST MARTY, JUST ROB, and JUST ALLISON into the circle for their down-down. CALVIN asked MOUNT ME to demonstrate a down-down but all we got from him was his impersonation of "THAR HE BLOWS" from MOBY DICK? Maybe we need to rename that man.
Anyway after the MOUNT ME debacle the virgins sucked back their beers nicely and we continued on for another marathon circle. TRIPLE D was called in for being a reboot while CHIP-N-DALE had no hash gear on? YAK was made to suck down his good beer and BARKS drank for being so beautiful. PACKhER ass drank for flogging behavior on New Years Eve and BATTERIES was giving away old hash shirts.
Eventually the hash came to a close but not before ITS TOO SOFT laid a big one that cleared out the entire bar area and made the fire department show up with gas masks on and hazmat suits at the ready.
CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM
Get your hashing year started off right with our first official Chicago Hash of 2008! There are two very unremarkable NFL wild card playoff games which will also be on TV for your additional enjoyment. Note: despite the bar location, the beer stop will NOT BE AT PARTY CENTRAL.
Environmentally-Friendly Public Transit
From Lincoln Park/Lakeview: Red Line to Fullerton, hoof it two blocks East and two blocks South to Halsted & Webster or hop the Brown Line to Armitage and hoof it two blocks North and two blocks East to H&W. Or take the Halsted #8 bus from anywhere near Halsted to Webster.
From Wicker Park/Bucktown: Blue Line to California and take the Fullerton #74 bus East to Halsted, hoof it two blocks South to Webster.
Driving
Hop into your hooptie and cruise to Halsted & Webster. Park on a side street, Zone 143 permit doesn’t kick in until 6pm or if you’re lucky grab a meter spot on Halsted. Note there’s a lot of non-zone parking just East of Halsted next to Oz Park.
